The beginning of a story.
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Submitted: Sep 3, 2007
Reads: 58
Comments: 4
Likes: 1
Standing so close
I could feel his arm
His skin bare
Tingling next to mine
We talk, we bowl
Talk and bowl
Hours on end
We let go of our secrets
A mutual feeling
One so intense
I didn't believe
It was happening to me
First his hand
Clasped in mine
He opens the door
Holds my back
Then we find
Our own space
He holds me tight
I melt into him
We keep going back
To our secret spot
Once, twice
Our lips touch
He pulls me closer
Reaching, reaching
His tongue explores
The depths of my mouth
Practically a spectator
Watching my own life
I look into his eyes
Wishing that this feeling
Would never end.
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Comments:
Your small story gradually climaxes to the kiss and then falls down gracefully to the resolution of wanting the feeling to never end. Simple and elagent.
Posted: Sep 3, 2007
i love this.
"We talk, we bowl
Talk and bowl
Hours on end
We let go of our secrets"
that stanza is my favorite-- i adore the way the first two lines go. when you talk about letting go of your secrets, i connect it back to the bowling.. you let it go and see the walls it knocks down between you and the things you want. well done, dear.
Posted: Sep 3, 2007
Beautiful Simplicity:
Well written. Just terrific.
Perfectly captures the essence of young teenage love and affection.
Happy trails,
Ed Bradley.
Posted: Sep 4, 2007
I agree with all the above comments and all the below comments, if any more appear (which they should)
matmoo :)
Posted: Sep 4, 2007
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