The Euro and the Rhinoceros
Mother Mercow, a kind proud old lady, lived in a big house called the Bundasbank, all would have been fine had she stayed there in her safe high walls made of stone crowned with the finest ivory.
But alas Miss Mercow was a gal about town and with her friends Mr Star-cozy, Tony Scare (he was particularly odd and had a one-eyed fiend as a friend called Brown Gordon, a strange mythical creature that roamed the wilderness of Scotland, kissing babies and eating money), then there were her two oldest pals Papa-underpay this off another dayous and Silver hairo balls up crony.
One day whilst partying at all the old peoples’ expense (they hadn’t worked out how to spend all the young peoples’ money that hadn’t even been born yet) a terrible terrible thing happened, an unemployed homeless man asked for money to buy food and although this was better than stealing (at least he asked) the pals were quite shocked and as one they rebuked the insolent former army private who had served his country and was now suffering post traumatic stress “we don’t just give money willy nilly to people just because they haven’t got any”, Papa turned away embarrassed, if only Mercow knew what Papa had been up to, Silver Hairo sniggered, Madcow had said willy she probably didn’t even know what one was, he sniggered some more at the thought of giving willy to nilly who ever she was and some money, Tony began to stutter it only happened when he was lying and had got worse since he had become a Politian, sometimes it would be weeks before he could say anything coherent, fortunately he had a wife that told everybody what he was thinking, as Tony began to speak the others ignored him, his wife had told them it was the best thing to do, if Tony thought no one was listening he could talk for hours (except about doctor David Kelly whether anyone was listening , not a bloody word),
Tony noticed a crowd had gathered and were watching them to see how they treated the poor serviceman, it was an ugly crowd getting uglier by the minute (but then Brits on holiday always look a bit odd).
“Young fellow me lad you don’t just ask for money, you have to do something for it” a tear came to his eye as he remembered his hard working father telling him the exact same thing when he was just five, he had heard it several times since usually when that funny man that played with trains popped round, Bob Crowny and the little elf that made Christmas so special, Bernice Ecclescake.
“have you got any receipts, anything at all , home improvements, laundry, gardening expenditure second home mortgage that sort of thing?”
The serviceman shook his head, he would have lumped the twat but he didn’t have the energy, besides which Tony’s bodyguard and personal fall guy Johnny Pressgang was stood behind him and it would have made a terrible mess.