Where Are You Daddy? - Memoir Poetry - love, loss, pain

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Where Are You Daddy?

Poem By: raindown
Memoir

Tags: war, love, growingup, daddy, mama, little, girl, pain, sadness, loss, tears, movingon

This was a long time comming, and it is personal. It felt good to get off my chest though. Questions? Go ahead...I'll try... View table of contents...

Submitted: Jul 11, 2008 Reads: 154 Comments: 27 Likes: 17

Where are you daddy?

Your big arms that held me so safe

Sitting in your lap

Your stubbly face…

Where did you go daddy?

Far away

To fight wars that weren’t yours

Making them ours.

Now mamma sleeps a lot daddy

She doesn’t put on her makeup anymore

The house is quiet…

I’m not a little girl anymore daddy

You left her behind a long time ago.

She picked up your gun

Filled in your heavy soldiers boots.

And put on her mamma’s makeup,

Where are you daddy?

I met a boy,

I can feel an essence of you in his arms,

But he doesn’t respect me like you did.

Still he holds me with his big arms,

And tells me I am beautiful in my mamma’s makeup.

You aren’t here to fight for me now,

But you taught me how to fight.

Even big girls need a lap to fall into daddy,

He doesn’t have whiskers yet like you did…

Maybe he’ll grow some someday.

Where are you daddy?

You ran away from this war…

I still hold the post a tough girl,

I don’t cry.

Someone has to be daddy,

Mamma isn’t strong enough.

He wants me to come away with him daddy,

That means leaving mamma…

She finds a new daddy every other month,

So I think its okay for me to go away…

He’s my daddy now,

I love him.

Goodbye daddy…where ever you are.

17

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Comments:

Classy Peach

Oh heavy! My goodness.
So few lines sum up such a huge part of the little girl's life.

You spoke very intimately throughout and seeped into my heart a massive blow. Mommy doesn't put on makeup anymore, yep...depression is a fucker. Amazing how as children that hurt just settles into your bones and makes itself at home, and later in life we stop one day and sum it all up for ourselves.

And yet, it doesn't cultivate hate but longing for that bond between mommy/daddy, daddy/daughter and daughter/boyfriend.

I think I read this about 5 or 6 times and just felt like sobbing. For the mom, for the child, for the dad...emotions took over.

I love it. So true to life and it certainly cuts deep. One of those poems that make you sit back and ponder and the first thing I did was remember a very special moment with my dad from a very long time ago, and cherished the fact that I had that opportunity in life at that moment to bank into my senses.

My fav of yours.

Posted: Jul 12, 2008

Author Comment:

Peach hi, (hugs&smiles)
It does cut deep, and I was hesitant to put it up...(smiles*)but I put this account up to open my heart and share as much of the truth as I could bare...I'm so glad you found this first, ;)
I still haven't cried though,
so don't you start me up!;)

~rain

stephhlebreton
(not registered user)

sorry, I'm not on my account but I figure you recognise my name:P
this poem struck me as soo very sad. Props for comming out with it. it takes courage to do a thing like that. it really touched me, bravo!
Steph(:

Posted: Jul 12, 2008

Author Comment:

Oh hi Steph;)! How are you?
Yes, it pushed my comfort level to share...it was easy to write; considering.

I think it's a part of growing up to be able to admit to your feelings, and to look at them differently than you did before.
As a young girl I tried to be so strong, and I never allowed myself to need anyone, be it a mother or a father. I didn't like to cry. I still don't, but I do let myself need my mother and father.

Whew, this is a hard one to talk about even now! So serious huh?

Read something happy now, your on vacation girlie, ;) (smile*)

Enjoy yourself!

We're all waiting for more 'Angelz', so be ready to write when your back;)

~rain

Pratibha

this one brought tears of joy in my eyes ....never thought u were so emotional...i guess all great poets are....

