Despite all the advice, Lourdes found herself at Alexsander's home. He wanted to sort things out, and she wanted closure.
"This doesn't have to be a big deal." He said fixing her a cup of tea.
"I agree." She said taking the tea and sitting down in front of his large fireplace.
"So then you're okay with working this out?"
He grabbed his mug also and sat down next to her. "I'm sorry about earlier."
"Are you?" She asked.
He sat his mug on the coffee table. "You're the sweetest girl I know, next to my mum and sis. I should have realized that you wouldn't provoke me without reason."
"I don't even know how to respond to that."
"If I hurt you in any way-"
"You didn't, bruises heal." Lourdes said cutting him off and setting her tea down.
He started to continue with his apology, but he stopped himself. He sat up on the sofa closer to her. "So I hurt you..." He said. "Not physically but...this thing with Celia."
"What about it?" She said sucking in her breath.
"You should have told me you knew she was coming."
"Me?" Lourdes' eyes widened. "Should, have told you?"
"Yes, you could have at least given me the chance to explain myself."
Lourdes shook her head in disbelief.
"I didn't know she was coming." He said.
"So that makes everything better." She muttered, rolling her eyes.
"I'm not trying to make things better, I'm just trying to explain."
"You're doing a bang up job."
"Give me a chance." He said.
"Fine, keep going."
"Celia and I are more like friends."
"I don't fuck my friends." Lourdes said sipping her tea.
"You don't?" He asked sarcastically.
"Fuck you Alex." She said. "No pun intended."
He laughed hoping it would ease up the moment. It didn't. So he went back to explaining. "We've dated off and on for years. She's back at home, I'm here all the time, the long distance thing doesn't really work, it's was always more of a casual relationship."
"So casual that she's flying across oceans to see you." Lourdes stared straight ahead.
"I had no idea about that. And trust me, I'll put a stop to it."
Lourdes nodded her head. She wanted to cry. Did he really think she was buying this bullshit? "Okay, good talk," she said, "I should go." She set her tea on the table and stood up.
"No wait," he grabbed her hand pulling her back down on the sofa, "we're not done yet."
"Hmm?" She said suddenly feeling very tired, she couldn't stand to hear another word.
"Lourdes look at me."
She looked at him. "What?"
"I'll take care of this."
"Right." She said nodding her head again.
"You don't believe me?" He said.
"I don't care." She exaggerated. "Your girlfriend can come, not come, I have no control over anything, this isn't my life, it's yours."
"This doesn't have to change things..." he said almost pleading with her, "nothing has to change."
"I agree." She said flatly.
"So why don't I believe you?"
"No I agree, really," she said flatly again, "actually it almost makes things better."
"Why is that?" He said looking confused.
"Because it'll keep things simple." Lourdes looked at Alex and smiled reassuringly, but he had that same pained expression from earlier. He got her meaning right away. Ever since she walked in the door she was different. Her composure. Her demeanor. It was sinking in to him fast, that she had one foot out the door already. When they started seeing each other, they were just suppose to be having a laugh. Just having a good time. And she was right, him having a girlfriend did keep things simple... But both of them knew that there was something more between them. And she was finally showing him that he mattered to her, just not the way he expected. He had hurt her. He realized that keeping something like this from her might have been a tragic mistake. He needed to do something, say something.
"Lourdes," he said concerned, "tell me what you're thinking?"
"Gabriel's going to be out of town for the holiday," she said, "I'm not going to play hostess if he's not here."
"Everything's taken care of, you'll be in and out of town doing your own thing anyway-”
“Your just not going to show up?”
“Maybe I'll drop by and say hello when Gabe gets back."
"Don't do this." He said, trying to reason with her.
"Do what?" She asked upset. "What am I doing? I've done everything that the two of you have asked me to, and it's never enough!"
"Stop saying my name!" Lourdes stood up and started pacing back and forth. This was exactly how she didn't want to react. She didn't want him to know how badly she felt about all of this, but she could feel the anger rising, and if she started, she wouldn't be able to stop herself. "I have to go." She said.
"No." Alex stood up.
