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The Menace of Rubber Ducks

Short story By: Tokemies
Humor



Tony's diary strikes again! This time there's two tabs I thought to be tatched to each others. And as usually in my diary I have let my errand to come in the shape of humor and irony. Long live the abuse of humanity!


Submitted:Jan 12, 2007    Reads: 296    Comments: 6    Likes: 1   


November 11, 2006 - WORLD, BEWARE!!!!

The rubber ducks are coming! For thousands of years the rubber ducks have grown in evil by plotting against the humanity and getting fat draining the fear and chaos they have created. The rubber ducks are NOT something to be taken lightly, because they are an actual menace to the society we know right now. Some events from the past which are the doing of rubber ducks; what would have happened if Bush wouldn't have had anything else to do in the path but to think? Who do you believe to have whispered Lenin the thought about the socialist world order? What do you think that Judas was? We have only one hope; softy snakes! Now everyone head to the Walmart and get yourself a softy snake because only those can protect you from the evil of rubber ducks. They are coming! THEY ARE COMING!!!

Arthur Weasley: Well, tell me, Harry. What's the function of rubber duck?

December 12, 2006 - The Philosophical Issues of Rubber Ducks

Have you ever heard their voice by night when they think you are asleep? Have you smelled their stench? Have you felt their malicious being? Of course you have... but have you ever seen the? Many of the most brilliant individuals in the world have been looking for an answer for one question for centuries. I don't mean the question "who am I?" though I think the answer is pretty much of the same. Of course I mean the question "oh, why, why, why? Why is this happening to me? What have I done? Why am I punished like this?" which is, I suppose, the most popular question in every aspect of humanity trought millenias - even on this day. Other nowadays popular question is "what's on TV?"

However, I believe I have the answer to this question which no one could have ever answered. We are punished like this because we have been set up in the eyes of the God - us, the flawless humen, created by Himself! Guilty (oh yes, that means you may accuse them!) for this outrage is a mysterious and vicious race which has made us look bad since we were created. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? The answer is: The rubber ducks! Yes, I know the first question you can think of (it's pretty popular nowadays too) "What kind bloody humbug is this?" but if you would ask yourself a little less used question you probably would come up with the same idea. I mean the question "is anything my fault?" I ran a number of higly technological tests and this was the only possible answer.

I asked myself "Is anything my fault?" for fiftytwo billion fivehundred thirtyone million seven hundred fiftynine thousand hundred and one time and each time my diagnosis was the same. So no one can deny these indeniable proofs revealed in this indeniable light any more than they can deny their indeniable desire to deny.

The rubber ducks are evil and cause all the evil that happens in the world! Nothing else, especially not the humen! Go now, you all, in your bathroom and burn every single rubber duck you can find, because as pityful creatures can't let our neighbour creature to suffer because of a black soul like that! So it is only a previlige to the rubber ducks that none will survive of the Great Duck Hunt rushing trough all lands. Sharpen your pokers, load your musketts and set your throwing forks in the bag and go hunt some duck! Let your name be glorious and clean in the eyes (or the eye) of the Lord.

Rubber ducks are known (or actually unknown) for their skill to disguise themselves as humen so you better try on anyone you meet if it's the rubber duck. Cast concrete in his feet and throw him in the lake! If it floats it's a rubber duck and must die! If not, it's a shame but sacrifices must be done in the name of good. A rubber duck can be identified of not waring a cross on it's neck. If you meet a human without a cross on it's neck don't hesitate in giving it a good old fashion smash on the face by the name of the Lord!

God bless you all!





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