The lights were too bright and blurry, the wind was loud and cold against my skin, the rabble in the background was booming and somewhere around me all I could here was a voice, a voice ringing through everything else. "Where's Dave, where is he" I felt a hand touch my back and I startled back to reality.
That opening paragraph could mean anything in different contexts, I just showed it to a friend and they assumed I was writing some form of disaster novel, I can see what they mean. That opening paragraph could be fresh out of a novel through the eyes of John McClane, Die Hard from a first person point of view. In reality, that opening paragraph is about a minute of what I experienced in my drug addled state at a recent festival. Cocktails of LSD and MDMA combined with Rum and Whisky and Lager and Cider, a field in the middle of nowhere and a friend who disappeared on Acid, we later discovered he was just away trying to get laid. Fair play to him, his first proper festival experience and he takes acid and tries to stick his dick in something. You can't help but feel proud of him for that. My first festival experience was awful, I stayed sober, didn't see any bands, and looked after a drunk friend who lay half in and half out of her tent, it's so awful that I asked myself whether I would even mention it here, I wasn't going to at all but it felt like it fitted perfectly in this little section here.
I don't know when I first decided I wanted to live life
differently and I can't remember when I had my first experience
of drugs, although I have a vague memory of being passed a joint
when I was about 15. We were sitting on a bench and it was a cold
night, it must have been around November, the leaves were blowing
around and my nipples felt like they were about to leave me for
someone else, so by the power of deduction I'm guessing it was
around November. I remember taking the joint and being weary at
first about smoking it, but after being assured it was safe and
it was fun I caved, I slowly moved the soggy roach up to my
mouth, placed it in-between my lips and drew a puff, inhaled,
choked, exhaled and within moments my head was spinning. It was
like nothing I had ever experienced and as time went by I
realised that it wasn't as great as I thought. I started off
smoking solid or soap bar as it's known or even "Council Hash" as
I've heard it called many times. I think it is the vilest thing
that anyone can smoke, if you are going to smoke (not that I
would recommend it to anyone) but at least smoke grass. Soap bar
is pointless in my opinion, or at least it is now. Grass has a
better effect and the bonus is, you're less likely to get
'bombers'. For those of you reading this who don't know what
bombers are, it's basically when the soap bar is red hot and
falls out of the joint. I've burnt many a hole in many a t-shirt
because of that.
I think part of taking drugs is the people, I've smoked a joint or two when I've been on my on my own, but it never feels the same. You need that environment; you need that buzz and the rush of having people around you. In a way it's the same with drinking, there's no fun in drinking when you're on your own, I mean, I know people that can do it but from a personal stand point it's pointless. I think drinking or taking drugs when you're on your own is the first sign of an addiction, the first sign that the "fun" element is gone. I use the term "fun" loosely, because as I'll probably mention over the next couple of hundred pages, there's no fun to it. At the time, when you're getting that hit, you feel like it's the best thing in the world but afterwards it's a different story.
That's the thing with it, and that's what I think a lot of people won't get. What I do, what we do, is not an addiction. We don't take drugs at every festival or every show we're at, we don't meet up at weekends and hit the stuff hard. In actual fact, you would be lucky to catch us taking the hit more than a couple of times a year. It's a release, a well needed release from reality. It takes your mind away from that stress ridden place that it sits in for most of the year and allows it to roam free and enjoy itself. It's so hard to put down in words what I mean, because there's no doubt that some people will read this and think that I'm a drug addict, and I know some people will read it and just not be able to wrap their heads around what I'm saying. I think that there's such a stigma attached with this lifestyle that people can't believe that you have control. Of course when you're as high as the ozone layer, your level of self control drastically drops.
That last festival, that field in a corner of the UK, the feeling of being so high felt extraordinary. However, when you're doped up to the eyeballs and you lose one of your friends in a field, who's as drugged up as you, then your minds state of composure completely fails. Running about in between tents, climbing fences, shouting at strangers, Forcing almost your entire group to go and search for them is not a good idea. Of course when you eventually find them, and they're just off enjoying themselves you start to feel like a complete cunt. That's the thing with this lifestyle, you'll feel like a king for most of the time and then at the end of every experience, you come crashing down to earth and feel like a total dick.
I never even meant to get in to this line of work, I mean I always had an interest in music. My dad was a musician and so I guess that at some point down the line it was inevitable that I would take this path but I didn't want it. I was always the geek who would rather sit in his bedroom and watch The Justice League than go out and interact with anyone, I don't regret taking this path though, not in the slightest.
I don't condone living the life of a "rockstar" but I don't dislike it. I think everyone is entitled to live life how they see fit, Ithink that everyone is allowed to have their 'moments'. For me it was a personal choice and one that I just made over time. I never sat down one day and thought "I want to be in the music industry, and I want to get wasted all the time" no, it just grew organically and now it's at that perfect medium. I can look back on this time of my life and be happy with it. I've made the decisions to get here, and some of them I will regret for the rest of my life but that's true with any path you take. I'm going to live life to the fullest because you never know when it's going to end. I don't see the point in living life, dragging it out day to day, being tied up in an office job, the same routine day after day, year after year. I watched 'Equilibrium' recently and something in my head told me that that is how we'll end up, if everyone conforms to a life of dullness and receptiveness.
Over the next couple of hundred pages I'm going to detail some of the most important decisions I've made on this route and some of the stupidest decisions I've made. There will be tales of madness and stupidity combined with what I think are the key stories for making me the person that I am today. Everything from the fake jobby that my dad used to have to torment my dear mother with, right up to meeting with two idiots in a pub and agreeing to be their band manager. This is my story, and in the words of Malcolm Tucker "Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off"