Introvert, extravert, labels are as misleading as first impressions.
The hardest part about writing is the takeoff. How should I begin, what should I start with, what should I say? It is bad when you have no ideas at all and it is bad when you have too many ideas, because you have no clue which one of those would make the best of itself. It is never easy, never comfortable; to write a good beginning that would attract is art. And so here I am, weighing pros and cons of several variations in order to find the right words to explain This December. Because of not getting very far with my options, I have decided not to bother and simply let the words pour as they wish for themselves.
You know the feeling with which you wake up which is always somehow different. You sense that this day is going to be different. And so it had been raining for a week nonstop until I woke up yesterday and saw that the sky is different, clouds are light, sunshine is right there outside my window, kids are excited about being able to go to the playground and birds have woken from their hidden nests. I had decided the day before that the next day I would get myself out of the house, out of my room. It is strange how during school holiday I tend to get all weary and avoid contact, avoid people. Might be so because the closest ones have gone away, might be because I am really too lazy to try to make the best of my time with the ones who have stayed, because that would imply not being myself, not enjoying things to the fullest. There would be excitement, that is for sure, but... sometimes I am just too lazy (what others might consider to be too pathetic or boring) to follow the crowd. At the end, it is easier to stick to my own way, my own habits, my own adventures.
After having the most refreshing shower (one of the most necessary things lately, considering that the earliest I had gone to bed in two weeks is around 5 am) I got ready to step out there. With an optimistic view towards life I chose Jefferson Airplane to play the background tune for the day.
In town I walked around the tiny streets (the colour of beige really is one of the most, if not the main, dominant colours in Luxembourg), took so many pictures of passersby, streets and of their vivacity, truly picturesque sceneries, everyday rush. Fell for `SALE` posters that appear so often in the end of December / start of January, and then took a take-away Americano in the coffee shop which always has the nicest waiters to take your order. Never had taken Americano there before, I must say I had been blinded with all the terribly sweet imitations of what ought to be a real coffee.
I will take the first sip only when I'm down in Grund and sitting on the perfect bench I told myself having decided to train my will power. Yet as I took my first steps in the direction to Grund, really the place I like the best in Luxembourg, I understood that I will have to repeat it to my self for hundreds of times. But the wilderness down there, in Grund, really is worth the wait! Paths leading through walls of massive rock, trees and their leaves covering the ground (there really is no real winter in Luxembourg). It was not easy to resist the temptation of keeping myself away from the warm coffee cup in my hand. Especially because the light was shining miraculously and I had to, just had to walk loops to capture the moment, to feel it and to memorize it. To tell the truth, I was impressed by my multitasking skills. To notice the atmosphere around, to hold coffee, to manage to work with my camera, to think about lines that ought to be written down as soon as possible and then later to realize that there is a pack of cigarettes in my bag (which led to a very enjoyable nicotine rush while still searching for that perfect bench), really made me feel like there is nothing that could not be done by a woman.
I had got a bit anxious, so many free benches to sit on, but none of them felt like mine. My coffee was not as warm anymore and I started to doubt the meaning of an ideal afternoon. Mainly because of my fault, I was the one who decided to train the will power. Oh, well. After a couple of minutes I found what I had been looking for. The bench. Surrounded by thick trees, away from the main path, no one was able to see me there. Just the way I wanted and liked it.
Spring was in the air, the sky was still clear even though the sun was starting to go down. Sitting there with my America, still listening to Jefferson Airplane, a cigarette asking to be breathed in. The Paris Wife (by Paula McLain), however, remained unread. I can multitask for as much as I like, I will never be able to combine a flawless book with great music taking me away to a vorfreude state. And thankfully I had a pen with me. Lately I have been waking up just to write something down. The fear of losing a thought is inexplicably annoying. And then a bit later I found myself staring at countless strands of smoke being blown by the breeze. Flowing and slowly vanishing they are simply brilliant.
Having finished my coffee, I started to walk uphill to go back. A different turn in my beforehand expected route led me to another part of the town. More pictures had to be taken, and now as I write this I see them in my mind. In what I thought would be empty streets and quiet parks, people were looking at me smiling, looking back and saying something in French. Sometimes you don't care for the reason, it does not matter if the smile or the very strange yet uplifting compliment comes from a friend or a mysterious passerby. You accept, think kindly, smile back and think about how nice the world can be.
After having spent time outdoors on my own I thought how nice it would be to surprise my sister. Then having bought noodles I was more than happy to go home. However, the bust did not take me far, since I stepped out of it after three stops. Do not why, but I felt trapped. Lack of air, lack of space made me decide to walk home a couple more kilometres. And so with hands as cold as icicles I did not mind to keep walking against the blowing winds, listening to nothing, but passing cars. Only if you knew, how lovely it was to find my sister making dinner for us. Pancakes and three bottles of wine made us energetic enough to keep playing board games with the whole family until 3 am. With laughter and warm feelings we had greeted the next day.
What a wonderful day that was. Adding loads to the month, this December is simply amazing. The most exciting Christmas, receiving books, baking, venturing with people who have moved from Luxembourg, meeting the ones who I had not seen for so long, reading, listening, enjoying, writing, being inspired. Does it get much better than this?