Posted: Jul 12, 2008

Author Comment:

Iiiii....(hesitating), am very passionate yes. Sharing this type of emotion in such an honest form though, is something I am not entirely used to, or am comfortable with;)

Infact I want to put smileys all over my responses so people wont see the saddness;)! (laughing)

With other emotions I feel free to express openly...or when I am writing a story I can let them (the characters) feel sadness for themselves or for another.

I am trying really hard here to understand myself. If my mother read this I would feel embarrassed for sharing these emotions. But they are real. I don't think about them much...I'm finding peace with them I think;) This one came in a rare moment of reminiscence.

See, told you I'd be embarassed I'm explaining all over my responses!(smiles*) No more.

Thank you Pratibha so much for the beautiful compliment, I don't know if I am great though! You are sweet as usual;)

~rain

matthew smith

hi, i share the thoughts of those above. yes a very moving poem. poetry lends itself beautifully to sadness, this is a sad poem but there's a strength to it as well. Its as though as the poem develops you become stronger and more confident in expressing your emotions. Of course you miss your father, but there’s also anxiety, guilt and/or a conflict about moving on with your life, and/or leaving your mum. Its as though you are asking your father for forgiveness or approval that you want to move on. I hope my comments make sense. Either way it’s a beautiful poem so full of emotion. Sometimes we just need to get things out.
I only have time to read one poem tonight, so im so glad I chose this one.. Thanx!!!

Posted: Jul 14, 2008

Author Comment:

Yes Matthew, very good; on all accounts you were right...very perceptive, amazingly so!

You read right through it/or saw right through it.

I would only add that I have grown up now, there is no more-well very little, sadness left about the issue..anxiety or guild either...
Sometimes I do wonder, would I be different if things had worked out differently? Happier, more confident? Well, none the less-I am stronger;)

Thank you for the compliment;) I'm glad you were not dissapointed with your choice...and your welcome(smiles*)
~rain

Lacey Cummings

This brought a lump to my throat Rain. I can tell you poured alot of yourself into this one. You can feel the mother's depression and loneliness, the little girl's longing and how she grows and evolves. You did a brilliant job of putting your emotions to paper.

Posted: Jul 15, 2008

Author Comment:

Love it Lacey, I almost forgott how much you rock!! I poured alot of myself into this one, ~love the play on words Lacey, you made me smile so big!;) Thanks haha,

There was alot of hurting, then...and, sometimes I didn't realize how hard it was, until he(my father) was around for a while...and then he'd be gone again...and that care free feeling would go away so quickly...and I couldn't be just a child again...and I knew it and sometimes would feel guilty, knowing I knew better; like I didn't deserve to be a child...it's hard to explain, but I did grow up fast. Looking back though, I'm glad I could do that for my mother. As much of a strain it put on me, I love her.

So glad to see your comments back Lacey;),
~rain

dreaming of you

I'M IN TEARS

Posted: Jul 15, 2008

Author Comment:

Oh, stop! Ha-ha, ;)

dreaming of you

my father was a serving soldier too , i have lived in so many places around the world , when my father was stationed in one of the worlds troublespots , we his family had to stay behind , i know how much i missed him . i also have 5 sisters , your poem gave me an insight into how they felt about his absence .
very , very moving.
terry

Posted: Jul 15, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks Terry, how sweet of you to oblige me ;)
It must have been hard on you as well, the boy of the family? Everyone seems to rank up as dad(or mom) leaves.
Thank you again for humoring me;)
~rain

Ken Simm

Honest and forthright as a child's thoughts would be but holding a memory of a child's thoughts in a woman's shoes because there has never been a reason to change them and no one has.
Simply poignant and lovely for that.

Posted: Jul 15, 2008

Author Comment:

Hi Ken, Thank you for that~ I did tell this story/poem from the childs voice, that's how I remember it, that's how it came out. Even though I have an adults reasoning to decipher the truth of it all with now. ;) Again, thank you.
~rain

Ayame

that made me cry. I loved it. Very much .

