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You Are What You Eat, Or At Least That's What I've Heard

Short story By: Stormbird Throneshaker

Tags: Humor

A little bit'll do you and anymore than that will do you in.
Written as best as it was told to me, a long time ago!

Submitted:Feb 26, 2013    Reads: 58    Comments: 8    Likes: 5   

Mrs. Johnson makes her way through the grocery store and all the while she is crying.

She finally ends up at the meat counter where the butcher notices that she's sobbing.

"Mrs. Johnson, what's wrong, why are you crying on such a beautiful day?" he asks as he comes from around the counter to face her.

"It's my husband, he refuses to eat anything that I prepare for him at any meal and I'm afraid that he's badly sick, but he's a stubborn man and won't go see a doctor." she replied before wiping her eyes with a tissue extracted from her purse.

"Mrs. Johnson, I may be able to help you if you'll just follow me." he said.

She followed him through the store and he stopped in the dog food section and gazed about the shelves till he found the can that he was looking for.

"I know that this is dog food Mrs. Johnson, but rest assured, this little trick will work!" the butcher informed her.

"Dog food, you can't be serious, my husband would never eat dog food!" she snapped back at him.

"He doesn't have to know that it's dog food because you'll strip the label from the can and mix it in with his favorite food and I guarantee you he should be eating you out of house and home!" he explained as he held the can up before her.

"Okay, if you are for sure that this will work because I'm willing to try anything at this time." she said before taking the can.

"Here, let me help you grab up a few more to take with you and I want you to come back in a week or so and let me know how he's doing." the butcher said as he grabbed more cans from the shelves.

A week went by and Mrs. Johnson returned and marched herself happily to the meat counter with a big old smile upon her face.

"Well Mrs. Johnson, I see that your bubbly today." he said as he came out from behind the counter.

"Oh yes I am and I can't begin to thank you enough as my husband is eating like a horse now." she replied.

"Great, I suppose that you've come back for more?" he asked.

"Yes I have, thank you so very much." she said before heading to the dog food section on her own.

Another week passed, and Mrs. Johnson came into the grocery store crying again as she made her way back to the meat counter.

"Mrs. Johnson, wha...what's wrong now, has your husband found out that you've been fixing him dog food?" the butcher asked as he hurriedly came from around the counter while wiping his hands on a paper towel.

"No, it's not that!" she cried.

"Is he still eating like a horse?" he asked.

"He was, yes he was just like you said he'd do, eat me out of the house---

"Then what seems to be the problem Mrs. Johnson?" the butcher asked as worry and concern spread all over his face.

"Well, this morning he was out in the middle of the road licking on his balls and got ran over by a car...boo hoo hoo!" she cried.


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