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Saving the world in five minutes.

Short Story By: Wandiola
Humor


Abigail Lopez and Barry Mcneil are two 19 year old newbies in the feild of spying.Their mission fails misrabley when they fall into a trap set up by Doctor MagGath, an evil villan that wants to blow up part of the world(His crazy idea for a new beginning).They both manage to escape, but before the leave, they must try to switch off the live bomb, giving them only five minutes to save the world. Can they do it?

Authors note: Not my best, Im just trying to see if I can write in a style thats more comic, please ignore the terrible grammer!! And enjoy!! View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Jun 9, 2008    Reads: 176    Comments: 49    Likes: 14   


Five minutes until total destruction

I glanced at the countdown timer implanted on the bomb and winced, only five minutes, we only had five minutes to save the world, me and Barry.Five minutes!!! I couldn't even tie my shoes in five minutes let alone save the world.

"We have to switch this thing off!" I yelled at Barry, even though he was standing right next to me.

"Yeh, well I have nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Yep, zilch, nada, nothing."

4 minutes and 30 seconds until total destruction.

"Nothing!! All that training with the SAS and you have nothing?" I screamed in his ear, I was boarding on hysterical.

"Yes I have nothing, how about you, do you have something, why are you asking me?"

4minutes and 10 seconds until total destruction.

"Because I have nothing!!"

"So I see we're on the same level of understanding."

"ERRRRRRRRRR!!" I wanted to strangle Barry right then and there, but what use would it be? Even if he was a complete idiot, I still needed him to help me get out of here.

3 minutes and 50 seconds until total destruction

"Hey abby, how about this pause button." I looked at Barry with new found amazement,could he be any more stupid,a pause button on a bomb? ON A BOMB!

"Barry---" But he'd already clicked the button with his stubby little finger, and to my astonishment, the timer on the bomb froze, but at the same time a siren wailed throughout the whole factory, making my whole world blink sudden flashes of red.

I turned my attention back to the timer.

2 minutes until total destruction

I felt like crying, the pause button was a trick!! When Barry clicked it, he sped up the timer, so now we only had two minutes to save the world. LORD TAKE ME NOW!!

"Great job Barry, what would I do without you!!!!"

Barry gave me an extremly filthy look.

"Well missy, no need for the sarcasm, at least I did something, I mean look at you, your not even my wife and your always nagging me."

1minute and 30 seconds until total destruction.

"You two will never find the key that turns this bomb off. I hid it in a place that you would never look! NEVER!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA uuuhaaar *splutter* *cough*"

The voice came from speakers above our heads, it had to be MagGath, the villan that had put us into this sticky situation.

1 minute until total destruction.

"Hey abby,the best year-round temperature is a warm heart and a cool head, you really should try that, you have more of a hot head and a cold heart." remarked Barry

40 seconds until total destruction

"SHUT IT OK!! SHUT IT!!" I cried, my fingers were itching with the surge to slap Barry right across his skinny little face.

I scanned the metal bomb for anything that might give away the hide out of the key.

30 sec---

The bomb had stopped, it had stopped!!! But how?

"Well abby, looks like I am more than your average idiot hugh? What would you do without me?"

I turned to face Barry, who was holding a white card in between his grimy fingers, I felt sick. I owed my life to Barry!! Barry the fool!! The nimcompoop!!!

"What, how, how, What? How!" I whispered, we had to be careful now, MagGath's men could be coming any second now that the bomb was off.

"It was easy, I don't know how you of all people missed it, but I found the key sticking out the side of the machine, it was supposed to look like it was part of the white painted part of the bomb, but it stuck out like a sore thumb."

"Well then Barry, looks like you did save the day after all." I muttered through gritted teeth.

"HANDS UP!!Both ofYOU!!" We both swivelled ourselves round to find armed men crowding aroundus from left to right.

"You take the left, I'll take the right. how does that sound?"

Barry nodded, and with out any hesitation, ran in the exact opposite direction, crashing throughthe window behind us, leaving me with the rest of the men, and a shattered floor of glass.

"Barry you----"

A gunshot sizzled past my head, scorching the ends of my hair. i heard a shout from outside the cracked window.

