Family Affairs

These things are mine and I hold them close to my heart so no one can see how badly I hurt. Why does it have to be the people that I try to trust the most when I can barely trust at all that break these things of mine? I laugh, I smile, I talk with you. You don't understand what's on my mind, I try to hide the pain you inflict. I try to prove that I love you all. When the day is almost gone I sit alone and fantasize about how life would be if it never happened. The feelings of rejection can play mindgames on your soul, if you were the ones who told me that, then why on earth would you reject me? I pretent just to fit in, I can't help it if you dislike me. I'm stuck in a whirlwind of unknown things, these things that stick like glue the things I hold dear. Im waiting for there to be a time when you won't be like this or for a time that everyone will stop to see the trail they left behind. When you read what I wrote down, did you not think you were going to stumble across nothing but the truth? Or out of true human defect you thought that the words I wrote were going to be sincere and loving. Why should I write about love and sincerity when no one has yet to show me an ounce? I can't understand your feelings of hate for me at this moment, but looking into my mind you have seen things that you possibly couldn't understand. I want you to all see that this is my goodbye, Im not coming back home. The place you tell me to call home. I'm staying where I should be and nothing further or closer. I wish to have nothing to do with you, I wish to never see you. In the time Im giving you to release your anger of me I hope that these things will simply just end. A lost lovers tale that has no end. A widow who needs company that cannot be given. A child who used to know and understand is once again confused by things she can't handle. I wish to see someone, the one person who has had my heart from the very begining. I wish to see a person who has been long gone. What I write is what I think. These things are mine and I hold them close to my heart so no one can see how badly I hurt.