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Twilight - Jokes

Script By: Vampire slayer

I'm not really the best at jokes but you be the judge.

Submitted:Nov 18, 2010    Reads: 1,618    Comments: 13    Likes: 7   

Scene 1

(Sitting in biology class)

Teacher: Bella you will be partnered with Edward Cullen

Bella: Oh yeah! Biology just got hotter.

Edward: Hey darling. Ooo! You smell nice today!

Bella: Don't even think about it.

(Bella looks through the microscope)

Bella: Look! I found Rosalie's brain!

Edward: Well that solves the mystery!

Edward and Bella : Ha ha ha!

Edward: Bella.

Bella: Yes?

Edward: I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me.

Bella: Aww

Edward: After all this time, I finally found someone who understands me. You know with me being an ancient vampire and all.

Bella: Yeah?

Edward: Well people were starting to think I was…

Bella: Gay?

Edward: Old-fashioned!

Bella: Oh.

(the bell rings)

(Bella and Edward leave)

Bella: I'll meet you outside!

(Enter Alice, Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie)

Alice: Where's Bella?

Edward: She's coming.

Emmet: I gotta get home before the game starts.

Alice: They lose.

Emmet: Screw you Alice! Screw you!

(Bella comes out of the school when Mike Newton starts talking to her)

Edward: Ha ha ha!

Jasper: What's so funny?

Edward: Mike just got rejected!

(Bella leaves mike and starts walking over)

Alice: Bella!

(Alice ruches over to Bella and hugs her)

Bella: Alice! Chocking not breathing!

Alice: Oh, sorry.

Rosalie: Okay! She's here now lets go!

(Enter Jacob)

Jacob: Bella!

Bella: (Gasp) Jacob!

(Bella runs over to Jacob and hugs him)

Jacob: (Pokes his toung out at Edward) Hey there!

Rosalie: Ooooo Looks like you have some competition Edward!

Edward: Ha! Like Jacob has a chance competing with me!

Jacob: I see you are hanging with your bloodsucking friends!

Bella: Come on Jacob, be nice!

Edward: Come on Bella! We're leaving.

Jacob: You can't tell her what to do!

Edward: Stay out of this mutt!

Bella: Please Edward. Be nice to him

Edward: How can you stay with a dog!

Jacob: How can you stay with a leech!

Bella: (To herself) I wonder if Tyler is available tonight. Good thing these two can't read my mind.

Edward: (Grabbing a stick) Hey dog fetch!

Jacob: (Running after the stick) Woof, woof!

Edward: Ha ha that should keep him occupied! Come on lets go.

Scene 2

(At the Cullen's)

(Edward and Bella walk past the display case of graduation hats)

Bella: Why do you keep repeating yr 12 over and over?

Emmet: (Sarcastically) because taking geometry 50 times is what every vampire dreams of!

(Enter Carlile and Essme)

Carlile: Hello Bella.

Essme: How nice to see you!

Bella: Hello Mr and Mrs Cullen.

*Knock knock*

Carlile: I wonder who that could be.

(Enter Jacob)

Bella: Jacob, what a surprise!

Rosalie: I thought I smelt wet dog!

Jacob: You know how to drown a blonde? Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool!

Edward: Good one!

Everyone: Ha ha ha ha!!!!

(Rosalie grabs one of the dinner plates)

Rosalie: Let's pretend that this bowl is your face!


Essme: You always break my dinner plates!

Jacob: (To Jasper) Dude, what's with the hair? Seriously it's huge!

Emmet: Jasper's a gossip. He knows everything about everyone, that's why his hair is so big it's full of secrets!

Jasper: Don't bag the hair!

Alice: Oh no!

Jasper: What is it?

Alice: James, Victoria and Laurent are heading this way!

Carlile: We must get Bella out of here!

Alice: It's too late!

Edward: Oh please, I can run faster than anyone!

Alice: This isn't about your ego Edward! This is about protecting Bella!


(Enter James, Victoria and Laurent)

James: I smell…Cookies!

Essme: Oh, I'm just making them now. They should be ready in 10 minutes.

James: Lovely.

Carlile: Uh…would you all like to stay for dinner?

Laurent: We'd love to!


Essme: Dinners ready!

Emmet: Oh boy!

James: Yum!


Emmet and James: Owwww!

Essme: Where's your manners!

Edward: (To Jacob) Sit!

(Jacob sits)

Edward: Good dog.

(Hands him a cookie)

Jacob: Mmm…Cookie!

The End!


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