"Jump!! Its not that far down." Barry's voice traveled to my ear, I decided to take his word and jumped out of the same window.

It was like pratically taking a step.What was this?

"Now what?" I asked, my eyes were still glaring at Barry full of hatred.

"Now we run."


14

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Comments:

HAHA. This was great :) I would be mad at him too! lol. Nice job! :)

Posted: Jun 9, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks, I was trying to make it funny, but I don't know if I did it well!! thanks for the comment!

at least I did something, I mean look at
you, your not even my wife and your always nagging me."

"Hey abby,the best year-round temperature is a warm heart and a cool head, you really should try that, you have more of a hot head and a cold heart." remarked Barry

THIS IS GOING TO BE A SUPER-DUPER HIT....GEEZ....i loved every bit of the excitement. I wished it should have continued....please write a sequelae....

Posted: Jun 9, 2008

Author Comment:

ooooh yes i just might!!! thank you for the comment! Im glad you liked it!!!

lol forgot to mention - those were my fav lines and the snap goes perfectly with the story....how did u get the idea?

Posted: Jun 9, 2008

Author Comment:

Well I just love love spy novels, so I decided to write my own I guess! Ideas for stories really just randomly pop into my head!!

The grammer wasn't the best, but the overall storyline was good. i know this was supposed to be a short story, but i wish you would have given us an insight on what exactly their situtation was. like where they were and how they got there and why that villain wanted to destroy them. you probably know that but us readers don't, remember. also Barry says, "I don't know how all of you people missed it" or something like that, but why would he say "all of you" if only Abby was there. something else like that is wen the guys yell "hands up all of you!" or something. again, its only two of them, it should be "both" of you. sorry if im sounding too critical i just catch little things like that but don't get me wrong u have a great story i like that it was funny and barry was my favorite character. =P lol

Posted: Jun 9, 2008

Author Comment:

Thats ok! it wasn't my best, I ws just trying to make it funny!

verrrrrry good! exciting. i thought they would die!!!!!

Posted: Jun 9, 2008

Author Comment:

well then! looks like im good at writing suspense!! glad you liked it!

Haha, wow, that was intense. Barty is funny, I like him. :P This has been one of my favorite short stories I've read so far. Very cleaver.

Posted: Jun 9, 2008

Author Comment:

Really? wow! thank you!! im glad you like barry!! i like him too!

it was funny, good job..... you held my attention right through till the end... didn't get boring or predictable once.... GREAT keep it up...

Posted: Jun 9, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks dom!! glad you liked it!! i thought it was excititng writing it!!

LOL *ok i've got to contain myself*

THIS IS HILARIOUS! SHORT STORY OF THE YEAR!

i love the inept-but-very-professional teen spies... the short story is very enjoyable, besides that, you kinda let us imagine ourselves what was happening before and after they had stopped the bomb. Super cool!!! Do another short story like this please *pussycat-from-Shrek-face*

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you!!! I'm soooo happy you like it!!! I didn't think it was that funny, but hey!! im so glad you liked it!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
i love the humor you create in your characters XD
this was great - i thought it was funny and at the same time suspenseful - what a weird combination!! but i liked it ^^
keep it up :)

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks alice!! im really glad you liked it!!

veryy good.
I liked it.
:)

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Danka!!

this short story is incredibly immense :), truly, very intense and I loved it ^_^
x

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you!! glad you liked it!!

hey i loved this one..hehe it is funny but it is a great poem huh..well done..i liked it..i agree with mom pratibha you shoul continue this..hehe it made me excited for something and what is that i don't know..hehe great job..keep it up..keep me posted about your writings i love to read more...

"break a leg"

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you!!! im glad you thought it was funny!!! err and I think it was a short stroy not a poem!

hehe, this was great, when I read the tittle I emediately thought of the song "4 minutes" by madonna and justin timberlake...good song, lol. anyway, the characters were awsome...usually in short stories we don't get to know them much, but in this, they were great and out there! Fantastic short story dearie!
Steph(:

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

ok so i was going to call it "5 minutes to save the world" but i thought that sounded exactly like the song!! i tried to put the song on here but it hasn't worked so far!!

