If I Was A Butterfly
Have you ever wanted to be butterfly? I have! I wish I could just fly away from all the problems in life. Dream! Life is but a dream, a sour one at that. Like little nasty Sour Patch Kids.
Why can't I fly? How come I can't get away from the bad parts of life. I'd fly into a fairytale. I'd be in a place where everything was beautiful and everyone loved me. A place where there was peace and quiet. My life is full of crazy people, rude, staring, whispering human beings who turn their backs on you. I wish I could fly...
If I chose one person in the world to live with the rest of my life, it'd be Daddy. I felt like he was the only one who really believed in me, the only one who actually cared. Every time I fell, he was there to pick me up. Whenever I was down, he'd uplifted my spirit! As butterflies, we both just flew carelessly across the land. No one could guide our wings in the right direction, we went our own ways. There was nothing that could get in between our relationship. I could tell him anything, until he met her. Once she came into the picture, our wings got sticky. Life was ran by a schedule. Freedom was no more.
Two Different Places, Two Different Worlds
I've lived in four different places through my entire lifetime.
I only really count two of them though.
Those two places held most of my emotions.
3542 N. 3rd Street and 3103 W. Wells Street.
Two different 'homes' that hold so many different feelings.
I left 3rd street so unexpectedly.
It wasn't a proper move!
We'd just up and left!
Me, my two brothers, younger sister, and dad left behind that white and brown house, my mom, and my freedom.
On 3rd Street, I spent my days alone.
I sat in my room, eating dinner and watching television.
I went to bed when I wanted.
I had a room all to myself and if anyone wanted to talk to me, they'd have to knock on my locked door. I slept with a fan on every night.
The sound of the wind rocked me into a deep slumber.
Here on 31st street, the word 'alone' don't exist.
Everyone is watching your every move and either copying those motions, or making slick comments.
The air is dirty here.
The fans are all broken!
I sleep in silence, after I listen to my music for about an hour, that is.
I don't have my own room and people walk into it as much as they please.
On 3rd we rented a house from Daddy's father.
On 31st, we rent this apartment out from Jomela.
I don't know if there was love in the house on 3rd Street, but I know the one on 31st has never heard of the word.
'Hate' has never been in my vocabulary until I got here.
'Hatred' has never been in my heart until I got here.
These are the problems in life I wish I would fly away from the farthest if I were a butterfly.
My First Crush
Every girl has their childhood crush. I've had many, but Christopher was my numero uno. We'd first met K4. At that age I knew we would get married, and have the best looking kids. The thing is, we had never exchanged words with each other in school, nor did he ever give me a glance. But he knew I was in his class because one day, we saw each other outside of school. It was summer break and I was hanging out with my older cousin and her friends. He was with a group of his own buddies.
Christopher said, "Hey! Wasn't you in my class?"
I just nodded my head. I was very shy back then.
"You know him?"my older cousin, Destiny, asked.
"That girl was in my class!" Christopher said to his friends.
To the naked eye, I may have looked pretty normal. But on the inside, I was gushing with warmth! He knew who I was! Not by name, because he hadn't said it, but still.
I felt real special! All the butterflies in my stomach started to lift me off my feet. Only if that small moment could've lasted forever. We'd only gave each other a glance before we when our separate ways.
I haven't seen Christopher since that summer day. Either he went to a different school or we just had separate classes in elementary. When third grade came around, I left Green Bay Avenue and when to Franklin Pierce Elementary.
I felt like a butterfly being casted away into a whole new direction in life. Why do things have to change as you get older?
I've never had a true best friend. Everyone has always been there for one or two school years, then left me stranded in this big world lonesome. Tiesha was my first grade best friend, Porsha was there in fourth and fifth grade, and even though we didn't have the same classes, Brandee stayed by my side in grades sixth through eighth. When I got into high school, freshman year, Andie was my good friend. Sophomore year, I had Deja.
She was my real first taste of actual friendship. We spend the night over each other's houses, went to parties together, and movies, too! She wasn't there for any of my problems, but she always kept a smile on my face. She doesn't go to Milwaukee High School of the Arts for junior year. We don't talk that much anymore either. We used to be two butterflies riding the waves of Earth together until she left me.
I walk down the crowded hallways of MHSA. Alone.
Okay, well there's Maddy...
I was a pretty biased little kid when I was younger. I didn't believe in adoption, abortion, white people dating or marrying blacks, or homosexual females. It just didn't seem right to me! Until I met Maddy! She's a cool girl and a good friend. I don't know that much about her other then she has two younger brothers, but all that really matters to me is that she keeps a smile on my face. She's nice, so you'd like her as company, not that I've even had her over my house! But she's good company for me at school!
We first started talking to each other in freshman year. We were in Spanish 1. Sra. Defino sat us next to each other and then we started talking. I'd call her Maddy-son and she'd call me Joyce Ann-son, but I don't think she remembers that. We started calling each other that because it had something to do with what we were learning in class that day. I like Maddy, even thought she likes girls, she's a good person. And, she's real easy for me to joke around with. And actually be myself! I don't like just sitting around frowning, and Maddy just knows how to put a smile on my face.
I met a singing group. Not in person, they're from Britain or England, whichever. Their band name is One Direction. I first saw them on-line singing their hit single 'What Makes You Beautiful' and they sounded good. I looked up more of the groups songs on YouTube and learned that they were part of UK's X- Factor, Series 7. They inspired me to go on the X- Factor here in USA. But I need a group. I love to sing and all, but I'd rather be with other people so I wouldn't have to do it alone. I'm tired of being a sad, mopey, lonely butterfly. I want to be famous and loved by millions. I want my wigs to spread so everyone can see my beautiful colors. I want people to know that, just because I seem like a steal train on the outside, doesn't mean I'm not beautiful within. The saying goes, "Don't judge a book by it's cover," but the new saying is, "Don't judge a butterfly by the way she flies..."
If I were a butterfly, I'd fly without any limits. I'd fly away from all the drama, I'd do what I wanted. I would fly into a new millennium. I'd fly out of space, out of time. No one would be able to find me. I'd be catching me dreams, because getting where you want isn't harder than it seems. If I could fly.