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The Demon's That Tempt Me; Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel Chapter 14 Part 2

Novel By: Nina Simone

Take a look into the life of Lourdes. A fun, sexy, party planning chef, just shy of turning thirty, with a complicated side...
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Submitted:Oct 13, 2010    Reads: 227    Comments: 16    Likes: 17   

"Happy New Year!" Dalia said, standing there in a lavender ball gown. It wasn't technically New Year's anymore, but they were still celebrating.
Lourdes, in a baby tee, blazer and jeans, walked into Dalia's home, immediately overwhelmed. A quiet New Year's get together, had obviously turned into a full on party. "Wow, you didn't say that there would be so many people here." She said, as Dalia gave her a hug. "And you didn't say we were dressing up."
"Don't pay attention to me. The dressing up came later, after a couple of cocktails, but you look pretty."
Lourdes curtsied for her. She surveyed the crowd. This might not be so bad. She was feeling a little wreakless tonight.
"We weren't expecting so many people." Dalia said, turning and smiling at guest walking by. "But every week, family night is an open invitation to all, and tonight it seems everyone came."
Lourdes smiled, handing her a bottle of Patron Silver. Lolita came bouncing up with nerdy glasses on her face. They were ridiculous, but somehow, even Lita made those look sexy. Just the person Lourdes wanted to see. She had no clue, as to why she'd been feeling so out of control lately. She needed a breather from the boys. Lita was her ticket.
"Hey stranger, long time no see." Lita wrapped her arms around Lourdes neck. She smelled great. "Happy new year! Give me a kiss. How was Christmas?"
"Busy, busy." Lourdes said pulling back from their embrace, as Dalia watched the two of them. "And still on going."
"Oh poor baby," Lita said taking her arm and leading her inside, "I guess the holidays can be a nightmare for the life of a chef. How many did you cook for?"
"Everyone and their mama's." Lourdes said sarcastically. "I'm not cooking for a month. How was New York?" She asked changing the subject. They went and sat down.
"Fairly brutal," Lita said, "but we got through it swimmingly." Lita played with a lock of Lourdes' hair. "You were missed." She said smiling.
Lourdes smiled backed too. She was very intrigued. And dying to know about Pullo. "So what was it like? Meeting Jasper's and Pullo's family?" She asked.
"Strangely fascinating." Lita said. "But you know me. I was always on guard. Work is work."
"How do you do that?" Lourdes asked. "I mean, be mechanical like that, when you're so close with Pullo?"
"It's no different than any other day silly." Lita smiled, waving at some girls across the room. "Except I get double time for holidays."
"Oh you're evil." Lourdes said shaking her head.
"So what about you?" Lita asked, pushing the fake, nerdy glasses up on her face. "I imagine, in your little world, after you put in family time, that things must have heated up."
"You don't know the half of it." Lourdes said. "Leading up to the holidays, was pretty intense, but during, was completely easy. Everybody was out of town, it was just that simple."
"Including your boys?" Lita asked.
"Especially the boys." Lourdes said. "And god only knows, what they were doing in Europe without my supervision."
"I'm sure they could say the same thing about you here." Lita replied as Lourdes smirked and nodded her head. She looked up and smiled as Dalia came up with two margarita's and two tequila shots.
"Ready to meet people?" Dalia asked.
"Not yet." Lita spoke up fast. "Give the girl a minute."
"Lolita, you already know Lourdes, don't monopolize her the whole night." Dalia protested.
Lita smiled at Dalia sweetly. "We just want to play catch up first."
Dalia nodded her head. "Well drink up." She said to Lourdes. "Because you're in the hot seat tonight."
Lourdes smiled. "Great." She mumbled. Dalia turned and walked over to a group of girls.
"What's up with you?" Lita studied Lourdes. "Somethings off."
Lourdes shook her head. "I'm good." She said. Drinking her shot and taking a sip of the margarita to chase it.
"No there's something," Lita paused, "I can tell."
Lourdes shook her head in protest.
"You wanna go somewhere more quiet?" Lita asked.
"Is that even possible?" Lourdes said looking around the place, though she was immediately interested.
"Yeah, we can find a quiet spot." Lita offered. "Let's go somewhere and talk." She took Lourdes by the hand and led her through Dalia's place. They found a quiet corner.
"I met Pullo's daughters." Lita offered. "Even an ex or two."
"No shit?" Lourdes asked. "How was it?"
"Strange!" Lita confessed giggling. "I thought of you many times. It was mildly entertaining."
"I'm glad you were amused." Lourdes spoke quickly. "Did you interact with any of them?"
"All of them." Lita smiled.
"So what are you holding out for?" Lourdes asked. "Tell me all about it."
"You first." Lita said.
"What?" Lourdes asked, shaking her head confused. "There's nothing to tell."
