I went to
bed last night and just did not feel well at all. I wish he would
text me more. I guess he doesn't like me. At least I was able to
keep my mind busy today. I cleaned house, clothes, mowed lawn,
got a phone charger. It would of been better with him. It would
mean the world to me if he texted.
saying he. But it's easier to say the more I say it. I reached
out in hope for support last night. I almost died. In my hand I
held my life. 16 pills might have ended it.
For the most
part I do what is expected of me. I make my mistakes. I don't
know why, but if he doesn't text me its like he is saying he
doesn't have an interest anymore. I may send snail mail, but I
sure don't get anything back. He is so normal. He is a drama
queen. He is in the crowd and possibly the center of attention.
He fell into drugs just like many do.
weird. He'd balance me. I just wish he would text me something.
Anything would make this evening easier on me. At least my
stomach wasn't sick today. At least I'm not on the verge of
death. Lol, Just text me Brandon! That's all I want
I was going
to read tonight. But procrastination is something I do well. Ap
government book is what I have to read. Grr. I have to go to the
school Thursday for pics and my schedule that I will probably
I give in, I
have to ask what he wants to do Thursday. Probably drugs.
Whatever. I don't do drugs. I should ask if his last boyfriend
was into drugs, but thats the last thing we need again after me
going nutty last night. I asked what his favorite legal activity
was and he still answered smoking pot. LMAO cute =) I'm glad I
gave in because we are setting something up for Thursday.
We are back
to the drug argument. And jealousy and all those immature
dramatic ups and downs that destroy me every time. The truth is
I'm not happy with myself. I spill my guts and I get Mhmm.
............ Now its like nothing happened.
I still have
this funny hunch drugs rule his life and I think our loss is
inevitable with me being involved. But, he is so attractive it is
so funny how fast my feelings change. Maybe I am bi polar. This
is like real time journaling.
Why am I so
eager to send my pics to him when he won't probably date me. Is
that all he wants is sex? Others close to me have sex upon
meeting so someone has to be good in bed.
much had an obsession with Brandon at this point. I was under the
idea that the whole purpose of a relationship was talking about
things. Sometimes disagreeing and than having make up sexting.
Well we got into this discussion about drugs again. Of course I
still wasn't letting go of the idea he had done drugs and I had
no idea that I was the one focusing on looks instead of trying to
actually get together and enjoy each others company. I was
relying on Brandon for emotional support right off the bat. I
don't think that ever works out. I was inexperienced when it
comes to relationships plus in my first attempt at a real one I
focused only on the negative.