I think of you
I can hardly think of your name without getting choked up. I think of you a lot and cry at the weirdest times. The other day, we were watching a movie and it wasn't even mushy or corny and my eyes started in. I read The Pard Letter again tonight, edited a little again, added things I'd forgotten, remembered how it felt again. And cried even more.
The computer crashed and with it, went the pictures I took afterward. Morbid and weird, but I really want them back. I guess we'll see if they ever get the damn thing fixed and back to me, I hope I can find them all. I remember holding you and kissing your sweet little face and I still expect to see you lying on the living room floor. I don't miss cleaning up all the pee though andI can't wait for Spring to arrive so I can get all the mushy poop cleaned up and plant lots of Pard flowers and get things looking great out back. I want to smooth out the earth that will have settled and make it nice and green again for you. Star pooped on the deck the other day though, but I did manage to goa full two weeks before Gus peed all over the living room floor. Thomas and Mr. J. had gone out on a bitterly cold night. Mr. J came in at 1.30 am, but not Thomas. No, he stayed out all damn night and woke me up howling on the front porch on the one morning I could've slept in, so I had to let him the front. Gus thought he was going out, I went back to bed, and he peed everywhere. Went through almost a whole roll of paper towels too. Stripes is missing you like crazy. She comes in every night and freaks out wanting loves. She manages to claw the heck out of us, but we'll never be able to love her like you did.Star still hasn't found a home, but I am hoping he will at the benefit barrel race on the 12th. That will be huge. I hope.
On a lighter note, Macady got a retainer the other day and has had more ibuprofen in the last two days than she has in 6 months. Poor thing. But it's for the best and she's well on her way to a perfect smile. At least that's what the orthodontist and $1000 says. Anyway, it's about -30 with the wind chill tonight, so I am closing up shop and going to sleep. Your collar is still on the night stand and you are still foremost in my thoughts. I love you, P.