"Mm." Lita studied her again, she would have to go back to whatever it was that Lourdes wasn't confessing. She leaned in close and spoke softly. "I have a present for you."
"You do?" Lourdes smiled sweetly. She was looking to start the year off with a bang.
"I do." Lita leaned in even closer. "And you can collect anytime you want."
Lourdes paused. "Is this an actual gift that I can see and touch?"
"In a way." Lita smiled, playing with her hair again.
"Smell and taste?"
"You're on the right track."
"Are you going to give it to me?" Lourdes raised an eyebrow smirking.
"I very much hope so." Lita laughed.
"Why do I feel like I'm being set up here?" Lourdes giggled.
"Not at all." Lita said. "In fact, I'm willing to explain in more detail exactly what it is that's yours."
"And all I have to do is what?" Lourdes asked.
Lita smiled devilishly. "I'll tell you what-"
"Hey you two." Dalia came walking up.
Lita uncurled her fingers from Lourdes' hair and frowned at Dalia.
"This isn't the time to be anti-social." Dalia took Lourdes hand. "Come meet our friends Nicki and Billie."
Lourdes let herself be led away by Dalia, and Lita didn't follow. Instead, she watched from across the room as Dalia introduced Lourdes to countless people, who's names she would never remember.
Lourdes smiled and was polite to everyone she met. She tried to answer their invasive questions and put on a good front, so as not to offend anybody. Lita never came over. She kept her distance and mingled with everybody else. She looked pretty sexy in her simple, black, terry dress, that hugged her body like a glove. It bothered Lourdes that she didn't come and mingle with her. She wasn't in the mood for playing games tonight.
When Lourdes was done making the rounds, she took a breather outside.
"Those things are bad for you." Lita said walking up.
"No shit." Lourdes mumbled, taking one last drag off her cigi and putting it out.
"Having a good time?" Lita asked.
"I'm having a blast."
"Yes, I can tell, that's why you're out here smoking."
"So tell me about Pullo's daughters?"
"No." Lita said softly.
"No?" Lourdes asked.
"You don't really want to hear about all that tonight." She said.
"I don't?"
"Tonight is about you. And Pullo is still out of town for a couple of days, so there's plenty of time to play catch up."
"Tonight's not about me, we're all just celebrating the new year together."
"Yeah, speaking of that," Lita said, "any new year's resolutions?"
"Sure." Lourdes said looking up at the nighttime sky. "You really wanna know, or are you just making conversation?"
"I really want to know."
"Well," Lourdes paused, "I vow to start living, instead of just existing."
"Weren't you already?" Lita asked.
"No." Lourdes said shaking her head. "Not even close. This resolution may have been in the works for a couple of months now, but I wasn't really living, until I started doing all of these horrible things." There was silence between the two of them for a moment. Lourdes couldn't believe she actually said that out loud.
"Wow." Lita said.
"What?" Lourdes asked.
"Nothing. It's just, that was very honest."
Lourdes nodded her head.
"You know, this is the first time that I've actually heard you express guilt over the life you've been living."
Lourdes shrugged her shoulders. "I'm only human."
"So what will you do about your entanglements?" Lita asked.
Lourdes shrugged her shoulders again. "Nothing." She said quietly. She smiled bitterly. "Obviously I don't feel guilty enough to stop."
Lita frowned up at her. "Huh." She said looking around.
"What about you?" Lourdes asked. "Any new year's resolutions?"
Lita nodded her head, running her fingers through her hair. "Yes," she said, "I vow to tell the people who's most important to me, what's really on my mind. Instead of just saying what I think they want to hear."
"I think we're all programmed to do that." Lourdes said. "In one way or another."
"Mm-hm." Lita nodded her head.
Lourdes studied her. A realization came over her. "Are you going to start telling people what you really do for a living?"
"No of course not!" Lita said. "What gave you that idea?"
Lourdes shook her head. "Then I get the feeling that you have something you want to say to me?" She asked. "Instead of just telling me what I want to hear?"
"I do." Lita said avoiding eye contact. "I wonder how it is that you can do the things you do without it making you fall to pieces?"
"You mean the betrayal?" Lourdes asked.
"Yes." Lita nodded her head.
"I could ask you the same thing." Lourdes said.
"Don't get defensive." Lita said. "I'm not judging you. I legitimately, am interested in your answer to that question."
"Okay." Lourdes said. She thought about it for a moment, then answered. "You see, what's so awful about all these horrible things that I've been doing, is the catch-22. I could blame my actions, on my freak out about turning thirty soon. And I could say I'm acting, out of fear, but the truth is, every temptation that I've given into, no matter how despicable, at this point, it's also been the most fantastic thing that I ever done." Lourdes felt that it might be a good idea to stop talking. She let Lita chew on her words.
