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An eighteen year old's ramblings


Submitted:Apr 5, 2014    Reads: 7    Comments: 0    Likes: 1   


The past is a ghost, the future a dream. All we ever have is now.

Bill Cosby

-

I don't know if I'm truly evil. I honestly don't. Can you truly be evil if you have your own set of morals for yourself? All my life, I've wondered this. I hate, oh man do I hate. But I don't let myself generalise. I can't say I hold balance, either, and it scares me that I hold nothing more than even passing affection to my family.

Every day I find it harder and harder to get out of my bed, to actually see that whilst yesterday was the same as the past five, today will be the change. Today, I will finally be able to show the world who, no, what I truly am.

A monster hiding under an introvert's skin, underestimated and bound because of the restraint I place on myself, holding in years of rage, an everyday struggle not to simply release it on people who don't deserve it.

But.

If I am given a chance and the push I need, I can, no I will, change.

I know that, if ninety-nine percent of the time it stays the same, there is that one percent where it will change. Where I will change. Where I will gain the friendship I want, the companions I desire.

That is what I live for. That is what drives me.





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