What About Her?

      1977; thirteen years old and starting the 8th grade. What do you think was on my mind? Yep, all I could think of was finding “serpent”. I did finally find him and we talked. I was so insistent showing him how much I liked him that he finally broke down and agreed to be my boyfriend. I got so attached to him. He soon found out though, what life was like for me. He found out that I couldn’t go out very often, and that he couldn’t come over very often either. I wasn’t aware though, at that time, that he was a “serpent” but by the time I found out, I was stuck on him more than ever and for some reason I just could not separate myself from him. 

Once in a while I was allowed to go outside and hangout with him and a few of his friends. And when I did, every single time I did, he would treat me so bad in front of his friends. He would belittle me, saying things in front of them like "eh, she'll never amount to much.” “Do this for me and that for me, and this and that”. He would tell his friends that he didn't have to do anything because “that's what he had me for”. And I actually allowed him to do this to me! I actually stayed there saying nothing while he talked to his friends like that about me, AND I actually did the things he told me to do for him. I still, to this day, ask myself why. I still to this day cannot comprehend why I allowed this to go on.

      The abuse was piling up; physical and verbal abuse from both mom and “the dad across the street”, and now verbal abuse from my new “boyfriend”. I was feeling so lonely. So hurt. So destroyed. I had it in my head that I could not go crying back to Jesus because in my heart I felt like I was so worthless. So unworthy. Such a waste of flesh. That was one of “serpents” favorite names for me. And that’s exactly how I felt. And on top of all of this I still, continually, had to do all of those gross, disgusting things for mom that no person that age should ever be made to see or do. Mom was very heavy, maybe over 300 pounds. Yea…not something anyone that age should ever have to see or do.