Despite all the advice, Lourdes found herself at Alexsander's
home. He wanted to sort things out, and she wanted
"This doesn't have to be a big deal." He said fixing her a
cup of tea.
"I agree." She said taking the tea and sitting down in front
of his large fireplace.
"So then you're okay with working this
He grabbed his mug also and sat down next to her. "I'm sorry
"Are you?" She asked.
He sat his mug on the coffee table. "You're the sweetest girl
I know, next to my mum and sis. I should have realized that you
wouldn't provoke me without reason."
"I don't even know how to respond to
"If I hurt you in any way-"
"You didn't, bruises heal." Lourdes said cutting him off and
setting her tea down.
He started to continue with his apology, but he stopped
himself. He sat up on the sofa closer to her. "So I hurt you..."
He said. "Not physically but...this thing with
"What about it?" She said sucking in her
"You should have told me you knew she was
"Me?" Lourdes' eyes widened. "Should, have
"Yes, you could have at least given me the chance to explain
Lourdes shook her head in disbelief.
"I didn't know she was coming." He said.
"So that makes everything better." She muttered, rolling her
"I'm not trying to make things better, I'm just trying to
"You're doing a bang up job."
"Give me a chance." He said.
"Fine, keep going."
"Celia and I are more like friends."
"I don't fuck my friends." Lourdes said sipping her
"You don't?" He asked sarcastically.
"Fuck you Alex." She said. "No pun
He laughed hoping it would ease up the moment. It didn't. So
he went back to explaining. "We've dated off and on for years.
She's back at home, I'm here all the time, the long distance
thing doesn't really work, it's was always more of a casual
"So casual that she's flying across oceans to see you."
Lourdes stared straight ahead.
"I had no idea about that. And trust me, I'll put a stop to
Lourdes nodded her head. She wanted to cry. Did he really
think she was buying this bullshit? "Okay, good talk," she said,
"I should go." She set her tea on the table and stood
"No wait," he grabbed her hand pulling her back down on the
sofa, "we're not done yet."
"Hmm?" She said suddenly feeling very tired, she couldn't
stand to hear another word.
"Lourdes look at me."
She looked at him. "What?"
"I'll take care of this."
"Right." She said nodding her head
"You don't believe me?" He said.
"I don't care." She exaggerated. "Your girlfriend can come,
not come, I have no control over anything, this isn't my life,
"This doesn't have to change things..." he said almost
pleading with her, "nothing has to change."
"I agree." She said flatly.
"So why don't I believe you?"
"No I agree, really," she said flatly again, "actually it
almost makes things better."
"Why is that?" He said looking confused.
"Because it'll keep things simple." Lourdes looked at Alex
and smiled reassuringly, but he had that same pained expression
from earlier. He got her meaning right away. Ever since she
walked in the door she was different. Her composure. Her
demeanor. It was sinking in to him fast, that she had one foot
out the door already. When they started seeing each other, they
were just suppose to be having a laugh. Just having a good time.
And she was right, him having a girlfriend did keep things
simple... But both of them knew that there was something more
between them. And she was finally showing him that he mattered to
her, just not the way he expected. He had hurt her. He realized
that keeping something like this from her might have been a
tragic mistake. He needed to do something, say
"Lourdes," he said concerned, "tell me what you're
"Gabriel's going to be out of town for the holiday," she
said, "I'm not going to play hostess if he's not
"Everything's taken care of, you'll be in and out of town
doing your own thing anyway-"
"Your just not going to show
"Maybe I'll drop by and say hello when Gabe
"Don't do this." He said, trying to reason with
"Do what?" She asked upset. "What am I doing? I've done
everything that the two of you have asked me to, and it's never
"Stop saying my name!" Lourdes stood up and started pacing
back and forth. This was exactly how she didn't want to react.
She didn't want him to know how badly she felt about all of this,
but she could feel the anger rising, and if she started, she
wouldn't be able to stop herself. "I have to go." She
"No." Alex stood up.
"Yes." She said grabbing her purse. "I just...I really gotta
get out of here."
