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thoughts that keep me awake at night
a girl i havent seen or talked to in 2 years

Submitted:Apr 17, 2008    Reads: 122    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   

What am I waiting for? Will she write back? I'm like a prisoner every time I log in. I'm filled with a nervousness excitement that makes my stomach hurt. Why do I do this to myself? It didn't work out 2 years ago why would it work now? Have things changed? Does she even like me as more than a friend now? Did she ever? I thought she did, but as I think about it I am filled with doubt. This is not a good start to the day. I just have to push it to the back of my mind and worry about this when I get back home from school.

I get home and it's the first thing I do. Nowadays it's the first and last thing I do each day. Our communication was going well for weeks and now the well has dried up…no response for 6 days. As I sit at my desk and stare at my empty inbox, I ponder if I would move back just for the chance to be with her. Do I still love her that much? Even after all the stuff she put me through, the ups and the downs and never knowing the truth. The pang of regret hits me like an anvil to the chest, the one regret of my life, not taking her to prom. It seems silly but she was there for the taking, newly single, always asking me who I was taking, the hints were there why didn't I take them? Maybe I was bitter for the way she led me on for 6 months. Why did I choose to take a girl I had known one week instead? Everything might be different had I taken her to prom. Maybe afterwards she would have given me the time of day and we could finally try to date. Maybe nothing would have happened after prom, but I could look back at that night, and remember the night I spent with the girl I love. And then I realize, I do still love her that much, and it saddens me, because deep down I know, me and her were never met to be…


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