Dear Shannan, (yes you can post this on your site)
I see that you had a coffee with Angel and she filled you in on where she's at, and that I proposed to her. I'm not sure what you girls are up to with all this posting that you are continually doing, but I am very relieved and grateful that you are putting it up on a site that the least number of people read!
I figured I should have my say in this little dialogue that you two are sharing with the world, only right as half of it involves me, and sadly the other half is about that idiot who is really beginning to annoy the crap out of me now. Can't he see the damage he has done to her beautiful soul? Does he even know anything of what he's triggered? Probably not, as he told her to piss off in a 'nice way', even though she stated her case so openly and honestly, bastard. Ok, maybe don't post this as I cannot hide my anger anymore and I'm going to look like the ^^(&#)@ here… but still, surely the masses out there get me here? I read her email to him to, that 'Release' one and I totally reckon that he was keen on her, seriously, I've pulled a few of those moves myself to get a chick and they usually work on the less intellectual and more insecure girls out there (and there are LOADS), but not on the likes of Angel, surely the guy could've figured that out from a mile away? Angel is in a class of her own, full stop. No suave, charming, flirting stuff has ever turned her head to giggle for any man.
Regardless of all that, I've gone off my reason for writing. Reading what Angel shared with you, and knowing that every single thing you have written about she has already told me, makes me love her even more. You know my past, which I reckon has a whole lot to do with why you don't rate me much, but nevertheless, my past has seen me out with dozens of girls. Do you think any of them were ever straight forward and honest with me? Hardly any, a handful, if that; and then it was only after I'd done something to trigger their honesty, like dump them or something. Yet, here's Angel, from the day I first met her she has been up front and honest with me. When I was telling her about my plans and how we could work a budget when we're hitched, I showed her my income, way more zeros than I think she has ever seen before; and do you know what she said to me? She said to me that, looking at my income and the wealth I'd worked so hard to get, she didn't think it would be a good idea for us to get married because she'd spend all my money on charity stuff! She's had this idea for an orphanage and some feeding scheme and church thing. Charity! The last four girls I've hooked up with, including the last one overseas that you typed about, they all told me the first car they would like me to buy them. One even showed me the first holiday home 'we' should buy in Hawaii! At the time I thought it was normal and even investigated fuel efficiency and international property purchase legislation; but I never acted on any of my findings. Now I'm stumped, by this phenomenal woman who once again did not think of herself first. Someone needs to be looking after her, because she isn't going to do it herself. She's going to keep pushing her health to one side, keep helping others when they ask, keep giving things to the needy and teaching for the rubbish money that teachers get. I can look after her, I can hold her, give her all the neck massages her stress levels require. I can be there for her when the independence takes its toll, when her health needs someone to cook her a meal, when the world has drained all that incredible patience she exudes, I can restore her batteries with care, patience and love in return for all she does.
I'm well aware that this idiot stands in the way of something really awesome between Angel and myself, and I detest him for it, whoever he is (she still refuses to tell me his name), and I can only hope that she will realise her worth and that he does not deserve her. Not that I do either, in the grand scheme of things, but damn it, she's made me want to be someone who is worthy, to be someone who makes a difference in some way, and I know I can do it if I'm supporting her.
I think of the Bruno Mars song: "Marry You" where the lines go something like, if we wake up and you wanna break up, that's cool, I won't blame you… but let's give it a try. I have so much to give, and I want to give it to someone who will use it for good, and see that despite my being a pain in the backside on occasion, there's a good soul underneath it all. Angel makes me want to give her everything I have, and I have never felt that for anyone before. I trust her, she'll never leave me hanging or play games with me, she'll say it like it is so I won't have to guess all the time. I want that, I love that, I want to keep that.
Yes, my past is dodgy, and I've spent a long while trying to rectify that, and Angel is the incentive, she is the Holy Grail, and I know she is the type of soul that loves unconditionally, so it will be hard for her to settle on one person, because she loves all; but I'd like to be her base and keep her foundation solid no matter what.
I'm hoping and praying she'll call and accept my proposal so we can change the world together, yet, I know that even if she says no, I'll still love her and I'm not leaving her side until she can smile with all her soul again. I remember her like that and I know that exuberant joy is still in her, somewhere, and it will rise again. I fully intend to be there to celebrate with her when it happens, no matter what.
Angel told me last week, over a Mugg and Bean coffee too, that I'm not aware enough, that I need to be more aware of the details, the little things in life. So last night, after a movie together, I gave her a DVD of The Phantom of The Opera, because I watched it on Friday night because my Mother forced me to. I noticed the monkey at the beginning; Angel has been plagued by those monkeys taking food from her kitchen. I noticed that Raoul stares at a couple who share a moment outside a Swarovski store, whilst he's longing for Christine, Angel loves Swarovski and I long for her. Then, you know how she is infatuated with that Disney film "Tangled"? Well, Christine's hair is done up with the same braids and suns/stars as Christine's. Do you think I would have noticed any of that with someone else? Do you think I would've been awake at all with anyone else? I don't think so. I've been asleep to life and Angel has woken me up, I do not want to go back to sleep again, I want to see life with its new colour, fragrance and texture; like Angel sees it. Of course there is the ending too… the Phantom loses and Raoul wins. I'm here, I'm part of her life, the Phantom is not around. I'm hoping she'll see the potential in me yet.
Thanks for being such an awesome friend to Angel over the years, I hope that the time ahead can bring me into a better light in your sight Miss Browne. And, I figure I'll throw it in here, I have a few outstanding single mates if you ever change your mind about the whole spinster thing ;-)