As the new year beckons you to begin again and set the bar higher take a moment to honor those who have helped you to manifest the person you have become. So honor your son Tim . He turned twenty three and completed his degree . He is a strapping and beautiful man although burdened by a lack of confidence in his skills. You must encourage him to not settle for less because that is what was offered to him in the past. He has just echoed your insecurities and hurt back; because you also settled. He is your reflection of where you were at any given time. You can see his skills but he is blind to them. You have tried to respect his age and space by letting him come to you; now you must reach out to him more often. Let him know that you can be a mature man and adore your Mom simultaneously.
Last year marked a turning point for you. You had the courage to leave your door and the false sense of security you had created in your space. You dated for the first time in a decade. You dressed and primped again and remembered your smile and your beauty for a short while. You must continue to stretch out of the clean lines you have lived within and dip your toes in the water’s edge. Take that trip to Paris in the Spring and try everything at least once. When you return buy that hound you have been mulling around about. One that can run with you and calm you when your son is far away. Be careful not to date any though. Take it slow and use your intuition. Do not be flattered by the attention; like a flower drawn to the sun. The past does not have to predicate the future. You have spent years mourning the losses, paying for the cost of freedom and accepting what you have done wrong. It is time to let it be and become once again. The first person you will have to love is yourself and the rest will follow. You will not require a dating service or an introduction from a friend. Your new beginning will set the tone for your end.
Keep the trust that you just never know and behave in the classy way you always have. You must not succumb to the dark words and maneuvers of those who only know hurt. When you sense the inconsistency of words and actions call it out and walk away. As you wrote earlier “today is tomorrows yesterday.” Remember the words you have learned and read so much about. We live our life in a series of moments. Some are painful but take heart that another moment will follow that has the possibility of joy. You also read from Chopra and Ford about the darkness within. We are as capable of creating pain as we are in the offering of love. The darkness within us is universal. No one of us is better or worse than the other. If called to the light your means will diminish in the face of truth. This is the philosophy that will set you apart from the rest when things became unbearable.
Keep on writing it is your art and a skill you have honed. Your life experiences are your canvas and the emotions are the colors you paint with your words. The losses and loves are the punctuations of your days. You must express your ideas not for the reader but to compensate for the decades of remaining mute.
So when all is said and done you had a good year. You walked with head held high and challenged some fears. You remembered how to play and you are still standing to tell the story although you got sick as a dog and will recall those shots for many years to come. At least you felt something and you stepped out of the comfortably numb you were stuck in for so long.
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