Ghost stories by real fake people “Booie wooie woo wee woo woo” (P.S. these stories are meant to be humorous and in no way offensive to race, gender, age, religion, body weight, or waffles. These stories are not for children who have heart problems, urinary issues, overactive imagination, and constant diarrhea. Please enjoy)
Fred’s terrifying toy story: (age 23, gender male) It was a dark and spooky night, it was so dark and so spooky that I nearly ran into the bathroom and grasped my “tickle me Elmo.” I was sitting on the couch watching “the care bears” it was a lovely episode, with tons of magical happiness. I was holding all my stuffed care bear toys. Suddenly the T.V began to flicker on and off, the screen went fuzzy and I was now getting ready to dash into the bathroom and grip my “tickle me Elmo.” Suddenly a mask of Mr. Rogers popped up on the T.V. “Hello Fred… wanna play a game” the voice asked. I stood up from the couch and began jumping up and down screaming “Woohoo I love games, yes, yes I want to play, I want to play” I screamed in excitement. “Holy crap, settle down you bouncing fool, you have enough toy’s right now… how about you play with them” the screen turned off and the room went dark. I was so startled I was about ready to skip to my bathroom and clench my “Tickle me Elmo.” Suddenly the lights turned on, all my care bears had pictures of angry Adam Sandler’s faces appeared on their abdomens. I screamed in horror and hopped towards the bath room I grappled my Tickle me Elmo in fear. Elmo looked around the dark bathroom; the only thing keeping it light was a small green nightlight in the electric socket. “What the Hell is going on… why the fuck is Elmo in the bathroom, it smells like shit” Elmo spoke to me. “Sorry Elmo I just pinched a potter right now and its curdling in my thong as we speak” I explained. Elmo’s eyes widened to an amazing size, he looked at me in amazement then he went back to his normal face. Elmo looked up at me and tapped my shoulder “Yes Elmo” I asked in fright of the angry Adam Sandler faces. “Come here Elmo wants to tell you a very important thing” Elmo said. I was excited that Elmo wanted to tell ME something and it was important too. I bent down towards Elmo who cupped his hands over my ear so he could be heard clearer. Elmo whispered in a very not Elmo like voice “I’m gonna kill you.” I screamed in fear and tossed Elmo in to the toilet and flushed him down, I ran out into the street and got hit by a car. I was sent to the hospital and I shat myself.
The end of Fred’s story.
Habubi’s frightening ghost story: (age 35, Gender… sheman) One creepy night I was sitting on the toilet pissing; I heard a frightening noise and shat myself… the end.
The end of Habubi’s story.
Tina’s suspicious story: (age 21, gender female) It was a dark and black night, I was walking down the road it was scary, I was alone. There was a picture of Morgan Freeman in my pocket. I was walking home from a party it was dark and black like a Negro. The moon was gone it must have taken the night off, that piece of shit, and a night I had to walk home all alone too… bastard. I was trying to find a car to give me a ride home. Then I saw one it was black and dark like an African, so I got inside, there was a kind young man that was giving me a ride, but he was white and shiny like cracker. I was pissed… or did I piss… I pissed because I asked if we could stop so I could change before my pants soaked into my vagina and gave me a yeast infection. I hopped out of the car and took off my pants and threw them into a bush. I came back into the car and there was a black guy driving I think I squirted a bit and I was in my panties too. Anyway the car began to drive and I was headed toward town. I suddenly looked up at the seat and there was an Asian. I was beginning to get pissed at this multi-raced driver he was beginning to piss me off… until he was black, or Hispanic because for some sexual reason I had a sexual thing for those sexual races; I was there T.V. They turn me on and i give them entertainment… or the other way around… either way bang bang was my cocaine. I got out of the car and it exploded a several bodies lied on the ground dead, those bastards were just messing with me… I took the Hispanic and African bodies into my house. It was not my killing so I am not a murder or a freak I had sex with the bodies, shat myself, and died…
The end of Tina’s story
Linda’s Paranormal pregnancy story: (age 19, gender female) It was a warm wonderful night, I was in bed about ready to fall asleep, I was 8 months pregnant at the time and so was the ghost next to the bed… I woke up in the middle of the night to a cold, freezing, chilly, icicle, feeling next to me. I looked up to see a ghost she was standing in front of me and smiled. “Well hi there I’m having a baby” the ghost said. “Oh that is cool… so am I” I said unsure what else to say. “I mean right now” the ghost said as she floated in the air and began circling around my bed while levitating. The ghost’s water broke and fluids flew everywhere. “What the heck I’m trying to sleep can’t you go to a hospital” I asked angrily. “Just a minute” the ghost said as she grunted. Suddenly a baby ghost shat out her vagina “Oh it’s so cute isn’t it” the ghost said looking at the tear drop shaped ghost with a cute smile attached to her umbilical cord. The ghost began walking off as her baby dragged along by the cord, “see you later fuckers” the baby said in a high soft voice flipping me and my husband the bird as it was dragged out the room. “What number was that” my husband asked. “That was the third one this month” I said before falling back to sleep in my warm comfy bed “Honey” my husband asked getting my attention “Yes” I said irritated “I shat myself” he responded with his eyes crossed.
