My guts are hanging out of my anus. From what I can tell, that’s what’s happening.

I can’t really think straight.

I launched myself at the guy, took him out, but the next thing I know my colon is all over the grass, and I’m bleeding brown blood into the soil. Christ knows how it happened, but I can feel death coming. I can’t hear anyone coming to help me. But I can feel death coming.

I’ll try to explain.

I was on the way home from work. I was loaded up with all the crap I have to take back and forth, all day. Of course I’d drunk some of it. You have to, just to get through the day. Work’s lost the buzz it used to have. I can barely face it these days.

So I was overloaded, swaying maybe, but in total control. Then this guy came out of nowhere, until I’m in his shadow. I don’t know if he even works round here, but he started covering his face when he saw me, like he didn’t want me to see him. I had to go by him just to get back to base. But as soon as I got close to him he started throwing his arms round, going crazy. I’m weighed down with all this shit, and he thinks it’s a great idea to knock me off balance. I was going to leave it alone, just focus on getting back to that big bitch at base and offload all this stuff before getting some sleep, but then he caught me full in the face.

It hurt. I went down. So I got back up again.

Like a bull, I kicked my legs in the dirt then sprung back at him.

Right now the soil seems to be sucking up all the juice that’s coming out of my rear end. There’s a small trail of lower intestine laid out – pink and blue in equal measure. Blood is limply plopping out from a couple of ruptures in the side of it. I’m amazed it doesn’t hurt. It’s just a backward glugging sensation.

When I got him with that blow, I stuck him right on his cheek. I fell away from him and heard the ripping sound. That must be when my anus popped beneath my furry black and yellow behind.

I stung him good though. It was almost worth the kamikaze crap just to see his expression as the poison seeped into his face.