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Random Jokes

Script By: XxalexandraxX
Jokes



a great laugh of my fav jokes in the form of screenplays! ;)


Submitted:May 17, 2009    Reads: 1,175    Comments: 13    Likes: 0   


Ok, well here are some of my FAVORITE Random jokes! No offence to anyone, and they are really just for the fun of it! And they are in the form of a script. It's like a short screenplay of Random jokes! Hope you like it!

"Fellow Blonde"

Actors:
*A Blonde
* Kid
A Blonde walks around the park looking at all the children playing in the Sand Block. We see that her face is full of worry and thought.
A Blonde: (talking to herself) what am I to do? I don't have any money! And I need that new plastic surgery! Oh I know! I will kidnap a kid and ask for some ransom money, like they do in movies!
We see A Blonde's face light up and she dodges for the sand block.
The camera pans across the sand block, and A Blonde suddenly grabs a kid. The kid does not scream.
A Blonde: I have kidnapped you!
She hides behind a tree with the kid tightly in her arms. The Camera focuses on the Kid's face.
A Blonde: Kid, give me a piece of paper, now!
Kid: (gives her a piece of paper and a pen)
We see A Blonde writing a note.
"I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
A Blonde pins the note to the kid's shirt and sends him to show to his parents.
NEXT MORNING:
The camera pans across the playground and to the pecan tree. We see A Blonde uncovering a brown paper bag with $10,000 in it with a note.
The note reads: "How could you do this to a Fellow Blonde?"

"Funny you should come to me"

Actors:
*Rabbi
*Troubled Jewish Father
Camera focuses on Troubled Jewish Father. His face is covered with beads of sweat as he approaches the Rabbi.
Jewish Father: Shabbat Shalom, Rabbi
We see the father biting his lip in anxiety and shifting his weight from one foot to another.
Rabbi: Well, Shabbat Shalom, tell me what is troubling you.
The Rabbi looks concerned, and takes the Father's hand. The camera focuses on the Rabbi's face of worry.
Jewish Father: It's my son, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive barmitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?
The Rabbi nods in understanding, and sighs slowly.
Rabbi: Funny you should come to me, Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian.
The Jewish Father nods his head in shame, we see him look away, then look back to the Rabbi.
Jewish Father: What did you do?
Rabbi: I turned to God for the answer…
We see the Jewish Father's face light up in hope.
Jewish Father: And what did He say?
The Rabbi shakes his head.
Rabbi: He said "strange you should come to me…"

"He's done it again!"

Actors:
*Priest
*Cop
We see a speeding car pass by, and a Cop's sirens turn on. The cop's car follows a black sedan.
The camera follows the speeding car, as it slowly comes to a curve. The car has come to a full stop now, and we see a cop approaching the sedan.
Priest: What is it officer?
The priest asks loopy, his forehead trickling sweat.
Cop: License and Registration please. Do you know how fast you were going?
The Priest shakes his head in confusion, handing the cop the documents.
Priest: By Gods name, I can't.
Cop: You were going 80 mph, in a 35 zone. (Raises eyebrows)
We see the Priest taken aback, as more sweat forms on his crimson face.
The Cop looks to an almost empty bottle of wine on the passenger's seat, the camera follows.
Cop: (suspiciously) have you been drinking?
Priest: (Shakes his head in disbelief) of course not my son!
The cop eyes the wine bottle.
Cop: so, are you saying that's a bottle of water?
We see the Priest look to the bottle, shock spread across his face.
Priest: Why yes it was! The Lord has done it again!

"Look out! Trees!"

Actors:
*officer
*Blonde
Camera follows a swerving car, as it dodges from left to right on an empty street. Finally, the car has stopped swerving, and is totaled.
The camera focuses on a Blonde as she dusts herself of from the horrible accident. She waits for an officer to come.
Officer: Oh my! Lady are you alright? (Looks to the terribly smashed car being towed)
Blonde: Yeah, I think so. Strange! Not a scratch on me!
We see the Blonde examine herself.
Officer: (bewildered) how did this happen, ma'am?
We see the blonde looking deep in thought as she stares at the wreckage.
Blonde: Well, I was driving, and then suddenly I see a tree out of no where! So I swerve to the right, then I see another! So I swerve to the left, and I'm dodging for another one-
Officer: (examining car closely, notices air freshener) Ma'am, there isn't a tree on the road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.

"Through the window?"

Actors:
*Lenny
*Annie
We see Annie walk into a bar and spot her old friend Lenny. The camera focuses on her face as she smiles. The camera shifts to Lenny, and he smiles back.
Annie: (flirtatiously) Hey Lenny! You look great! Have you lost weight?
Lenny: (smiles weakly, while adjusting his thick framed glasses) Hehe, a little…
Annie: (sits on bar stool next to Lenny) how'd ya do it?
Lenny: Well, you know how I went to stay with my mom, and just sat on the couch and ate her food?
Annie: (Laughs a little) ya?
Lenny: Well, she stopped cooking, because she died, and she willed all of her furniture to the Salvation Army.
Annie: (sorrowful face) Oh I'm so sorry Lenny-
Lenny: Oh, its ok, she's still with me every day in her spirit. It's actually pretty embarrassing when I'm getting dressed, or in the bathroom, or having-
Annie: (makes a weird face) I'm sure she turns her head.
Lenny: You would think, but it never stopped her when she was alive.
Annie: (freaked out) Right…
Lenny: I remember when I was 16, and I was having my first time…she walked right in!
Annie: (still freaked out) Well, you should have locked your door…
Lenny: Oh, I did, she came in from the window.




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