The Kitchen

Setting: kitchen table, evening: dinner time Kelly: Ma, give us the salt, will ya? Mother (Sue): I'm trying to feed the young wan can't ya see that? Move your arse and get it yourself. Kelly: I was only askin ya Ma. Mother: And I was only tellin ya. Now eat your feckin dinner before it gets cold. Nathan: Ah here, leave it out! Kelly: That's ancient ya muppet. Nathan: A did ya hear I battered your wan in school today, starting on me so she was. Darren: Jaysus, Nato, ya can't hit a girl. Nathan: can so, she started it so I gave her a going after, so I did. Kelly: Yah eejit, Nato, eejit. Mother: Now don't you be going calling your little brother names. He's only a babby. Darren: He's not a kid anymore, Ma, don't be babying him. Mother: Now don't you be so condeserting to me mister. Darren: It's condescending, Ma. Mother: You know what I'm like with me English, Darren. Now, shut up and eat your mash. Kelly: Ma, how's Bridget? Mother: How am I supposed to know? You know what that feckin sister of yours is like. Darren: Ah now, Ma... Mother: Don't ah now Ma me, she's a hypocondria! Darren: hypochondriac, Ma. Mother: whatever, son, will ya get me a fag outta me purse. Kelly: That's bad for the baby, Ma. Nathan: He's yellow like a feckin Simpson. Mother: don't slag off your brother, he's got jaundice. Nathan: what's that Ma? Mother: It makes him look sorta foreigneese. Darren: Ma, don't you be going on about dem foreigners again. Mother: comin in to our bleeding country and getting money off the council every week that's a disgrace. Darren: Da did that too, Ma. Mother: and your father was a bleeding scavenger! Kelly: don't talk about our da like that, Ma. Mother: I remember his last words like it was only yesterday...(baby cries) ' sue, why are ya pushin me in the middle of the road for?!' Kelly/Nathan/Darren: Ma!!!