I haven't lost you yet!!!!!
A year and half has come to past,
And I thought without you I cannot last!
Like a daily exercise I try to remember 5 moments with you, I've spent
It's getting more and more challenging to relive the history, fact that I lament.
My brain has the audacity to replace the memories of you with something new,
I remember the colour of your eyes and those lines of wrinkles, although few,
But I think harder day by day for your voice is fading,
And the contours of your face are waning.
I retrace the scar on your forehead and I remember that strange peculiar 'til' inside your left eye!
I try to focus on that villainous laughter and the cool guy grin when you'd lie.
I try to inhale the sweet, salty smell of your sweat mixed with 'oh so many brands' of your latest cologne.
I try to imagine your angry expression, even the face you always made, the one I used to hate.
The crinkle on chin when you'd pout while thinking,
And the twinkle in your eyes when you'd smile without blinking
The bet to finish the entire food and make mom cook everything again,
And then lay down on sofas with us, it will now never be the same.
That craze for new shoes and pen and even new songs,
And being there for me to right all my wrongs!
Calling me your 'angel' and being there in times of distress,
Who do I go to now to ask "how do I look in my new dress?"
The dreams you saw for me, slowly are all coming true,
But now, who is going to pat my back and say 'I'm so proud of you'?
That teasing and pampering,
Those laughs and the scolds,
The good the bad, and even the ugly.
Ah! I never thought I'd miss those ugly parts of you!
Funny thing the brain does!
It tarnishes the memories, but never loses sight of what is lost...
That one wrong decision in the hospital and what it had cost!
I try this daily(5 memory exercise), to fill all the memory rifts in my brain
I am not ready, just not ready to lose you again.
A memory of you comes to me
I see you smile, 'tis the day you bought me my pet
I sigh with relief
For, I haven't lost you yet .... I haven't lost you yet!