Title reminds me of a song... but I hope I'll forget it when I go to the story :)

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

4 minutes to save the world? maddonna and JT

WOW this was different but it was really good!

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks! glad you enjoyed it!!

hi! wandiola. the most thrilling five minutes. ;-)

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

really thats good!! glad you found it thrilling!!

HA! I laughed out loud when the timer change to two minutes. I swear that would be my luck too. It didn't need more background in my opinion. It was just a little snippet of their life, like we were seeing it real time, and more background would have taken away from the suspense and humor of it. I like to use my own imagination as to why they were there and where they are going. It was really very good IMHO!

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Oh thanks, I didn't think it needed more background either!! just a snipet!! like you said!!

BAHAHAHAHAHA!!
That was fantastic. I loved it!! ^-^ You should totally turn it into a novel or something. Cuz like wow.
I was laughing out loud by the end. lol.
Marvelous job. XD

~!~Megan~!~

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Really? laughing out loud!!!wooooweee!! Im glad you thought it was funny!!

hello,
this was a very nice short story full of humor and suspence. UR dialogue was crisp and realistic. Just try to build up ur characters a bit more. I often feel that in any story apart from the pace of the narrative the writer needs to also work on the surroundings and circumstance of the story. Try breaking ur dialogue up and put in aspects of the surroundings that way, focus on sight smells and sounds. You wont even increase ur word count that substantilally, and all aspects of ur work will then shine.

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

wow!! thanks, i shall take that into consideration

I loved it! Great job! :) keep writing...ur great!

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks!! i sure will!!

lol that was pretty good. for some reason the first paragraph made me think of that new madonna song "4 minutes", even though i dont like it. you wrote "we had five minutes to save the world" and my brain immediately made me think of the line in the song where it says "we only got four minutes to save the world". lol ok im a little weird. must be the heat. lol anyway, great job! =)

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks!! don't worry, loads of people say it reminds them of the song!!!

XD
cute
i love the sarcasm Abbey has
XD
great job

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you!!!

This was different, I liked it. I felt as though Barry and Abby were real people :) good going!

~Brad

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks!!! I like creating live characters!

I liked the sense of humour in a dramatic situation! That was entertaining - counting down to the final minutes before total destruction and then the final option is to get the hell out of there! I also disagree with someone above who says we need more information - it it was to be a totally dramatic story yes, but with your theme I think it works.
Well done.

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Wow,somone else also said they disagreed!!! I thought it fit well with the story too!! thank you!!

haha nice, i laughed out loud a few times! it was great! good job!!

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

thanls!!! glad you found it funny!!

so i love the picture for agent cody banks!! lol

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

YES I KNOW!!! wicked right??

Ahaha, that's really cute! My favorite part is the shoelaces thing. Very very fun to read. :D

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you, glad you think it was fun!! i had fun writing it!!

Oh MY GOSH!!! Spies are like my favorite people in the world to write about!!! They can get into all sorts of trouble and still survive and come out looking totally fabulous!!
Great storie I liked it. (If I spell story like this
---> storie. . . that means i really liked it)

~Kaori

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks!! glad you thought it was fabulous!!

this was very exciting I GAVE IT A I LKE IT! to thik all that happend in 5 mins!

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

YES!! wooooooooooweeeeeee!! and danka!!

Aren't they the greatest spies ever lol. I could imagine this as some sort of comic or kid's cartoon or sort of like spy kids movie. I like the way you kept mentioning how much time wast left 'until total destruction', it gives the reader a little sense of the anxiety that they are going through. I also like the way that they're standing there having a domestic while our lives are at stake.

And isn't that last line from from Prison Break - It's a brilliant line to end what could have ended up in 'total destruction'.

Keep up the great work.

Olola.

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

It might be, I watched that movie ags ago so I don't remebrer lines so it might have been a subconcious thing!! thanks olola!!

amazing...........and i loved it

*muah*
n yes the sense of humour was brilliant!!!!!!!

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

ha!! gracias!!!

Funny!! I laughed out loud a couple of times!!

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

cool!! thanks!!

