She desperately pleaded him to stay. Her sobs were now
uncontrollably loud. He was the only person she could call hers.
Whom she loved and trusted with her heart and soul. Its been more
than three years since she fell for him. Since these three years
she has never loved someone this much. There are times when one
needs someone to catch them when they fall, someone to give their
shoulder for one to cry on, to save one from all the miseries of
this world. For her, that someone was none other but him.
"Please stay" he uttered in his faltered voice. Despite his magnificent cover up, she knew he was crying. This was it. She couldn't take it anymore. The last thing she ever wants to see is him upset.
"Fine, I am here" she said.
She didn't even wish to have him, or expected anything from him.....She only wanted to see him happy. No matter who he was with or what he did. She knew for sure that he was better off without her. Her presence only seemed to bother and annoy him now. Even after she came back to him.
Unlike her, he was popular and well-liked by people......especially girls. He had way more friends than she could ever imagine of having. Including that unknown friend of his that he'd talk to at night, for hours on phone. She knew that it was another lady friend of his, whose name he never told her despite of her persistent questions. It wasn't new for her though. Who wouldn't want to be with a man like him. She knew many other girls who would do anything to be at her place. A few years back she would've done anything to be where she was too. Everything changed by time.
Time. An amazing phenomenon in our lives it is. It changes things so steadily and perfectly, but still repeats the past over again at least once a while. Yes, her love for him changed too by time. She didn't love him the same way she used to 3 years ago. She loved him way more and deeper than that. But she still needed him to be there for her.
"I have a strong feeling that you want me to leave you." He said after a long pause and continued. "Please tell me I am wrong".
It took a while for her to think for an answer. Did she want him to leave her? How could she? He was everything for her. Her Awwal and her Aakhir. The only person who she ever got this close to in her life.
Yes. She would want him to leave her, only if that had to do for his own happiness and well-being. She always wanted to see him happy, even if her own happiness was the cost for it. She took a deep breath and said, "And I have a strong feeling that you're better off without me. My presence is not needed anymore".
She would've done anything to hear him be outraged at this, tell her that she is wrong and its not true at all. But he didn't say anything. Not a word. He only told her that he had to go and he can't stay anymore. She threw her head back closing her eyes hard, letting the tears welling up in them finally flow down her cheeks.
There was a time when they desperately looked forward to talk to each other. Back when their fights didn't even last for a day. Hours used to pass but they still had so much left to talk about. What happened? Where did they go wrong? Some questions just don't have any answer. Now all her existence did was increase his frustration and stress that he already had plenty in his life. Now, he found safe haven with that unknown friend of his. The one he talked to for hours on phone at night. The one, for whom he booked himself from 11 till 3. The one he was way closer to than he was close to her. Close? He didn't even consider himself close to her anymore. At times she got so unbearably annoying for him that he just left her hanging and couldn't be bothered replying to her texts or even talking to her. Yet every now and then, he told her that he loved her the most.
For her, he had always been, always was and perhaps always would be the closest person on earth. She did have loads of acquaintances, yet very few friends. He was one of her childhood friends that she was still so close to, even after all the ups and downs they both went through. But that's what a commitment means, doesn't it? Going through ups and downs, all types of thicks and thins and still standing strong with each other. Yes, these days, she didn't get much time during the day to talk to him. He was so far away. But she tried her utmost best to take some time out for him.....even when she knew that her presence would frustrate him more. But she couldn't avoid him, she tried so many times but failed pathetically. She knew that she needed him. She needed him to catch her when she falls, she needed his shoulder to let out every bit of grief she had, she needed him to save her from all her miseries. She needed him, to be there for her like he once promised. "Please stay" she squealed holding back her sobs. He was gone. He left leaving her hanging there once more.
She sat there recalling the time when he asked her to be with him. "I love you so much. I promise I'd always be there for you no matter what happens", his words were enough to assure her security, tranquility and love. Time. She unwrapped the parcel she found on her door this morning. The card with it said:
"This is for you and your love for books. Be strong. - Anonymous".
She slowly opened the box and found Lewis Smedes's "Love Within Limits: Realizing Selfless Love in a Selfish World".