Thursday, November 17--
--to my mother.
I miss eating cereal and watching cartoons with you all day on Saturdays, mom. Why can't you come home sooner? I'm eating well here... And about Aunt Kathy--Well, mom, you know how she can be--how she tends to over exaggerate things.
When I first got here, the very first thing she said to me was, "Anna... My God, you're as thin as a rail!"
Now... I know that I didn't eat much at home, but-- I couldn't have been as thin as she says. We made due with whatever we had, didn't we? And, it was enough. The cereal on Saturdays... French fries whenever you weren't quite well enough to make dinner...
I'm laughing quietly to myself right now--maybe it's the nostalgia... Or maybe the laughing is just an odd attempt at blocking the hurt I feel when writing this. The memories are beginning to sting--but, they're all I have. Maybe Aunt Kathy wasn't exaggerating as much as I thought...
Hey, mom--wherever you are--remember when we ate canned peaches and rice for dinner those two weeks in March? Yea... the only time I felt that I could eat decently was at school... And, I felt guilty eating there and not being able to bring anything home to you--
Damn... I've written a lot more than I expected. I'm going to bed now. Love you, mom.
Friday, november 18--
About an hour after lying down last night, I came to the realization that I wouldn't be sleeping. So, I left the curtains open and looked up at the moon from my bed. It's so bright here, mom; not covered with the haze of bright city lights and smog like back at home... I stared and wished and hoped that things were going well with your recovery sessions and that you would be coming back soon--
But mom, I swear, my room door opened and it was him... Seth was standing in my doorway... So, I laid still and pretended to be asleep. For a moment, I thought that he would come inside, but he didn't... I think I know why he stares now--and why he asks all those weird questions... But, I hope my suspicions are wrong.
Sunday, November 20--
Raaaaaaain... Today is such a rainy, rainy day. The sky is grey. The clouds are monochromatic chrome. And, can you guess the color of my mood? --blue, lol. Kidding :p It's certainly not blue... I'm liking this rain today for some odd reason. It feels like... home.
Tuesday, November 22--
Today, school let out early for Thanksgiving. So cool... Now I don't have to see those scum-sucking degenerates I call "classmates" for about another week. But, I do have to play "house" in a few days... My aunt is inviting one of her friends over for Thanksgiving. And this friend of hers has children.
Okay, world. Bring it on. I'm ready for the stares and the laughter and the awkward silence at the end of the conversation--because surely Aunt Kathy has told her friend about the twisted, metal, train wreck that is "my life." And just as she told her friend about the disaster that is my mother--her sister--I'm sure that her friend has relayed the "delicacies of my condition" to her children. So at dinner, I expect that everyone will be pretty much walking on eggshells. Yay, me...
Saturday, November 26--
Okay, I admit it... Thanksgiving was nice. At first, I was a bit skeptical. But, after dinner began, the grey areas soon disappeared. And you won't believe it, but I'm writing with a smile on my face because:
1) The food was awesome. 2) Aunt Kathy hadn't told her friend a thing. And 3) if she had told, it definitely didn't show at the dinner table.
Aunt Kathy's friend's name is Jennifer and she's waaay differen't from my aunt... She's much more approachable, and she has three children--two boys and one girl--incidentally, I wonder how it'd feel to have a brother or a sister...--
Anyway, her eldest son is around my age. Why is this important? Because... I think he's really something, lol. If I tell you what I really think about him, I'd have to stomp, shred, and burn you--and not necessarily in that order, lol.
His name is Adrian. And, I think he has taken an interest in me... Starting a conversation with him was awkward at first, but I dunno... It became easy all of a sudden. He was friendly to me--and not very many people even notice me--aside from the conspicuous stares and mean-spirited giggling at my expense. Come to think about it, I don't think anyone even likes me... But he does... And, I felt some kind of way when talking to him. Something jittery was welling up inside of me. And whenever he said anyhing to me, all that I could do was smile... Well, whataya know...? I can actually smile...