The end of Linda’s story
Ronald McDonalds Creepy King story: (Age 45, Gender Male-ish) It was a fun and happy day I was standing in front of a cash register watching it fill with money, children would play in my tubes and eat my foods, and use my bathrooms. The little turds basically lived at my restaurant, I was happy to see my slave like employees flip burgers, grease fries, and get small paychecks. I was a rich prick… suddenly a bastard moved in next door he was the Burger King. More like the baked bastard that kidnapped my costumers in his health grilled burgers that taste like crap… I filed a law suit, lost, was sent to jail, and shat myself.
The end of R.M’s story
Little jimmy’s mysterious melancholy: (age little, gender male)
I was in my bed one night, sleeping like a little boy, in which I was and is considered to still be today. It was raining horribly, the only light was from the lightning outside, I saw shadows on the wall, and they appeared and disappeared between lightning flashes. I was so scared that I pulled the covers over my head I peaked around the edge of my blankets and saw something bulging from under the covers, it was crawling up towards my upper body. I was filled with fear and threw my blankets in the air, It was only my cat John William Henry Scotts Bengal pink tiger with a hint of Asian Tom. “You dumb cat, you scared me” I yelled unnecessarily. My father stepped into the room “Hee, hee, hee what’s all the yelling” he said happily. “I was lying in my bed when something was under my covers, but it was only John William Scotts Bengal pink tiger with a hint of Asian Tom” I explained “Hee, hee, hee that’s quite funny” My father said happily. “Don’t use that language around me” I yelled as I threw a lamp which shattered into fragments across the wall. Time seemed to stop as the lamp fragments stuck in the air levitating. “Holy Shat it is a ghost” I screamed as I pulled down my pants flashing my butt into the air and puffed a cloud of green gas out my shitter hole it floated in the room before going back into my butt hole. “Hee, hee hee it’s your problem now little fucker, now I’ll be in you mothers room tickling her nipples with a feather as she laughs and throws small computer monitors at my brother while he dances with a bag of chips to Latin music in a frilly dress” My father explained. “Why would you do that” I asked. “It’s called wild parties son perhaps you’ll find out when you shat yourself someday” My father explained. He left the room slamming the door and the lamp fragments fell to the ground along with all my posters, pictures, display cases, wall lamps, telephones, and picture of Morgan Freeman fell to the ground. Suddenly the ghost of winey the hotdog jumped out of my closet “I’m gonna have you for dinner because you my little wiener” the ghost said. “Jesus with a jalapeño senor” I shouted in fear “Si senor equivocada piso” the Hotdog said as he stepped back in the closet and closed the door behind him. I then got out of bed and pulled out a losing lotto ticket. Another ghost busted out of the closet this time it was Jeffry the toys’ R’ us giraffe “Oh hey little jimmy I have a present for you because Santa forgot your house this year” Jeffry said. “He did… that fat ass always skips my house I hope he burns where he stands that cheap SOB” I yelled. “No worries because I shot him in the head with my Semi auto Nerf Cannon and he ate the bullet, choked, shat himself, and died… oh and by the way did you see this picture Morgan Freeman isn’t he the most awesome actor ever, he got to play god… twice” Jeffery said excitedly. “I know I got it in my pocket… but what is my present” I asked. “Oh here you go” Jeffery said as he pulled out a wooden door stopper. “Oh my gosh it is here… finally, you are a life saver Jeffrey” I said excitedly. “Yeah I know… well I have nothing to do right now seems how toys’ R’ us fired me and put up cheap cartoon drawings rather than the real me, probably because of that PETA getting over reacting to animal abuse by displaying them on T.V.… so could I stick around” Jeffery asked. “Sure thing buddy” I said with my eyes crossed. “Alright… what are we going to do” Jeffery asked excitedly. “We, my friend… are going to watch a wild party” I said as I lifted the door stopper in the air. “What’s that smell” Jeffrey asked. “Oh I just shat myself” I explained.
The end of Little Jimmy’s story
Jose’s Supernatural sex story: (age 24, gender male) It was a hot and steamy night… ok so it was a little chilly but things were about to heat up as my sexy, buttery, baking, bagel vagina, girl friend wanted to have some bed bouncing time. I agreed with a smile on my face and a condom on my penis. My girl friend needed to get horny so she took out that picture of Morgan freeman and we then got naked and began making some loco tacos. Suddenly there was a ghost in my girl friends vagina, it began to tickle my penis and I laughed like a little school girl, I laughed so hard a shat myself and the ghost with my own ectoplasm he died… in my girl friends vagina… I don’t think she even knew it existed.
The end of Jose’s story