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The Boys, The Men, and The One

Novel By: Think Pink

These memoirs are simply for fun and because I feel that by sharing my story, people may be able to learn from some of my mistakes. Or at least laugh at them. All of the events in these chapters actually happened to me. I’m not making any of this up :) But I have changed the names of all the guys you will read about. Some of this will be funny, some might make you hate me, other parts might make you cry. If you have questions about anything, please don’t hesitate to ask! I’m putting a lot of myself out there so I won’t be shy about answering anything. I hope you enjoy reading about my life and the guys who have come and gone and the one who ended up sticking around. View table of contents...


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Submitted:Aug 31, 2010    Reads: 588    Comments: 31    Likes: 4   

The One Who Never Should Have Been

Mom, this is another one I really don't want you to read, but I know you will anyway. Please don't judge me. Love you! (Smiling sweet and innocently.)

I spent the summer after graduation at home in Portland. My best friend from college and I were moving to Atlanta, Georgia in August and I couldn't wait. I don't know what inspired me to move all the way across the country, but it was probably just a lack of options. I had no job lined up, all my friends were either still in school or working some place much more exciting than Portland, and I had no boyfriend to keep me at home. Apparently the knowledge of my impending life-changing-move inspired me to do something stupid, something which I now regret. I dated my ex boyfriend's best friend.

Chris had gone to high school with us but was a year older than me. The first time I dated Sam, remember that one week back in my junior year of high school, he had started flirting with me. It hadn't really stopped and I thought, at the time, that it was just his way of communicating. Why would one of my boyfriend's closest friends hit on me? Isn't there some kind of code that prevents this from happening?

Well, the second time I dated Sam, Chris was all over me. We bonded over our hatred of Hero, he would call me to hang out when Sam wasn't around, tackle me onto the couch when Sam was in the other room so he would return to find us in a semi-compromising position. He hinted at a threesome on more than one occasion. Sam laughed and I tried not to be offended. Now, back in high school, Chris hadn't been that good looking. From what I can recall, he was pretty awkward and always had some horrible pickup line he would use. I remember one day at a football game, some of my girlfriends and I decided we would wear sports bras and paint our stomachs to show our school spirit. The boys got jealous and wanted in on the action.

"What are you going to paint on me?" He had asked.

"You're going to be the C," I told him. Go Cardinals!

"I'd rather have you paint your phone number on me," he said with this cheesy grin.

"I don't' think so."

And that set the standard for our entire friendship. Obviously Sam and Chris had a more established relationship. They had been friends since childhood and had grown up together, probably sharing a lot of memories. I know for a fact that Sam wasn't interested in sharing a girl.

Nevertheless, the summer before I left for Atlanta, I agreed to go on a date with Chris. We had been talking randomly on the phone (I'm not sure if Sam was aware of this) and I had seen him over spring break, so when I arrived back in Portland, Chris came over and announced he would be taking me out. He had grown up a lot since high school. He was no longer the tall, lanky goofball I remembered from my teen days. Rather, he was now tall, incredibly muscular, and an admitted womanizer. He knew he was good looking and used it to his advantage.

So the night of our date came around and I wasn't feeling all that nervous. I thought I knew what to expect...but I was wrong. Chris came to pick me up and I remembered the last time he was over and had stuck up a conversation with my father. They had both served in the military so I assumed my dad would love him. Nope. He could see right through Chris's act and knew that this kid only wanted to get into his daughter's pants. I had never had 'the talk' with my father, but I swear, the look he had given me that night was warning enough. Luckily, my parents were out of town so I didn't have my Dad's disapproving glare to deal with. I grabbed my purse, following Chris to his car. He held the door for me and I smiled, this was a pretty good start. What happened next should have been the only red flag I needed for the night. Chris walked around to the driver's side and waited for a minute before getting in. I had been busy putting on my seatbelt and finding a clean spot on the floor for my purse. But I heard the lock pop open and Chris slid in, giving me a look which caught me off guard.

"You know, I saw this movie once where a guy broke up with a girl because she didn't lean over the seat to unlock his door for him."

"Pardon me?"

"He said that he could tell what kind of girl she was because she didn't think to unlock his door."

I blinked and then looked down at the locks. They were indeed manual, meaning Chris had to physically insert the key into his door to open it. What a hardship.

I was really hoping that he was joking at this point. I mean, our date had just started. "And maybe I can tell a lot about a guy who doesn't have a car with automatic locks and windows," I countered, smiling so he would know I was teasing.

Chris smiled back, thank God, and then started his engine. We had been driving for less than a minute when he asked if I was cold.

"I'm a little chilly," I confirmed and I watched as he cranked the heat way up - literally as high as it would go.

Three minutes later and we were both sweating so he turned on the AC full blast.

Three minutes after that and my lips had turned blue so he flipped back to the heat and we were soon in a sauna again.

Now, normally I would have said something, perhaps offered to find a comfortable temperature, but this was too fascinating to watch and it went on until we had reached the restaurant. Chris parked the car and then looked at me.

"Do you mind if I bring my gun to dinner?"

"Your gun? You own a gun?"

He looked at me like I should have known better. "Of course I do."

"What do you need a gun for?"


