There is a time in everybody's life when they realize that the path to their future is coming fast and that any sudden choice or action can change the path that they thought was chosen for them. When the realization comes, it's like time stops and everything freezes in that one specific moment. The world around you slows down as if you are the main component of its spherical orbit around the sun. You see every part of your life's past lead up to what your life is now. Then you see the consequences of the choices that you've made so far in the present. It all seems to lead to everything you are now to everything that you'll be. The realization is both worrisome and troubling. That exact realization occurred to me when the ending of this year, my sophomore year, slowly began to arrive.
The moment that I realized my future is becoming closer and closer to actually happening, it was like everything fell to complete silence and the voices around me drowned out. I stood there, still and unable to react to the world around me. It was like nothing else existed but me. I could clearly see the path in front of me. The path had one road with two different paths branching off of it. The path on the right had the beginning of a dark and slightly frightening future filled with failure and remorseful regret. The path on the left showed the beginning of a slightly more promising future, but it led to a depressing misery that nearly scared me to death.
The road that was right in front of me shown with a dim ray of light. It was calling me and beckoning me. As if to tell me beforehand that my life had a better and much higher purpose than the life that I am currently living. It led me to believe that I could be pulled out of the dark and current life that I was living and that it would help guide me in the path that was right for me. It also helped me to realize that everything in life including the future was always constantly changing. So, I no longer really had to worry about which specific path was right for me. From then on, I truly believed that when the future became present reality, I would be ready because the right path could come and find me. I wouldn't be completely lost in finding which future was truly right for me.
Then, I began thinking about all of the possibilities that were handed to me and the possibilities that were only slightly out of my reach. Many times I had thought that all the possibilities were impossibilities and that I couldn't reach them even if I had really tried. To me, everything seemed to be another completely detached and separate reality to what I was seeing around me. But, it wasn't. I had been blind to what I had already seen because I only saw the reflection of my face in the mirror. It was like I had only seen half of the picture, with the other half torn away and missing. Or, it was like a complex and oddly shaped puzzle piece missing, leaving the entire puzzle incomplete.
I was still left with feelings of uneasiness and paranoia. It was a terrifying and potentially potent mix of feelings. The light was still calling and beckoning to me, but the dim ray of light was darkening and it seemed if it was perishing for an eternity, leaving me all alone. Slowly but surely everything else around me began to come back to life as time began to unfreeze, as if reality was returning to me and reminding me that I still had to live in the present. My eyes moved as the vision of my future flashed from my eyes, leaving me standing there with an expression that was both blank and filled with relentless worry. I still didn't know what was to become of me. Then I was suddenly able to breathe.