"Yes." She said grabbing her purse. "I just...I really gotta get out of here."
Alex beat her to the door. "We have to finish talking about this."
"I know, I just can't...right now." She felt lightheaded and he was blocking her way.
"Lourdes I already called her and told her not to come."
She looked at him, but said nothing.
"I told her that we hadn't been together in so long and I felt like it should stay that way."
"That's good, that's great, I'm happy for you." She said still trying to reach for the door knob. He grabbed her by the waist and tried to pull her in close to him. "Noooo don't do this." He whined.
"Alex let me go." She said trying to pull away from him, she thought she was going to throw up. All the cheating, all the lying, all the guilt...How could she be so stupid? She deserved this happening to her.
"I don't think you have the right to be this upset." He said.
"Alex if you don't let me go, I think I'm gonna scream."
"I mean, you have Gabriel." He said still holding on to her, getting agitated.
"I know that!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, jerking away from him. She let her purse drop to the floor as she backed a few feet away from him. She put her hands on her face rubbing her eyes fiercely, trying not to see red...She spun back around. "I told you it was fine!"
"You say that," he yelled back, "but your actions speak otherwise!"
"It's fucking fine!" She yelled again, it was everything she could do to keep tears from welling up in her eyes. "And for the record, I never lied about anything!" She stopped for a moment, trying to keep herself from shaking. "Why couldn't you have just told me the truth huh?"
Alex looked down at his shoes, not sure what to say.
"You could have trusted me." Lourdes went on. "And you know what? It probably wouldn't have mattered, I wanted you so much I would have still been with you. Why does everything have to be a slap in the face with you?"
Alex looked as if he wanted to apologize one more time, but he said nothing.
"You know its not like I expected any of this to last...but I didn't think the fun would be so, short lived. I didn't realize when you promised a fuck, you meant it literally."
"But you still have Gabe." He said quietly.
"You always knew about Gabriel, Alex. There was never any shock factor there. But you had every chance in the world to say something about Celia and you never did. You deceived me from the beginning. Do you know how that makes me feel? How stupid it makes me look? Do you care about anything other than yourself?"
"I could ask you the same thing." He said rubbing the back of his neck.
"Hey man," she said, "it's fine, it's cool, I fucking get it. A man is a man-"
"Is a man, is man, is a dick..."
"is a dick, is an asshole, is you..."
"Stop." He said.
"All the lies, all the rumors. The media Alex...all the girls, now this...it's too much. I'm over it."
"If you say my fucking name one more time..."
Alex came closer to her, but she stepped back. She tried to turn away from him as he embraced her. He pulled her towards him. "Have you been listening to anything that I've been saying to you? Do I get any points for telling you now? I don't love her."
She pushed him away from her. "Why are you telling me this? Tell it to her, because I don't want to hear it!"
"If you give me the chance I will!"
"Fine, great, do it then!"
"So then why don't you just admit it!" He said. "You do care?!"
"Of course I care!" She yelled. "Are you that fucking dense?"
"I already told you that I don't love her! Isn't that enough? What more do you want?"
"Why should it matter? Why should it be enough? You say one thing and you do another! How am I suppose to believe anything that comes out of your mouth? What am I supposed to do with your slick words? You telling me that you don't love her means nothing to me, because you don't love me either," she said looking at him coldly, "so tell someone who cares." Lourdes looked into his eyes. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but thought better of it.
"Give me a chance to fix this." Alex said. "I know you, I can make this better."
"You don't know me," she said shaking her head, "all you see is the girl you think you know."
"You just have to trust me," he said, "there's nothing else that you can really do."
"You don't know what I can do." Lourdes said bitterly.
He raised his eyebrows. "Why does that feel like a threat?"
Lourdes said nothing.
"Your wrong," he said, "I do know you, and I can see it all going away."
"You can huh?" She wouldn't even look at him anymore. "Well hold on," she said, "hold on to yourself."
He turned her to face him. "Baby it's me...I'm still the same guy."
"Only time will tell." She whispered.
"And I see you. I see you building back up that wall brick by brick with every word I say. Don't do it, when it took me so long to break that wall down."
"Too late..." She said trailing off. "Too late."
