October 25, 2012 - I found out today...

Posted on October 25, 2012

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There are those in life who care for us out of obligation.

There are those who love us due to having a similar name and/or bloodline.

There are those who like us though they know not our private inner thoughts/actions/fears.

There are those who accept us with grace…and never stop.

It is rare to find someone who does all these things and today I found out that this person died a few months ago. I am heartbroken not just for knowing she passed but for those who loved her and whose worlds are now lessened and are having to try to put the pieces of their life…back together one tear at a time.

This woman bore 3 children. Two of which became doctors. One of which took a different path but was no less intelligent or driven. This person I was blessed to get to know, over a period of 16 years, is an example of what is good in this world. A person who loves her children unconditionally. A person who gives of her time and her heart. A grandmother who loves her grandchildren and embraces their uniqueness. A loyal and loving wife. A teacher who does so not for monetary gain but to make a difference in the lives of those who are deemed ”special needs” all the while she emphasizes true acceptance and compassion never hesitating to go on bended knee to help these children…and their parents/caregivers.

She raised two independent children and she did a great job. She is loved by her friends, cherished by her family, and respected by all.

It was her mother who passed and to the outside world, not knowing of my circumstances, it would seem that I would have known – had to of known – etc. I didn’t and I will carry with me the pain(s) of all the things I never got to say including the forgiveness I had planned to earnestly ask for. I am saddened and I am hurt and my heart goes out to those who are forever devastated by this loss. I am so very…sorry.

This woman was special to me. She was a lovely woman who (sadly) was  a widow but carried herself with grace and care and she spoke her mind. She was wholly unique and she earned my respect. I loved her as much as one could being in my position/role. I will never forget her and I am forever saddened by the circumstances surrounding our parting and my learning of her passing these (approximately) five months later.

I am forever heart broken that I wasn’t allowed to be there to comfort my children each of which loved her. I wish that things were different…oh how I wish.

I hope, and I pray, that her children will be given the strength (from God) to; have time to heal, have time to cry, have time to mourn, and gradually the pain being replaced (but never forgotten) with the memories they shared and the (true) love that will always endure. I have always believed that love is a gift from God and it does not “die” when our physical bodies do.

To those who read these words PLEASE let your loved ones/family members know RIGHT NOW how much you love them. If you have done them wrong, in any aspect, make it right…NOW. If you know in your heart that your relationship is true love NEVER stop fighting for it all the while improving the relationship on a mutual basis. Don’t ever let yourself be in the position I find myself now in…typing words of regret instead of; taking actions, showing true change, holding true to those I love/loved, and doing everything you can…as you can.

Life is never guaranteed in quality or length. Those who God puts in our paths, and in our hearts, are there for a reason. We may not always agree but that is not what is important. What is important is what we do…and how we react…and how we improve…and what is our true intent.

I have lived long enough to have lost a sister, a family, relationships, my health, my physical abilities, my goals, and the love of my life. These realities take their toll, 24/7, in various ways. I can attest that the burdens of regret are among the heaviest to carry for they weigh on the heart…and on the soul.

Take heed. Don’t be afraid to love. Never shy away from what you know is right in your heart. Love. Care. rejoice. Strive. Pursue your talents. Give of our time and of your heart,

Whatever you do don’t take the path I have been forced to take..by learning second and third hand. By learning after it is too late.

Don’t wait for the heartbreak of these words…”I found out today” as they will be an unbearable weight and a reminder of all the things....you should have - and could have...done.