When I think about my mother I remember how much I miss her and how much she has missed. She missed her youngest daughter's wedding and the birth of her first grandchild. I like to think that she is in heaven looking down on us and still sees everything. It helps me not to be as sad to think she can see us we just can't see her. No matter what she will always be missed.
When we think back about someone we always remember the good and the bad. My most prominent memory is unfortunately a bad memory. It is a memory that has taken me years to come to terms with. It is the memory of her death.
It was around midnight when my fiancé woke me up. An ambulance and fire truck were in front of the house. My fiancé stopped me when I went to run to my parent's room. He told me that my mother had stopped breathing and they were trying to resuscitate her.
They got her heartbeat after what seemed like hours and took her to the hospital. We rushed behind them and waited to find out how she was and what happened. It took quite a few hours before we were taken to ICU were she was on full life support. She was not awake and never would be again. They ran test after test to find out why but in the end there was nothing they could do. She was brain dead due to lack of oxygen.
With family all around we decided to fulfill her wishes to never be kept on life support without hope. It's not like the movies were they turn off the machine and you hear the flat line of the machine and that's it. In real life it can take hours or days of slow barely breathing. Hers took over 12 hours and was pure torture. It was the worst experience of my life. I have made it very clear to my husband that this will never be the last memory of me for my children, not that I think the same thing will happen.
Now that you know the end of her life and my last memory of her I want to tell you a little about her life as I grew up. I can remember trips to Disney World and Universal Studios were my mom would act like a child again. She loved to see tiger and all the other characters, ride the rides and of course enjoy the shows. We also went on yearly boat trips every summer when we were little. We would leave around Buffalo, NY and travel up Lake Erie through the Erie Barge Canal. We would travel up through Canada and eventually turn around and head back. These were the great memories of my mom.
My mother had some trouble through her life. She had a bad relationship with her mother and suffered a few miscarriages. She also had a few medical problems, Fibromyalgia, Multiple Sclerosis and she suffered from both Bulimia and Anorexia. She suffered from an addictive personality that caused her to be addicted to alcohol and her pain pills. On her good days we would laugh and have fun for hours but on a bad day we wouldn't sleep all night so we could watch her breathing. She had stopped breathing before on us.
All in all she was a great mother, wife and friend. If you have learned nothing from this essay that is fine but I hope that you learn that as long as you show love to your children they can love you through anything. Love can heal old wounds and bring together families again.