"So, how is your preparation for your exams?"
"My calculation went wrong, the number of days put aside for different papers and books got disturbed by other happenings. Now, the examination has got to be a mere formality, the charm that I was having for it has got completely lost. I am not worried about the written exams; there you can write any bullshit, no one will hold your hand from writing but in oral exams?"
"Dear you still have two days time, just revise and give. You are preparing two months course since ten months."
"Yes, I feel like saying in the orals that I am still not prepared, I want another chance. The real problem is I am not interested in this course itself; I am just fulfilling the wishes of my parents and teachers. Tow years have passed and I am doing what I hate. I simply want to pack my bag and slip to some remote area, away from parents and institute and all the responsibilities. You just wait and see, once this exam gets over I am not going to listen to anyone."
"Brother, I don't understand why you want to quit the institute; we have stress but outside the conditions are more troublesome. Here at least I eat good food in the mess, take bath in the shower and go for sleep, 14,000 rupees scholarship per month."
"Yes, I know what life we are living, we both are prescribed 'happy pills' for our depression, you are more than ninety and I eighty kilograms because of our good food. Very soon children would call us 'sack of rice,' we take bath under the shower and sleep is just like the pigs wet their skin in dirty drains and go to sleep in it or outside. You talk about 14,000 rupees scholarship, then why don't you go to Saudi Arabia; there you can earn around 50,000 rupees just by taking the goats for grazing."
"O, brother don't stimulate my suppressed desires, last month when I was in Sweden, what a nice country, although as big as our Lucknow and Kanpur together but the life they lead there, O! God, it is heaven out there, India stands nowhere in comparison to them. I am just going to settle in some western country, I can't stay in our country."
"You are a real coward, why do you want to leave the country? If in India we are facing the 'caste problem' then in other country you shall be having the tag of 'India,' a person in search of bread and better in their country. It is surprising that your parents changed the surname to avoid this caste problem but I can understand when you sit among the upper caste students, always you must be feeling insecure, afraid that if your identity gets revealed then how would they treat you?"
"Yes, that's true often the discussion starts something related with the Dalits, Scheduled Castes, Reservation Policy for them, etc. and then howsoever I may try to control some hormones do stimulate my emotions and I feel like running from there but I can't. Okay! Let it go, first tell me do you drink?"
"No! Yaar, I am afraid, I am taking those medicines and if they react with each other then my brain would burst."
"No, not a problem, you do one thing take bear everyday at 10.00pm and you will certainly get up at your desired time. There's no use in sleeping after taking breakfast and getting up in the evening. But wait, bear won't be good for you it would make you more obese, you should take whisky, I have brought Scotch costs around 800 rupees but I got it for 600 at the air port, lets try some and see if it suits, then you can arrange for examination. But you should not call me coward! I have fought with the system, but nobody helps, they are just like those men who heat up the women for sex and when its time for intercourse they ejaculate. I know you have got success against the system many times and at a wider scale but what would you like to become if you are given the chance to choose? "
"I would prefer to join some terrorist, Naxalite, LTTE group, etc. at least they have power, power to discuss, judge and execute."
"It is shocking that even after getting educated, studying in the top most institute of India you want to be a terrorist. This, is the mentality of all the Dalits or especially of our caste?"
"I think of our caste, remember we Pasi were listed as 'criminal caste' so it is the broadening of our desire to become a terrorist and nothing else."
Then we both brought our glasses closer and said, "cheers! cheers! In the name of our miserable lives! Haha haha. Brother, remove your shirt and we are going to have a walk in the open. You must remember that God hasn't given us the wings to fly, but we have wine as its substitute, soon after drinking come in the open and enjoy the nature, walk against the wind, stagger on the middle of the road, stretch your hands and run as if a plane is about to take off, shout as if you have gone mad because this is the time to shed away your shyness. Let us move towards another hostel."
"Okay! Dear do you know why the middle class is always jealous of the two other classes? Simply because you see the lower class person works hard in the day and in the evening he simply takes wine or marijuana and goes to sleep. Upper class is caught up between the appointments, doesn't has the time to cry, so he can arrange everything for the family members without his own presence. Thus, this class also has access to the bear and wine, so they too take it to sleep on the desired time and when they wake up they don't have the time to waste in thinking. It is not the wealth but the wine which you missed to see in Sweden."
"Yes, this I didn't noticed and it might be popular in all the Western countries, listen some guys are singing a song."
What to do Juli;
when nothing is in your hands
and when nothing is in my hands.
"Brother, you just see how these boys react."
If you havine nothing then take mine in your hands!!!"
"Who is this bastard, get lost if you don't want to die."
"You son of a bitch, is julie your sister, for which you are so concerned!"
I was getting bit confused, if something went wrong or any complained is lodged and the institute authorities find that two black listed stuents have together got into their trap on their own it would be their long awaited prayer come true. It was the hostel five students who didn't replied back and so we returned to our rooms. I thought again a day has been lost and what did I produce? Nothing. Ten months have passed and I produce nothing. Those who can produce are called impotent? Isn't it? Yes, I think so. So, I too am impotent, they are sexually and I am academically.