Okay, so I just barely read the authors note, What do you mean this isn;t your best work????!!!! O_o It's brilliant, I mean come on, Spies, bombs and an evil villian, what could be better than that????

~Kaori

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

XD! yeh thanks, its just ive gotten some critcsm and so i thought I had to put that!

Lolz Wowy I Love It :D
Sometimes Idoits Do Come In Handy Lolz
xxxx

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

very true!! thanks for the comment!!

Tight, concise plot and unexpected ending: not bad at all! :)

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

why thank you!! happy days!!

Ba ha ha!

"Hey abby,the best year-round temperature is a warm heart and a cool head, you really should try that, you have more of a hot head and a cold heart." remarked Barry

That made me crack up^

Really good!

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks!! I laughed out loud when I came up with that!!!

Great short story! I liked it a whole lot. It kept me interested the whole time, and was surprised how quickly it ended. :] great work

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks! im thinking about a sequal!!

Thanks so much for asking me to read, enjoyed the action! The energy and pace were invigorating :0 :) ;)

The only thing I might add is maybe take the description part (who they are, their mission,ect.) in the shaded box at the top, and put it in the story to read like a mission statement...Either way it was fun,
~rain;)

Posted: Jun 12, 2008

Author Comment:

oooh excellent Idea!!! gracias!

This was a great story. Good job!

Posted: Jun 12, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks!

that was really great

Posted: Jun 12, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks!

Haha. Love this one. Barry made me laugh. ^^ Great job! :D

Posted: Jun 12, 2008

Author Comment:

Barry made me laugh to XD! peace out!!

wow haha this was such an interesting story!! i loved it!! it was so funny!!
VERY GOOD JOB! i enjoyed it a lot!! : )
you're a good writer!!

Posted: Jun 13, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you very much!!

that was really good(pause) and really funny. loved it. check my new story seasons of love. i would love ur feedback.

Posted: Jun 13, 2008

Author Comment:

sure will seeing as you fed back on mine

i luved it very exiting (so exiting i read it so fast i didn't even notice the grammar) great story i luved both of the characters very funny

Posted: Jun 15, 2008

Author Comment:

yeh, grammer is horrible, im so glad you found it funny and exciting!

I love this - it's great! :) Hilarious, adventure, and suspense rolled all into one. Please keep up the good work! :)

Posted: Jun 16, 2008

Author Comment:

I sure will!! please check out more of work!!

SO FUNNY!!! lol i thought it was really good...and yes, please right a sequel!!! lol

Posted: Jul 5, 2008

Author Comment:

Hmm I don't know!! thank you though!

Hmm... That was... Interesting. I like that you tried a new style of writing, but it all just went by so FAST. I think that it was a good short story, but I would like to know about the preliminary situation. What is the relationship between the two characters? How did Doctor MagGath make a bomb that would blow up the world? How did he begin to rise to power? What happens after they shut off the bomb? Just simple things like that. I liked this piece of work, I just think that maybe you should take into consideration that some of your more INSPECTIVE readers (namely, me) like to get to know their characters and the situation more than others. Great work, and keep it up!

Posted: Jul 11, 2008

Author Comment:

hmm i thank you for your honesty, but the short story was supposed to be fast, I didn't want to detail anything, it was supposed to be unique like that. The story is supposed to leave you guessing!
but thanks anyways!

I know you posted this ages ago so it might seem weird me commenting it now, but i'm new and was just poking around. This is really funny stuff! The dialogue is hysterical. great work!

Posted: Dec 29, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you! and its fine i don't care, its nice of you to look at my work! just for that i shall look at yours!! lol happy holidays!

Loved the picture from Agent Cody Banks
Loved the entire plot of the story
Loved the story in general!!!

I loved the two contrasting characters between Abigail and Barry, and how yuu expect Abigail to save the day bcuz she's smarter, and then Barry ends up saving it. Very clever. It was also funny, without being over-bearingly funny. It had that little touch of humor along with the suspense of 'how are they going to disarm the bomb?'

I don't know, I loved it, grammatical errors and all!!!

Posted: Dec 31, 2008

Author Comment:

lol! yea!! but thanks! i was trying to write something different!! grammarical errors lol!! thanks!



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