1) One night, a burglar broke into a home. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables and then he heard a strange voice echoing in the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." He got so scared, he jumped, turned his flashlight off and froze. After awhile when he didn't hear anything, he continued to search for valauables. He came across a stereo and while he pulled it out so he could unplug it, he heard the voice again, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined light around trying to find where the noise was coming from and in the corner of the room was a parrot in his cage. He whispered to the parrot and asked, "Did you say that?" "Yep" the parrot said, "I'm just trying to warn you" The burglar felt much better knowing it was the parrot, "Warning me, huh? And what is your name?" asked the burglar. "Moses" the parrot replied. "Moses?" The burglar laughed. "What kind of person would name their bird Moses?" "The kind of people that would name their rottweiler Jesus!"
2) Smith climbs to the top of Mount Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks God, "God, what does a million years mean to you?" God replies, "A minute." Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" God replies, "A penny." Smith askes, "God, can I have a penny?" God says, "In a minute."
3) A lady came across one of her sons Bibles and decided to mail it to him. She gets to the post of office to mail the package. The mailman asks her, "Is anything in this package fragile, perishable, breakable or potential hazardous?" The lady replies, "Yes, something that is breakable." Mailman asks, "What is in there that is breakable?" The lady says, "The Ten Commandments."