Posted: Jul 16, 2008

Author Comment:

Oh, don't cry... ;( I think I made everyone on booksie cry but me! Thank you so much Ayame, I'm pleased you loved it;)
smile*

~rain

Nixie

Rain, I've read this a few times now and it always makes me sigh. It's very honest and heartfelt, and in some ways I relate to it. I always think if I was looking for a man I'd go for someone just like my dad, and he wasn't around much while I was growing up, though the love was. It was evident that the girl in the poem grew wiser and stronger, moving on and accepting it. The best poems Rain and those that come from experience, I don't know if this is based on you or not and if not, I'm even more impressed! Really touching Rain, a great poem. ~ Nixie

Posted: Jul 16, 2008

Author Comment:

This was about me, Nix;)
I have accepted it~but it took a long time. It was gradual though and I am strong like I've said~ there were actually many factors besides the one's I pointed to~ those were only the beginning, he was (is) a great father, when he was(is) there...always has been. ;)

I wish he'd been there more often though, and yet again I don't. I don't at all. Because if things had been different then things would be different now, and I like things just the way they are! ;)

Thanks for the thoughts Nix~rain

boneman

Moved me to tears.......

I have a friend fighting in Afganistan who has 2 daughters and this brings home how they must feel when Daddy is on active duty and they dont understand why he has to go.

A wonderful and very moving poem

Peace

Boneman

Posted: Jul 16, 2008

Author Comment:

I'm very glad you liked it boneman;) I am very glad I might have shared something of value to others. I am proud of my father, he did something very brave and honorable. I understand more about him now and I'm sure they will too someday;)

Thanks for taking the time boneman,
~rain

ScatterBrain

Very sad and being a father of three girls, stuff like that hits me hard, nice job. Ted

Posted: Jul 16, 2008

Author Comment:

I hope I didn't make you too sad Ted, you sound like a good dad;) Just remember, they will always need you~even when they want you to just leave them alone! They still need you;) Even from afar...

Thanks & (smiles*)

~rain

Swiirley

Best thing I've read all night (:

Posted: Jul 18, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you Swiirley, I'm glad ;) (very nice compliment)
~rain

ReganFinch

Hey raindown :)

Poetry is at its best when it is personal. Pretty words and clever writing techniques will never count as much as pure emotion in this genre of writing. You really showed true heart-felt emotion here that really brought a tear to my eye. Amazing raindown. You are a great poet :)

Regan

Posted: Jul 19, 2008

Author Comment:

Wow, what a beautiful and graceful compliment, thank you Regan. ;)

All of the positive comments and incredible support I have received, have made sharing it all worth it!

Ever so grateful~rain

BloodyBlade

OMFG! I almost cried. That was sooooooo sad. That reminds me of many people who miss there dads cause of the war in Iraq. But i hope u r alright. If u need someone to talk to talk to me. I luv to talk to poeple. I really do hope ur alright. =)

Posted: Jul 20, 2008

Author Comment:

Well, thank you;) I'm fine~that was a long while ago, I appreciate the sentiments though! Your enthusiasm is bright
~rain

raindown

I'm so sorry ThoughtlessClouds! I accidentaly deleted your comment ;( I made like three spelling mistakes in my 'Author Comment' (cause I was so tired...)and so I thought I'd delete it and reply again~ I've never done that before and I didn't know it would delete your comment as well! It was such an insightful and delightful comment and so here's my thanks;) Oops
~rain

Posted: Jul 20, 2008

dubl

I can relate really easily to this poem. It's very touching. the way this poem is so sparse but tells everything is something only the truly talented can achieve. and most of them don't. def. one of my favorite works on this website. keep writing raindown!

Posted: Jul 21, 2008

Author Comment:

Hey dubl, nice to see a comment from you~ I enjoyed reading your poems yesterday;) Thank you, I'm honored you liked it so much~rain

Rocky

That's a good poem, I know how it feels to miss someone, so you're not alone.