"Do you feel bad about what you're doing?" Lita asked.
"Sure Lita, all the time."
Lita smiled. "See, that right there. How easily you say that. Your ambivalence. The thing is, I don't think you do." She said.
"So you were serious, when you said you were going to speak about whatever is on your mind?" Lourdes asked smartly.
"You're what's on my mind lately." Lita said right back. "Mostly. All the time."
Lourdes gave a half smile. She wasn't sure where this was leading to.
"And when I read about these things that you have been doing...if it was me," Lita continued, "I'd be having the time of my life."
Lourdes said nothing.
"The gay husband, The British writer, the Swedish actor, the all American G.I. Joe? All of them are compatible to you in some way. They're all are fucking crazy about you. And each one satisfies a special need in you."
"All colors of the rainbow." Lourdes cracked.
"Yeah!" Lita laughed. "But really, come on," she said, "admit it. You love it. All the attention, everybody talking about you. You're so mysterious. They all want to figure you out. How can you not like it? It's like being famous."
Lourdes scoffed in the other direction. What did she want her to say? "Alright, I admit it," she said, "it doesn't suck."
Lita laughed. "You're unbelievable."
"So I've been told." Lourdes said looking around. "You're not going to spend the night riding me about this, are you?" She asked. "Because I thought we were just chillin' tonight.
"No no." Lita said. "I have a point that I'm trying to get to." She smiled nervously. "Just bear with me." Lourdes was surprised. Not much made Lita nervous. "Back to my new year's resolution." She went on.
"Speaking your mind." Lourdes offered.
"Yes." Lita smiled, red lips catching the light. "In my line of work, you immediately, try to discover what the client needs and you tell them what they want to hear and you try and be the person that they want you to be, so that you can satisfy them completely."
"Okay." Lourdes said cautiously.
"And sometimes I find myself spending so much time acting that way with everybody, inside and outside of work, that I sometimes get the lines blurred between fact and fiction."
"Tell me about it." Lourdes smirked.
"But I don't want to do that with you." Lita said seriously.
Lourdes paused. They might be on the same page tonight. But she should proceed carefully. "So don't." She said.
"I won't." Lita said. "I haven't. And I want it to stay that way."
"Great." Lourdes said. "So talk to me."
Lita smiled again nervously.
"Whoa, Miss Lolita!" Lourdes exclaimed. "Is it really that bad? Because you're making a girl sweat here."
Lita laughed. "I'm a little sweaty myself!" She shook her hands out and took a deep breath. "Okay," she said, "here goes."
Lourdes stood back, waiting for whatever she had to throw at her.
"I think you have a lot on your plate." Lita said taking off the glasses. "But still, this question prompts me more and more lately, and...I wonder if you're willing to add one more egg to your basket?"
Lourdes was silent. But she was starting to get butterflies.
"I know it's crazy," Lita said, "but do you think you could handle that?"
"At the risk of sounding like a ditz," Lourdes paused, "I'm just curious if you're asking me what I think you're asking."
Lita exhaled slowly. "You and I have been playing this sordid game for months now. The flirtations, the intrigues. But it's not going anywhere."
"And...you're saying that you want it to?" Lourdes asked.
"Yes!" Lita said. "No! I mean, I don't know." Her long black hair was swinging all over the place.
"Well you're speaking your mind," Lourdes said, "I guess you never promised it would be articulate."
"Oh shut up!" Lita begged. "Don't make a joke now."
"Listen," Lourdes said, "we both have a lot on our plates, we're both playing dangerous games-"
"Kindred spirits." Lita smiled.
"I was gonna say, it's probably best we don't pile on the shit." Lourdes said.
"Is that what you want?"
"Lita!" Lourdes exclaimed. "I have no idea what's going on. What exactly are we talking about here?"
"This gift that I have for you." Lita said.
"It's me." She smiled. "I'm the present. If you want it."
Lourdes raised her eyebrows and stood there with her mouth slightly open. "Lita," she started, "you don't want me. I mean, deep down, not really." She didn't know why she was saying this.
Lita smiled in disbelief and turned slightly away from her. "Do you play this game with your guys? I mean really?"
"Really bad road to go down." Lourdes said with a raised eyebrow.
"Something is up with you! I know it, you know it, I could tell as soon as you walked in the door. Why are you so afraid to let me see this other side of you? Do you think I can't handle it?"
Lourdes looked in the other direction and laughed.
"So what you're really saying, is that you don't want me?" Lita said.
"I just think that we've become close in so fast a time, because I'm the first girl that you confessed this major thing to and-"
"Oh, no no no no no!" Lita said holding up her hand. "Just please spare me! If you don't want to be with me fine, but don't think that you're going to analyze this situation, because you don't know what you're talking about. Not everything is so black and white."
"Do you even know what it is that you want?" Lourdes asked. "Because I'm not so sure that you do."
