Veracity

Time in abundance, cohesive with angst and fear -

Oh, Lord, why did I need to know?

Certainly I see that your Holy Name

Should be magnified in my diminutive existence...

But such a thing, to grand for me to grasp.

In thee I have infinite faith, but in myself -

I dread - none at present.

Your Devine will shall surely be,

So everyday, a message to hear and a lesson to learn -

All in preparation.

***

Have I lost you?

For how long will this keep lingering?

Why do you not see?  Why do you not feel?

Or do you perhaps suffer as I?

But why then do you do it then?

Would you do it if you knew?

I thought I would die,

And prayed it to the fore, before I seize to exist!

This emergent yen, weakening the last measly resilience.

I miss you.

I need you.

And tearing from within now - I love you.

How?

When?

Why?

For you seem so far, so much further than before.

Tossed between hope and despair...

***

 How then do or should I read the signs you remind me Lord?

I've prayed and hoped and loved.

Alas I lament, this my present ambience,

My heart wholly severed!

I know that faith is a thing not seen, and

That nothing is impossible for Thee,

Maybe this is the lesson I should learn:

That You love and want to move the world for me.

Lord, I am scared.

Someone said that sorrow is turned into joy before Thee,

And that when one is weak, You are strong.

I pray Thee then, Heavenly Father;

Help me find my way once more, and

Release me from this eminent vie. 

I trust in Thee for all my life, and

Know that somehow, somewhere - this is what You need from me.

All I ask

Is help me Lord, not to die within.