"Against who? This is Portland, not Oakland."

"I just always carry it, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed. What did I care if he carried a gun?

He then reached across me and opened the glove compartment and pulled out the biggest semi-automatic gun I had ever seen. It was silver and shiny and he tucked it into his pants under his shirt. Great. I was now on a date with a guy whose gun was more advanced than his locks and windows. This isn't fucking Texas, people!

Anyway, I got out of the car and Chris held my hand as we walked into the restaurant, the entire time I was thinking about what would happen if the gun misfired and shot my date in the ass. We were seated at a small table and before the hostess could walk away, Chris was already ordering drinks from her. She gave us a strange look, a very 'this isn't my job' type of expression, and informed us our server would be right over with our beverages. Our server did arrive shortly after and started to tell us the specials but was rudely interrupted by my date.

"I'll have the tenderloin, rare, and...Lydia, what do you want?"

"I'd like to hear the specials, please," I smiled at the server who gave me a grateful grin in return. He continued with his spiel and even though none of the specials sounded particularly tasty, I felt the need to order one. I opted for the salmon and Chris asked for an appetizer at the last minute.

Our conversation at dinner was flirty and informative. I learned what Chris did for a living - something that no one had really been able to explain to me - and he asked about Atlanta and my last months down at Santa Clara. Our appetizer arrived and was finished in about three bites, the plate was pushed to the edge of the table. As soon as our entrees were dropped, Chris asked for the check and the server was glad to oblige.

"Are you in a hurry or something?" I asked, unable to hide my frustration any longer.

"No," he answered, not offended but offering no explanation.

I shrugged my shoulders and tried to take as long as I possibly could to eat my meal.

After dinner Chris took me back to my house. We put in a movie and started snuggling on the couch. Snuggling turned into kissing, kissing turned into heavy petting, and before I was ready my dress was on the floor and his shirt was being pulled over his head. Not only was this moving way too quickly for me, but I was also starting to feel incredibly guilty that we were doing this behind Sam's back. I know that we had been broken up for over two years but if one of my best friends had started dating him, I wouldn't have been too happy, so I could only imagine how he would feel if he knew Chris and I were making out at the moment.

"Chris, maybe we should slow down," I said, pushing at his chest so he would sit up. But he didn't sit up, he just smiled down at me. That's when I froze. I didn't think Chris was going to force me to do anything I didn't want to do, but the look in his eye made me think he knew something I didn't know. What happened next caught me completely off guard. Chris started talking dirty.

"You look sexy as hell in only your bra and panties," he told me and my mouth dropped. It wasn't so much what he said, but how he said it. His voice was suddenly incredibly husky, as if sex was just oozing from his tongue.

"Thank you," I said once I regained the ability to speak.

"We should probably move this from the couch up to your room," he suggested and my head started spinning. Yes. Moving from the couch would be so much more convenient if we wished to accomplish what we had started. But no! I didn't want to sleep with him. Did I? I couldn't tell anymore.

"It's going to feel so amazing," he continued in that voice that was driving me near insane. "Me on top of you, slowly pushing in and out."

What the fuck was happening to me? I should have been laughing at this but was so incredibly turned on I could barely nod my head to agree with him. Had it really been that long since I had slept with a guy? I guess it had been well over a year. I kept silent, because I really didn't know what to say. No one had ever said things like that to me before and the shock value was in no way understated.

Chris interpreted my silence to mean I had changed my mind about slowing down so he literally picked me up and carried me to my room. We fooled around on my bed for a little while before becoming completely naked. That's when I saw it: the biggest penis I had ever seen in my entire life.

"Oh my God!" I cried, mostly out of shock but Chris took it as a compliment.

"I know, right?" His sexy voice was gone and I frowned at him.

"I don't think that's going to fit," I told him honestly.

Chris laughed. "Sure it will."

"I really don't think so," I argued and took another look at it. No. There was no way in hell that thing would ever be inside of me. It was too scary.

I started shaking my head but Chris kissed me and calmed me down. We messed around a little bit more and then he put the condom on. And…I was right. It didn't fit. Not even close. But the problem was we were both so turned on we didn't want to give up without a fight. We tried and tried but to no avail. I was sore, he was exhausted, and neither one of us were satisfied. We fell asleep that night and woke up the next morning, both a little embarrassed by what had happened. I, for one, wanted him to leave as soon as possible. He, on the other hand, felt the need to make up for our inability to have sex by trying again. I politely asked him to leave.

Chris and I didn't see each other much after that night. It was, I suppose, a little strange for both of us. It probably would have been worse if we had actually slept together. The last time I spoke with him, he randomly brought up our date, not in the context of how frustrating it had been, but in the context of Sam never having found out. I hadn't spoken to Sam in over a year but assumed he and Chris were still good friends - not that Chris and I ever discussed that matter. He promised me that he had never and would never tell Sam about what happened that night and I believed him.

I'm not upset that things didn't work out with Chris. The date, the attempted sex, none of it should have happened in the first place. If Chris felt the need to keep the knowledge of our date from Sam, that probably meant that Sam would have been upset by it. And if someone was willing to deceive a friend just to get some girl into bed, then they definitely weren't worth my time.


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