MY DARLING SAMANTHA

Looking into the depth of my heart where did you go. Looking up to the ocean of sea blue skies My Darling Samantha I feel you’re looking down protecting me as I did you. I remember your skin as soft as a new born. Your hair long shining full bodied like a trunk of a beach tree. Your eyes shined like diamonds so beautiful Yet your body so fragile like a porcelain doll. If you were to be dropped you would break.

You looked to me for your life your existence all I could do is what my inner thoughts told me. I nursed you like a baby for all of your 9 and half years. I fought as you fought for your precious life. Another day in hospital bringing you nearer to the skies above, I would pray and cry and wish I were you, so I could fight another bout of pneumonia for you.

The fear inside the touch of your skin your simple breathing for life itself my heart went to you so many times. You and I faced this journey together we fought. You taught me the patience of life. I cared and loved you beyond life itself, to keep you here with me. Sometimes a little smile would appear on you face, or you would try in your own world to let me know the pain and suffering, you sometimes went through, yet my darling Samantha you were never alone.

I reflect on your most precious short life, the achievements you showed yet with no guidance. I remember that first step you took in your small baby walker it had four silver legs a blue seat to hold your small body, the strength it must of taken for you to complete that, however another bout of pneumonia took that small miracle from you, more medication to help keep those dreaded fits from making you suffer even more.

Yet there was joy when we went to sea side you smiled and look around, the first time I placed you in the sea the coldness on your body the shock to your system, yet after that you seem to enjoy the ripples of the waves as they reach you. Bath time was a favourite of yours maybe the freedom of clothes and the soft warm water. It was difficult to understand your feelings some times. Yet how I loved you and I suffered as you did. The hours I sat with you laying in my arms feeding you carefully as I could, so the tea did not go down to your lungs and the times you would spit a meal at me as to say “I don’t want that get me something else” which is exactly what I did.

Together you and I learnt we had a special bond, I would sense your fear and try to overcome it with love from deep within side me. You would be asleep at night in your small cot, I would awake suddenly from a deep sleep only to find as I approached your cot you having another fit, I coped best I could to help you, I waited, cuddle you, prayed for you, till the breathing turned back to normal.

Give you up to an institution that was never to be over my dead body.You did not ask to come into this world unable to talk hear or learn the skills of communication.

However you developed your own world your own special ways I tried to understand sometimes I did. Yet with all of your strength being taken from you through the years, I knew the day would come when you would leave me with only memories. The times in hospital over the years the oxygen tents you were fighting. I would be at home trying to sleep waiting for the phone to ring. I lived in a world of fear of losing you what would my life be without you yet it didn’t happen that way.

To find you that morning lying in your new bed lifeless, was devastating. I remember your pale white face peaking beyond the sheets, cuddling you, still being able to feel the warmth of your body where the cover had kept you warm.

My Daring Samantha life goes on, yet when you left me part of me went with you, I MISS YOU MY DARLING SAMANTHA no more fighting for life just peace for you and memories for me. I truly know the GIFT OF LOVE because you gave it and LEFT IT WITH ME.