Alex beat her to the door. "We have to finish talking about
"I know, I just can't...right now." She felt lightheaded and
he was blocking her way.
"Lourdes I already called her and told her not to
She looked at him, but said nothing.
"I told her that we hadn't been together in so long and I
felt like it should stay that way."
"That's good, that's great, I'm happy for you." She said
still trying to reach for the door knob. He grabbed her by the
waist and tried to pull her in close to him. "Noooo don't do
this." He whined.
"Alex let me go." She said trying to pull away from him, she
thought she was going to throw up. All the cheating, all the
lying, all the guilt...How could she be so stupid? She deserved
this happening to her.
"I don't think you have the right to
be this upset." He
"Alex if you don't let me go, I think I'm gonna
"I mean, you have Gabriel." He said still holding on to her,
"I know that!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, jerking
away from him. She let her purse drop to the floor as she backed
a few feet away from him. She put her hands on her face rubbing
her eyes fiercely, trying not to see red...She spun back around.
"I told you it was fine!"
"You say that," he yelled back, "but your actions speak
"It's fucking fine!" She yelled again, it was everything she
could do to keep tears from welling up in her eyes. "And for the
record, I never lied about anything!" She stopped for a moment,
trying to keep herself from shaking. "Why couldn't you have just
told me the truth huh?"
Alex looked down at his shoes, not sure what to
"You could have trusted me." Lourdes went on. "And you know
what? It probably wouldn't have mattered, I wanted you so much I
would have still been with you. Why does everything have to be a
slap in the face with you?"
Alex looked as if he wanted to apologize one more time, but
he said nothing.
"You know its not like I expected any of this to last...but I
didn't think the fun would be so, short lived. I didn't realize
when you promised a fuck, you meant it
"But you still have Gabe." He said
"You always knew about
Gabriel, Alex. There was never any shock factor there. But you
had every chance in the world to say something about Celia and
you never did. You deceived me from the beginning. Do you know
how that makes me feel? How stupid it makes me look? Do you care
about anything other than
"I could ask you the same thing." He said rubbing the back of
"Hey man," she said, "it's fine, it's cool, I fucking get it.
A man is a man-"
"Is a man, is man, is a dick..."
"is a dick, is an asshole, is you..."
"Stop." He said.
"All the lies, all the rumors. The media Alex...all the
girls, now this...it's too much. I'm over
"If you say my fucking name one more
Alex came closer to her, but she stepped
back. She tried to turn away from him as he embraced her. He
pulled her towards him. "Have you been listening to anything that
I've been saying to you? Do I get any points for telling you now?
I don't love her."
She pushed him away from her. "Why are you telling me this?
Tell it to her, because I don't want to hear
"If you give me the chance I will!"
"Fine, great, do it then!"
"So then why don't you just admit it!" He said. "You do
"Of course I care!" She yelled. "Are you that fucking
"I already told you that I don't love her! Isn't that enough?
What more do you want?"
"Why should it matter? Why should it be enough? You say one
thing and you do another! How am I suppose to believe anything
that comes out of your mouth? What am I supposed to do with your
slick words? You telling me that you don't love her means nothing
to me, because you don't love me either," she said looking at him
coldly, "so tell someone who cares." Lourdes looked into his
eyes. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but thought
better of it.
"Give me a chance to fix this." Alex said. "I know you, I can
make this better."
"You don't know me," she said shaking her head, "all you see
is the girl you think you know."
"You just have to trust me," he said, "there's nothing else
that you can really do."
"You don't know what I can do." Lourdes said
He raised his eyebrows. "Why does that feel like a
Lourdes said nothing.
"Your wrong," he said, "I do know you, and I can see it all
"You can huh?" She wouldn't even look at him anymore. "Well
hold on," she said, "hold on to yourself."
He turned her to face him. "Baby it's me...I'm still the same
"Only time will tell." She whispered.
"And I see you. I see you building back up that wall brick by
brick with every word I say. Don't do it, when it took me so long
to break that wall down."
"Too late..." She said trailing off. "Too
"You have to come out the bedroom, people will be arriving."
