Love is a risky,
foolish, yet rewarding game. Many think they will never fall prey
to its seductive lure; I was one of those people. After just
finishing with the last of my high school classes, the only thing
that was stopping me from being a free man was senior prom and
graduation. It was indeed a time in my life where things just
seemed to go the way I wanted. My circle of friends revolved
around four people, my childhood friend Joe, my unofficial sister
Allison (who lived with me during senior year), and a friend of
Joe's and Allison's who happened to be the S.O president,
you had told me back in January, when Nikki and I were first
introduced, that she would become my fiancée I would have surly
laughed at the mere suggestion. It's funny how life works
Every Tuesday, from that day back in January, when we were first
introduced, till the end of the school year, the four of us (Joe,
Nikki, Allison, and I) would meet up at pizza hut after school to
sit and chat about all aspects of life. We became close and the
four of us were inseparable. We adopted the silly name "The Blue
Eyes Club" simply because we all had blue eyes; o how we
pretended to be so exclusive.
can recall countless times, even in the dark of winter, when we
would go to our secret beach and sit in this gazebo overlooking
the ocean. Little did I know this spot would be wear I would
propose to Nikki during a summer sunset.
managed to get her a job with me later on in the year. Working
together and going to school allowed the perfect recipe for a
very close friendship.
life went on and Nikki and I became closer. Prom and graduation
were fast approaching and up too this point, I never looked at
Nikki as anything more than a friend. She and I went to prom with
different people, however that night things completely changed.
After the prom both our dates went home. There was an after party
that we were both very interested in going to. The kids name was
Shamus, his family owned a bar and they were known for throwing
amazing parties; his house was our destination. There was a couch
bus that was transporting people from the prom to Shamus's house.
I recall Nikki and me sitting next to each other and just taking
random pictures and talking about the night. Already I noticed a
bond developing; it was scary how much we had in common.
Arriving at the party, I believe we both wanted nothing to do
with anybody else but ourselves. We sat on the deck just looking
at the stars. That night was the first night I kissed her. We
acted as if nothing happened and just considered it a onetime
There was a week
gap between prom and graduation, I recall only once during that
time when we talked about that kiss. "Are you mad at me?" I asked
very timidly, she knew exactly what I was talking about.
not at all." She responded with a look that I will never forget;
a look that said "are you serious?!" her eyes said it all, this
was only the beginning.
Graduation was next on the to-do list. It was a very thrilling
day and Nikki was close to my side the entire time. Things were
going well. Naturally there was a graduation party the following
day, we were to bring tents and set them up in the back yard. So
I bought a tent, Nikki came over a few times to practice setting
it up. I'll never forget when we fell asleep in it out in my
backyard; my mom thought we were insane.
had just gotten out of work, the tent was in my backseat and it
was time for the party. We arrived at the house and the smell of
barbeque and the sound of music came from the backyard. We both
knew it was going to be a good night. We set up the tent and just
had a great time. That night our relationship took another turn
for the better. By the time morning came we were walking to my
car holding hands. It was not until later on that month when we
decided to officially go out, it was right after I got back from
my college orientation.
we spent the summer working thirteen hour shifts at work,
swimming in oceans and pools on our days off and late at night,
and going to the movies whenever we wanted. Between you and me,
Nikki and I started a riot at a concert one time; we knocked over
the police and lead a crowd of hundreds over barricades and
through a stadium. We went to Six Flags whenever we could, no
matter how much I begged her she would never go on a
rollercoaster. Allison was with us through it all. It was a wild
time, an amazing summer with two of my most beloved people in the
gazebo at our secret beach was the place I knelt down on one knee
and proposed to her, the orange and purple sunset and the smell
of the sea breeze locked this memory into my head, her saying yes
made it all the more complete.
all knew that summer was soon going to end, and with that we
would all go our separate ways. I was going to Saint Johns, Nikki
was going to a school upstate New York, and Allison was going to
Canada. Joe slowly lost touch for that summer, I talk to him now
more than ever; he stayed back out on Long Island.
last day of summer came. I just picked up my last paycheck from
work and in that parking lot, we said goodbye. There were tears;
I recall that being the only time I ever saw Nikki cry. I knew
there was no way I could comfort her, our relationship was about
to change radically and we both knew it.
got in the car and just cried, I cried for the memories that made
my past all the more livable, I cried for the expected long
periods of separation we would both experience, I cried for many
things that day, but most of all I cried because I was leaving
the life that I had worked years to build and it felt like it was
all shattered in the course of one day. I pulled out of that
parking lot and looked back in my mirror one last time; she was
indeed the love of my life.
that day on I would see her two months at a time if I was lucky
to even get that. Eventually our dreams were smacked with the all
too painful hand of reality. We realized that we were seeing less
and less of each other and living two completely different lives.
It wasn't going to work then, and that killed me to admit. We
broke up after a perfect six month relationship, with that went
our dreams of a house together, and our dreams of raising a
family; we had already picked out a name for our child: Hayden
Emerson Genovese. The day we broke up I think we both lost a part
of ourselves, something that no amount of time could ever heal.
Now all that remains are memories and dreams, dreams of my ideal
future and memories of my ideal past.