Lita turned back towards her. "In this short time that you've known me, have I once struck you as being unsure of myself?"
Lourdes was silent. She couldn't think of one occasion.
"I know what I want." Lita said. "So instead of you telling me how I feel, why don't you tell me how you feel."
"I feel like we would be making the worst possible decision that we could ever make." Lourdes said plainly. "Just look at my life. I'm a mess. Why would you ever want to get caught up in my shit storm?"
"You're not a mess." Lita said. "You're free, you're fabulous. And I think you know exactly what you're doing."
Lourdes looked away. Lita had more insight to her, then she gave her credit for.
"And you don't have to make up reasons to explain away your behavior. I would never judge you like that. How could I?"
"So you're saying you want to be with me, knowing full well that I come with baggage and then some?" Lourdes asked.
"Who doesn't?" Lita said.
"Well mines, definitely out weigh more than others."
"I can handle a little heat." Lita said.
"It's more like a boiler room." Lourdes smirked. She was starting to get that reckless feeling again.
Lita laughed, taking a step towards her. "Nothing has to change." She said.
"Hmph! Famous last words." Lourdes said rolling her eyes.
"I don't expect you to compromise anybody because of me. I just want to get to know you, better." Lita tapped two fingers against Lourdes' flesh, right below her neckline.
"You do know me Lita." Lourdes whispered. "As much as anybody else does."
"That doesn't give me any comfort." She said wrapping her arms around Lourdes' waist.
"And if you wanna know the truth, you're less likely going to get into my head through the bedroom. It'll damage our friendship."
"I'm willing to take that risk." Lita spoke confidently.
"Well I don't know if I am." Lourdes said, wrapping her arms around Lita too. "I like you. Friendships are more important to me than random sex."
"It wouldn't be random!" Lita said pressing her body up against Lourdes. "At Least not for me. I'm standing here telling you that I'm willing to take a chance. Are you?"
"Take a chance on what?" Lourdes asked brushing back Lita's hair. "You wanna be girlfriends?"
"We don't have to define it right now." Lita said. "Why don't we see just see what happens?"
Lourdes shook her head.
"Don't shake your head at me Lourdes." Lita said. "Why are you making me work so hard at this?" She brought her face close to hers."I thought this is what you wanted."
"What would ever give you that idea?" Lourdes asked innocently. But she knew she was at fault. And Lita had her number.
"What?" Lita asked. "What's the problem? Is it me?"
Lourdes said nothing.
"Shit!" Lita said pulling away from her. "That's it, you're not attracted to me?"
"I know I didn't misread the signals, there's something here between us."
"Lita stop!" Lourdes said. "It's not about any of that. You're going down the wrong path."
"Then stop letting me stand here, making a fool of myself!" Lita pleaded.
"Fine!" Lourdes said. "What exactly is it that you want me to say?"
"Nothing." Lita said. "Don't say anything. This is not how I saw this going. I didn't think you would panic like this."
"I'm sorry." Lourdes said looking down.
"Don't be sorry." Lita said. "I just wanted you to know how I feel."
"I'm still not quite sure what that is." Lourdes said quietly.
Lita put her hands on her hip and turned away from Lourdes, tossing her long black hair about. She sighed loudly, then began talking again. "Day in and day out, I'm surrounded by a large sum of people who make me want to hurl myself off of a building. They've all settled for easy street, they've all turned into their parents and none of us can even remember why we became friends in the first place. It's fucking depressing. But you," she said, "you haven't. I've watched you from the very moment that you came into my life, and no matter how hard things get for you, you've never once settled for the path of least resistance. I love that about you. I take stock in that. You do it so gracefully. You still see the world the way you want it to be. You haven't given up. And it works for you. And so many people love you because of it. And I desperately want to be apart of that."
"You are part of it." Lourdes said. "Everyday, you're always in my thoughts."
"That's not good enough," Lita said, "I don't want to be in your thoughts, I want to be between your legs."
"Jesus Lita!"
"And I want to be in your heart." She added softly.
"Lita." Lourdes said taking her hand. "You are."
Lita bit down on her lower lip, hesitant. She didn't believe her. "You are." Lourdes said again reassuring her, still recovering from her previous comment. "But what are we talking about here? Me being a role model or something else to you...because I can't be both, not with what you say you want." Lita pulled her hand away and went into the house.
Lourdes barely had time to breathe, when Dalia came rushing out. "Have you been out here this whole time?"
Lourdes smiled.
"Will you get your ass in here girlie." Dalia said waving her into the house. "Let's get you drunk."
"You read my mind." Lourdes said, motioning for Dalia to lead the way.

After a few drinks. Lourdes found herself back outside, sitting down. Lita had avoided her for the last hour, and she was about ready to give up and go home.


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