"You have to come out the bedroom, people will be arriving." Albear said to Lourdes, throwing the covers off of her.
"I don't want to." She whined, adjusting her nightie as her long legs poked out from underneath.
Albear walked around the room bare chested, in navy blue sweatpants, "And turn that fucking cell phone off. If you're going to spend the night avoiding people then I don't want to hear it go off again."
"I have to leave it on." Lourdes rolled over.
"Why, so you can feel better about ignoring him every time he tries to contact you?" He asked, fixing his hair in the mirror.
"Yes." She mumbled.
"You are such a girl." Albear said.
"Never claimed that I wasn't." She said putting a pillow over her head. Albear jumped into the bed with her, running his fingers along her soft brown legs.. "Lisa and Melody are coming over."
"Noooo." Lourdes said.
"That's right. They might even bring the boys with them."
"Why are you trying to torture me?"
"They're your friends. We just want to cheer you up." Alby rubbed her back. Lourdes tried to swat his hand away.
"Now my honey, what can I give you to ease your pain?"
"A bottle of whiskey and a straight raiser." She said.
Albear jumped out of bed and disappeared into the kitchen. Lourdes could hear the refrigerator door opening and closing. Albear came back and plopped down on the bed. "I'm all out of straight raisers," he said, "but I do have a bottle of poppers."
"Get that shit away from me!" She said rolling over.
"Lourdes," Albear said sweetly, "I love you dearly but you are driving me fucking crazy. If you don't stop being a whiny little princess, I'm going to kick you out of my fucking house."
"I'm sorry." Lourdes said sitting up, her hair a mess and all over the place. "I'm sorry, I don't want to be this person."
"So don't be. Fuck them. And don't go to any holiday parties that he might be at."
Lourdes looked at Albear. He was stone face and unwavering. He held up the popper and cracked it under her nose. Lourdes inhaled deeply. She started to relax immediately as Albear took a hit. He layed back on the bed and wrapped his arms around her as she snuggled up on his chest. Lourdes closed her eyes. Albear was nice and warm. He smelled so good. It felt good to have somebody who really cared about her, hold her.
"Can I give you a bit of advice? If I may be so bold." Albear said.
"Yes please." She spoke quietly.
"We've all been where you are right now. Lamont, Corey, even Ty."
"Even you?" She asked.
"Sure," he said, "even me. You know I wasn't always the indestructible Albear Sebastian."
"You could have fooled me." She muttered. She was starting to tingle, the drugs were rushing over her body.
"My point is, in the end you'll make the right decision. No one can tell you what to do or how to feel. Each situation is personal and unique. You take what you learn from the experience and just move forward."
"How'd you get so smart?" She said smiling, looking up at him.
"But you better not do it again." He said looking at her seriously.
"Give yourself away so freely to the first person you connect with because your lonely."
"Albear..." Lourdes said, her feelings a little bit hurt.
"We're all born with the same condition." Albear continued. "Everybody goes through it. It's a void that will never be filled. Life will be richer, if you search oneself and know what you want and need to be fulfilled."
Lourdes didn't know what to say. She didn't know why his words stung her so deeply. Tears came to her eyes. She continued to lay on Alby in mid-pose. He smiled at her. "Hey," he said, "what the fuck do I know, I'm just talking shit."
"No." She said. "Maybe you're right."
"No I'm not, come here." He put his hand around her neck and pulled her close to him. They kissed. Albear pulled back slightly. "I don't know anything." He said wiping her tears away. He kissed her again. Albear held her close to him as he kept kissing her. Lourdes started to tingle again. The drugs and his lips felt very nice. Alby grabbed her hand and put it on his crotch. Lourdes rubbed his hard on as he started french kissing her. They were practically in a full on make out session before she realized what the hell she was doing. Lourdes giggled and pulled away from him. "Albear, what are you doing?"
Albear laughed also. "Nothing," he said, "blame it on the candy."
"Yeah," she said nodding her head. "the candy." She sat up. "I better pull myself together before everyone gets here." Lourdes scooted off the bed and walked off quickly into Albear's bathroom and closed the door behind her.