Waiting around but not waiting on life itself. I want to be there for him when he awakes one day. I feel he just sleeps and can't finish his nightmare. When I awake him he won't know the ending, so leave him I must, to see it through until defeat is final and demons are gone - for good. Imprinted inside my head, upon my flesh and burning into the backs of my eyes, is his pattern, him..... So every breath I take, every blink of my eyes, movement of my body and touch of my hands, just reminds me of him, his way, his touch, his smell and just everything about him.
Things and posessions are still here, scattered around, like small mementoes and reminders. Each room has something small to keep him at the front of my mind. He asks to go to the back, but how can he. Surely I would be dizzy if such a large part of my thinking moved to the back, like scales off-weight, I feel I might tip over. I don't want to be tipping because I need strength, for him I need strength, but how long can I see him go on without me.
I worry he might forget me, forget us, the fun which I know was pure and real. He thinks it was all a lie but it couldn't have been, otherwise that makes me nothing, makes me have no impression, surely I made an impression, I just hate that it wasn't enough. Not enough for him to be happy to share, get through with my help. I wanted to help but it was to be me alone again. Broken over someone so alive and real, to me, I will love him in his new form. I know I will, because he fits so right, with me, into me, into my life, on me, with me. He is so right, I must wait, for him I will try xx