What About Her?

During the years of 1987 to 1990 “serpent” got out of the army. Again, I chased him. Again, I CHASED him!! What was I thinking?? Did I really want the abuse?? Did I really want to live a life with “the serpent”??? To this day I still do not understand my actions.

It didn’t take long for him to agree to marry me though. Only three months. The friends we had at the time were goading him into it. I was pressuring him into it. He didn’t want to marry me. It’s my own fault the hell I lived through while being married to him. We spent 15 long years married, and a lot of years before that together. Abuse…the whole time. He had just come back from being in the Army in Germany for 3 years and he had changed into an evil monster much worse than he was before he left. And I wouldn’t open my eyes enough to see it.

Surprise of all surprises, “dad” had come back and I had no idea. He heard through the family grapevine that I was getting married. So he showed up at my wedding unexpectedly after all those years. I didn’t know how to react. I was in shock. So I didn’t. I just didn’t react. I said hello to him, but I didn’t react at all. It was my wedding day and I was trying to enjoy it.

In the beginning “serpent” was physically abusive a few times. He tried to choke me once. Thank God that my friend was there with me because she jumped onto his back and put her arm around his neck and twirled him around off of me so hard that he went rolling onto the floor! Another time he pushed the kitchen table towards me so hard he pinned me between that and the wall.

He was an alcoholic ever since he was 13. And by this time he was worse. He was evil and demonic. Downright cruel and cold hearted. He spent many years calling me the worst names that I ever heard, and saying the meanest, cruelest things I've ever heard. His favorite names for me was waste of flesh, slut, whore, lazy, fat, ugly, oh and the list goes on.

Why did I stay with him for that long?? Fear. I believe it was fear. Not having anywhere to go and no way to take care of myself. I know that I was waiting and hoping and praying that he would change. He hated though, and I realized that as long as he was with me, there was no chance of change for him.

He always yelled at me for everything. He would never let me go out or do anything. He would always call me names and tell me I am an ugly, fat whore and no one would ever love me. He would always say to me, "Where's Your God Now???"  He would always get drunk and come home in a rage, punching holes in the walls, breaking chairs, and even flipping the couch and chairs directly over, right upside down. He continually told me that I was an ugly whore and a waste of flesh and that I was totally useless. Oh God why did I stay with him??  More pain. More shredding of my heart. More millions of pieces for it to be torn to. When would it end???

One night he came home so drunk and angry the he flipped his pool table right over, upside down, in one full swoop, one handed. He screamed at me, “WHERE’S YOUR GOD NOW”??? I was petrified. I sat in a big corner chair in the dining room and prayed. I prayed for protection, like I’ve never prayed before. I pleaded protection from Jesus and for his blood to cover and surround me. He walked through the room and announced that he had to pee. I kept praying. He went in to the bathroom and came right back out. He was white, he was stone sober, and had a look of fear on his face. He came around the corner into the dining room and said, “I just saw ‘Jesus’ face on the bathroom wall”. HalleluYAH! He protected me! He showed himself to that evil “serpent” and “serpent” backed down. He went straight to bed. No other words were necessary.