After Him

Her eyes opened to an annoying buzzing sound. She looks at the clock, waits, and then eventually gets up, turning it off with a swing of her hand. After her shower, she examines her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes are brown, her hair limp, and her lips in a slight pout. She’s tired, always so tired.

She gets ready for a busy Friday. They’re always busy. She brushes her teeth, dries her hands and fixes her curly hair. She’ll have to tie it up later but it keeps her neck warm. She goes to the right side of her closet and pulls out her scrubs, blue top to match the blue bottoms.

She waits at the door fully clothed in a light sweater and she puts her headphones on. She presses play; only one voice would ease her mind, soothes the soul, and breaks her heart at the same time.

Breathing evenly she waits.

“Hi babe, you’re in the other room right now sleeping. I want to leave you this sexy message.” He chuckles lightly. “You can smile if you like.”

She smirks on his command.

“Do you remember the day we met, Halloween? You were so angry at the crowds milling around. You just got off a double shift at the restaurant and you were wearing the oxford and slacks I’ve grown so accustomed to ripping off you.

She chuckled at this remark. She remembered the endless nights of passion and the countless numbers of dress shirts he ruined. She walked down the street leisurely all the while listening to his handsome voice through her earphones.

“I stood in front of you, blocked your escape and, like in a cartoon, you stomped our feet. You were so angry. I grabbed you and hugged you until you hugged me back; it didn’t take long. I told you to meet me here in one hour. You nodded your head and I let you go. I knew you would be back. When you did, you were wearing this cute little number. I nearly lost it then. I held it together and I complemented on you attire.

“I took your hand and we started walking around the park nearby. We didn’t speak a word. A hockey player and a cheerleader out on a stroll in a park on Halloween night; that sounds like a horror movie waiting to happen.” He chuckled lightly.

“You confessed you didn’t have a Halloween costume, you threw on your old uniform from high school and it still fit. I confessed I wasn’t a hockey player; I had a jersey lying around. But you; your laughter was so contagious I couldn’t stop laughing. I didn’t want you to stop laughing either.”

His voice turning serious, “I can say now that I just wanted to be with someone that cold night. I’m glad it was you and I’m sorry it was you.”

She groaned to the pain in his voice. She sat on a bench watching the ducks swim lazily past. She was in control of her emotions; no tears ran down her face, no frown on her lips, nothing displayed on her face except content.

“I love you forever, you know that.”

She looked down at her hands that lay helplessly in her lap. There was a crackling and there was another noise where he cleared his throat.

“You just left for work. I didn’t tell you but I will. Last night was amazing, you are so amazing. You said you loved me forever. I said I loved, love you too. I’ll always love you.

I always love you

I always love you.”

There was several seconds of silence that started to lengthen.

“I’m sorry I wish I could’ve said what I wanted to. I wish I could turn back the time so that I didn’t meet you. But I can’t say that. I just told you the truth and now you hate me, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry it was with you. I’m sorry for it being me. I’m sorry for everything.”

“This apartment smells of you. I promised I’ll get you some more shirts. I know you only have two. When you see me again tell me how much you love me. Tell me what you like about me, tell me something you haven’t told anyone before, and tell me something to keep me going. Tell me that you’ll love again. And tell me you forgive me.

She stood at a bridge above a steady stream, overlooking the beautiful park where they meet years ago. She was premed in school and hating the world. Awkwardly she had the same feeling at present. She cleared her throat and stared at her fingers on the ledge.

“I love you a lot, you know that. I like your macho-ness even though I pretend not to. I like the way you kiss me, the thing you do with your leg, when you’re showing off.

“I was a busy college student, working minimum wage and paying for my bills. I wasn’t looking for love, and you forced yourself upon me.” A grin crossed her lips. “I’m going to keep going; I’m past that stage already. I will love again but not anytime soon. I don’t regret anything with you and I love—”

There was a scream being her as she stared in that direction.

“Help, Help!” a woman was screaming at the top of her lungs.

She started running toward the screaming woman and pushed through the growing crowd. With a quick glance at the man on the concrete, red spilling from his head, she shoved everyone away with her arms and with instructions.

“You call 911.” She pointed to a bystander.

“You, wrap your hand in my sweater and hold that wound close.” she pointed at another man standing around waiting for something to do.

She dropped her purse and took off her sweater simultaneously. She scooted herself towards his shoulder and started CPR immediately. She blew air unto his lungs and pushed down on his chest.

She entered the nurses’ station and leaned against the counter exhausted.

“He’s asking for you.” A nurse said typing on a computer.

She sighed, grabbed a binder, and walked to a room.

“Hello Elliot, I’m Ani. How are you feeling today.” She said scanning his chart for anything abnormal.

“Ani, is that short for something?”

Her eyes met his green eyes and nearly gawked at him. “Um… no it’s not short for anything just Ani.”

“So just Ani, you’re the one who saved my life. Thank you.” Elliot said inclining his head.

“You’re very welcome.” She replied, with a genuine smile. It felt foreign on her face.