Albear said to Lourdes, throwing the covers off of
"I don't want to." She whined, adjusting her nightie as her
long legs poked out from underneath.
Albear walked around the room bare chested, in navy blue
sweatpants, "And turn that fucking cell phone off. If you're
going to spend the night avoiding people then I don't want to
hear it go off again."
"I have to leave it on." Lourdes rolled
"Why, so you can feel better about
ignoring him every time
he tries to contact you?" He asked, fixing his hair in the
"Yes." She mumbled.
"You are such a girl." Albear said.
"Never claimed that I wasn't." She said putting a pillow over
her head. Albear jumped into the bed with her, running his
fingers along her soft brown legs.. "Lisa and Melody are coming
"Noooo." Lourdes said.
"That's right. They might even bring the boys with
"Why are you trying to torture me?"
"They're your friends. We just want to cheer you up." Alby
rubbed her back. Lourdes tried to swat his hand
"Now my honey, what can I give you to ease your
"A bottle of whiskey and a straight raiser." She
Albear jumped out of bed and disappeared into the kitchen.
Lourdes could hear the refrigerator door opening and closing.
Albear came back and plopped down on the bed. "I'm all out of
straight raisers," he said, "but I do have a bottle of
"Get that shit away from me!" She said rolling
"Lourdes," Albear said sweetly, "I love you dearly but you
are driving me fucking crazy. If you don't stop being a whiny
little princess, I'm going to kick you out of my fucking
"I'm sorry." Lourdes said sitting up, her hair a mess and all
over the place. "I'm sorry, I don't want to be this
"So don't be. Fuck them. And don't go to any holiday parties
that he might be at."
Lourdes looked at Albear. He was stone face and unwavering.
He held up the popper and cracked it under her nose. Lourdes
inhaled deeply. She started to relax immediately as Albear took a
hit. He layed back on the bed and wrapped his arms around her as
she snuggled up on his chest. Lourdes closed her eyes. Albear was
nice and warm. He smelled so good. It felt good to have somebody
who really cared about her, hold her.
"Can I give you a bit of advice? If I may be so bold." Albear
"Yes please." She spoke quietly.
"We've all been where you are right now. Lamont, Corey, even
"Even you?" She asked.
"Sure," he said, "even me. You know I wasn't always the
indestructible Albear Sebastian."
"You could have fooled me." She muttered. She was starting to
tingle, the drugs were rushing over her
"My point is, in the end you'll make the right decision. No
one can tell you what to do or how to feel. Each situation is
personal and unique. You take what you learn from the experience
and just move forward."
"How'd you get so smart?" She said smiling, looking up at
"But you better not do it again." He said looking at her
"Give yourself away so freely to the first person you connect
with because your lonely."
"Albear..." Lourdes said, her feelings a little bit
"We're all born with the same condition." Albear continued.
"Everybody goes through it. It's a void that will never be
filled. Life will be richer, if you search oneself and know what
you want and need to be fulfilled."
Lourdes didn't know what to say. She didn't know why his
words stung her so deeply. Tears came to her eyes. She continued
to lay on Alby in mid-pose. He smiled at her. "Hey," he said,
"what the fuck do I know, I'm just talking
"No." She said. "Maybe you're right."
"No I'm not, come here." He put his hand around her neck and
pulled her close to him. They kissed. Albear pulled back
slightly. "I don't know anything." He said wiping her tears away.
He kissed her again. Albear held her close to him as he kept
kissing her. Lourdes started to tingle again. The drugs and his
lips felt very nice. Alby grabbed her hand and put it on his
crotch. Lourdes rubbed his hard on as he started french kissing
her. They were practically in a full on make out session before
she realized what the hell she was doing. Lourdes giggled and
pulled away from him. "Albear, what are you
Albear laughed also. "Nothing," he said, "blame it on the
"Yeah," she said nodding her head. "the candy." She sat up.
"I better pull myself together before everyone gets here."
Lourdes scooted off the bed and walked off quickly into Albear's
bathroom and closed the door behind her.