"Give me one more time around. Give me one more chance to see...Cause everything inside me looks like Everything I hate"
-On Fire by Switchfoot
More to the mysteries than what we think we know and were told. More to of the truth oozes out when the lies get to complicated to cover up and explain. Everything I've known as a kid is now nothing but empty words with intangled meanings. Why it took me this long to figure it out? I have an idea. It was always easy to trust those around me and I wanted to believe with my whole heart that they wouldn't lie or hurt me...but sadly, I was very wrong. Do understand I was never the girl that let people walk all over her, I was just the girl that let her family have that privilage. Out of fear of disappointment I obeyed and believed everything they told me. I remember when I was younger my mother and step father told my brothers and I to never trust "Church People" they are nothing but lairs, hypocrites, and money hungry people. Many years I believed in that and even the idea that God hated me because I was a "Bad Girl" for that thought I can thank a relitive. It was when I learned the crucial lesson of the art of observing people. That lesson radically changed my life and opened my eyes to see a whole new wold.
The people that were supposibly mean or low lifes, they actually turned out to be people who yes, may have been poor but worked hard and never had time to be with others. Then another life changing moment happend when I had an aunt take me to her church four years ago. Her and my uncle made me sit in the front and like any other teen I just wanted to die because of the fact that we were late and walked in as people were worshipping (Giving thanks to God by singing with the band playing music). Yet, when we sat down with a quick glance I noticed no one was watching us. There was no judgment or fakeness from them. You could actually tell that they were honestly being themselves. As the years passed I decided I wanted to be apart of something far greater than my understanding but I still observed them to see if what I was told was wrong; and so far I could say my parents were deeply wrong. It was up until four months ago when I finally came to the conclution that "Church People" are not people who are fake or hypocrites but they were people who truly love. Sometimes they love you even more than you would expect them to. I observed them and myself enough to say that they have truely treated me and other kids like there own. Helping me when I need it badly yet wont ask for it, letting us cry on there shoulders and holding us when we need that love. Being like a mother and father to us even if we aren't blood related.
During this moment right now I have two amazing ladies who treat me like a daughter and love me so much. They tought me that God isn't someone who hates but loves me more than they or my family can; that he forgives me when I screw up and back slide in life. Teaching me this by there actions more than there words. By them and others who are like a father, big brother and sister they are teaching me to love like God loved. Yes, they aren't perfect but unlike many they admite it, do there best, and don't try to be anything else but themselves. To me that's something that earns my respect, because unlike others I use to know they couldn't do that. Not saying people who don't believe in God are that way, I'm just saying those have been some of people in my life who I know. Lastly if it wasnt' for God and them I honestly wouldn't be able to hold on to reality and learn how to wait. To wait for the good blessing to come, to have faith and hope that better is to come if i just believe, and to really understand what love is. Again the art of observing people has been the best lesson I learned in life so far...