"Their earrings are
their indicators.By observing them you can tell which ones are
good in bed.Now don't get all upset just 'cause I said it.Just
get all upset if it's true.So get all upset.It is."
That's what the man
We were in
Lenny's.You all know Lenny's.It's that neighborhood dive in San
Pedro perched there on the corner across the street from Von's.I
go there not just to wet my whistle, but to ear-hustle from
Steve, the man with the most game in all San Pedro.It was him wot
wrote "How to Have Great Game."Everybody knows him in the hood.He
was talking to a couple of us younger ones, just cubs really,
when I overheard a few choice words.
Now the boys were
paying attention.And Silvy, the girl at the bar, started paying
"Imagine a shop
girl from Subway Sandwiches, Mc Donald's or a checker in Vons or
Food for Less.All businesses try to make them look the same like
little droids.All the same like women in the Robert Palmer video
Addicted to Love.All all the same-like. But girls ain't
"They'll show you
their differences no matter what tops their bosses put on them,
no matter how unfashionable the tops they shove them into.Here's
how they do it."
This was when Silvy
started taking notes on the back of her receipt pad.
"You gotta be
careful with shop girls; they're a cautious variety of Bird.You
gotta creep up real quiet like.When you spot a good one, you give
her left hand the eye, and look for the ring.If it's not there
you gotta chance.Now's the time to really size her up and give
her the once over.If you like the package wrapping and if the
candy smells good you look for the indicators.With shop girls
it's hands off!You know?But the indicators, the indicators are
all eyes on."
The boys listened
intently.Instead of all eyes, they'd become all ears.
"Necklaces can't be
seen.They keep these uniform tops and shirts close on the top.
They don't want the male customers to bother their heads thinking
about cleavage.So, when you come to the only custom apparel you
can spot that only leaves one thing, the earrings.That's alright
if you know how to read them.Here's how."
Steve hesitated and
looked at his watch.It was a quarter to five.Only two sips of his
beer were left in his glass.
"I gotta leave
soon," he said, "I've got somewhere to be."
"It's not time
yet," said one of his friends.He was of his grad students in the
subject of Women and wanted to complete his thesis on time.Maybe
he was just hard up for a date.
"Tell us the rest
Oh Exulted Master."
responded, "I will."
ostentatious… no good.She's needy, wants attention.
If they're not,
then she picks out the design to please herself.That's
Women who want to
satisfy themselves are better in bed.Attention-getting girls fall
apart as soon as they've reached their threshold.They've already
got about all the attention they're going to get from you. So
they don't know what to do with themselves.Then it's all downhill
The others are all
uphill but at least you've got somewhere to go.At least you've
got a view, a bed with a view. What could be better?A woman doing
her thing is a thing to be admired. So now you know.I've done my
job.Now you're on your own boys.But really… next time… think
about the earrings… and pay attention!"
With this our note
books were closed.
He took the last
sip of his beer and jammed out the door.Silvy put away her
receipt pad and pencil.Class was obviously over.
Exulted Master going?" I asked Silvy.
"The shift at Von's
is changing," she said, "He's going to pick up a girl."
A hush drew over
the crowd.We hit the window as one.You could see from across the
street, him disappear from the parking lot and enter the
Noses were pressed
to the glass.
"There he is!" said
"He's coming out!"
"What's she like?"
said a third, "can you see her?"
When they saw what
they saw a collective sigh fogged the glass.Drool dripped down
which had to be wiped off later.
"But," said a
fourth, who needed closure to his lesson, "Her earrings, her
earrings?What about her damn earrings?"
"My God," said
Silvy, "What's up with that?She hasn't got any on."