Diagnosis
Is it really possible to self diagnose? Wait, let me re-phrase. Is it really possible to accurately self diagnose? I'm not talking about diagnosing yourself with the flu or the chicken pocks. I'm talking about diagnosing yourself with, how do I put this, 'mental problems'. Is it possible to self diagnose depression? How about a personality disorder? If so, can it become an accurate diagnosis? Or is it just paranoia or something? I really have no fucking clue.
I can't diagnose myself with anything at this point in time. I'm pretty much just emotionally fucked up. I can't talk about my 'feelings' with a human being with out breaking down. I can't think deeply about my 'feelings' without breaking down. I can't feel intense 'feelings' without breaking down. So pretty much for me feelings+deep thinking+talking=breakdown. Best fucking equation right? Joyfulness for all!
Emma says talking to someone will help with emotional shit. She said her counsellor told her that built up emotions are like a bomb waiting to go off. The breakdowns are the explosions. Well aren't I just the perfect ticking time bomb? Emma asks if I would rather talk to someone and have little breakdowns or just stay quiet and have major breakdowns as well as the little ones. I can't control this! Either way I'm going to have big ass fucking breakdowns. I can't talk to anyone because I am so fucking weak. I start and eventually just break down. Most of the time I just get frustrated because the words don't come out righ (or they just don't come out at all). I can't explain what I'm feeling without sounding like a crazy person. It makes no sense what goes on inside my head. I make no sense full stop. It just gets to a point where I get so frustrated that I just give up. There's no point in trying if I'm not going to get anywhere.
IT'S SO EXHAUSTING
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