Posted: Aug 5, 2008

Author Comment:

Oh thank you Rocky, I appreciate the sentiment;) I hope your day is sunny~rain

Urja

Hello Rain, this is the first work of yours that I am reading, and I'm so glad I decided to check your profile. This poem made me think of my dad and also my mom, and of course, of me, when I was going through that same stage. My dad was not a soldier but he had his own battles to fight, and he left us. He used to visit us, something like once a year or so, but those few days meant much to me. He was the only adult who actually took me and my thoughts seriously - my mom was depressed and lost in her own grief. I could never show my hurt because I had to be strong - for my mom, for my sister, even for my dad who did love us in his own way. But one hurts, even if the world does not see it. Many times even I have wondered about how things would be had they been different. But then, I would have become different too, and I like what I am today, so I guess whatever happened, it was meant to be. Sorry for pouring this story on you, but your incredibly moving poem brought it all out of me. Thank you for sharing this.

Posted: Aug 6, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you Urja, I'm glad too!;) that you did share...I know I am not alone, I know this; but its always nice to hear it;) So glad to hear from you,
~rain

Dark Skylight

This is very touchy,sad beautiful and deep.Its so sad.I cryed.Its so sad when someone doesnt have a dad.I dont know what to say.Im sorry.I cant imagine how you must felt.My dad was in war too.5 years.I still havent borned,but When I was 5 he came back.And I was little,I dont remember much,but he was wounded.And almost died,but he didnt.And I wish all the best for you.Take care.
Beautifuly sad poem.
:)

Posted: Aug 7, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks Sky, I hope you were able to forge a relationship when he came back. It's very important to hold on to what you do have;) Thanks for the kind wishes!
~rain

dadio

This poem works well on all levels. It is moving, but not sentimental, it has that reality without being brash, it has the good feel of a very good poem.

Posted: Aug 9, 2008

Author Comment:

Why thank you dadio~ I enjoyed reading your work earlier; absolutely entertaining! I am so glad you stopped by, and take that as a great compliment comming from such a spot on poet;)
~rain

The Cowboy

Good expression. Very well written..Touching..emotional.

Posted: Aug 17, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks Cowboy, glad you liked it! It was very emotional for me to write, and somewhat healing;) I don't usually get personal with my writing, but I think it was worth it. ;)~rain

diannejoy

And to think there was a time when it was thought that the presence of a dad was not important. You clearly state how important a dad really is.

Posted: Aug 24, 2008

Author Comment:

Truely, and very important to me; I love my dad! Can't speak for everyone but he was (is) a huge influence for me. ;)

erm1980

Wow this is very touching. My dad passed away when I was a kid. I know how it feels without a dad when you need one.

Well written Rain. I liked it soooo much.

Posted: Sep 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you erm, I'm sorry about your father~you're a great poet, I'm sure he would have been proud of you. ;)I love you're Featured Poem~ I't was awesome! Thanks again, ~rain

Marathongman

Very touching. Very well done

Posted: Sep 15, 2008

Author Comment:

I never knew so many people would identify and appreciate such a personal poem of loss~Thank you very much, ;)

Pratibha

never feel alone...RAIN...i guess a part of all us is always there with you through this....trust ME

Posted: Sep 16, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you Patibha, that's sweet. I do love booksie for all the friends I've made, ;) from so far away we share friendships~ and I think of all you at different times and I smile~because you are all real. Out there~ I wish you the best~thanks! ~rain

craaig

Thank you for having the courage to share this with us.
The innocent voice speaking to her long lost daddy is haunting. And yet the innocence does not hide the courage and determination within. Very touching. It caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up.

Posted: Sep 22, 2008

Author Comment:

-haunting. Oooh, you made me see it in a bit of a different light, I like that! Well, I'm glad it made an impression.
Thanks craaig! ~rain

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