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VALENTINE: TO BE OR NOT TO BE

Short story By: tahir139
Humor



HEATHER IS LOOKING FORWARD TO CELEBRATING VALENTINES DAY..AND HER HUSBAND HAS RATHER SCATHING VIEWS ON IT... IT THEN TURNS TO JASON AND HEATHER EXCHANGING VIEWS ABOUT ONE ANOTHER, ABOUT SEX, ABOUT VALENTINE....


Submitted:Feb 13, 2013    Reads: 62    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   


Valentine's Day was around the corner and Jason's wife Heather was bugging him about what he would buy her. "God damn it, you don't need Valentine's Day to express your love for someone and that too on one particular day" said Jason. "What has got into the world? You have mother's day, father's day and a host of other days to celebrate. Why can't the world learn to get along their lives without paying ridiculous attention to these days?" Soon the world may be commemorating "Being Gay day", "Being Virgin day" and many others as well.

"Oh you are such a bore" said Heather glaring at him. "What's happened to your sense of romance?" she exclaimed.

"Romance doesn't need any day to commemorate it darling" exclaimed Jason rather impassively.

"What romance darling? After ten years of living together, the romance has ebbed and nearly fizzled out. There was a time when you used to tell me hundreds of times about your undying love for me. We used to have candle lit dinners. You would bring me choclates bouquet of flowers and many other presents. We would have sex nearly every alternate day. You would make me breakfast on the weekends. And you would recite all those love poems you had written for me. I remember that during our first five years together, you would take me out for dinner on every Valentine's Day. What has happened to you?" said Heather.

Jason looked up towards Heather and said "Ten years back you used to be a pretty looking woman. Now you are ten years older and twenty five kilograms heavier. You have put on a lot of weight honey and frankly the urge to have any sex or romance has died along with it. My romance and poetry has dried up. I have perhaps also grown older and more mature. Love and life need to be celebrated every day and not commemorated on a single 'Valentine's Day'."

"Oh! Jason don't you comment about my figure and your losing your sexual appetite about it. I haven't commented on your sexual impotence and use of Viagra. Nor have I ever rebuked you on your excessive farting or bad breath. As for the presents that you bought me on Valentine, who in his right frame of mind would present his wife with a book called '1000 ways to do sex right' or a cheap imitation of 'Rolex' that lasted barely a week before it stopped working. When it comes to our honeymoon, now that I remember it, you had promised that we would go on cruise to the Bahamas but we ended up spending it Bogota, Colombia which is one of the most dangerous places on earth" said Heather.

Jason now walked up to a livid Heather putting up his hands and saying "Heather darling, let's forget the past and live in the present shall we. And I am sorry if I have hurt or offended you by being so mean. By the way, I had meant to give you a present today; it was meant to be a surprise."

And Jason walked to a cupboard and dug deep into the pockets of his jacket that hung on a hangar and pulled out a small velvet box. He opened it revealing a gold ring studded with diamonds.

Heathers face turned to one of amazement and joy as she took it and wore it. She looked up to Jason and both of them embraced one another.

"I have another present for you my love" said Jason.

"What is it dear?" asked Heather.

"It is a membership for you in a fitness gym" answered a smiling Jason.





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