It was a pleasant enough night,but nothing could’ve hinted it would turn to into such a horrid panindemonic masterpiece. the space of a few hours.sanjit didn’t know where to turn to avoid the conflicting emotions making an all-out ruckus in his cortex like an out-of rhythm orchestra without a conductor way was trying to outrun a jamming metal band,and the resulting logomachy of sounds,a lurid cacophany,that drilled into his subconscious,thoughts at breakneck speed,and in a gothic randomness.he looked around himself.everything was just the way it was before,serene ,the surroundings actually not coming across as the proverbial personified reflection of his troubled mind.still grappling with the almost vertigo like state,he'd ried to console himself with a half-hearted condolence that at least this time,since the storm-in=a-tea-cup was all in his head,he could atleast put on a semblance of peace and quiet when he returned home as opposed to the virtual battleground his home had turned to months ago with problems literally lined up to take their turns on him and when he had no way to run or avoid them.it was,he remembered,only when he’d started taking on problems head on,that they had disappeared almost miraculously albeit leaving him feeling like a jackass for having being dicked around for the better part of three years over nothing.
He knew this was nothing like it.for,this was a question he’d avoided for two years,at times adopting different tactics to absolve himself of the problem,like immersing himself at work,invoking his pseudo masochistic leanings by trying to tell himself that that “whore” had cheated him and while he was crying ove her ,exhibiting his effeminate side,she was probably deeply enjoying a dictus of orgasmic pleasure in at sheetal inn,a lodge fifty steps from his office,her act of defiance a gothic mockery of his manhood and that she deserved to be shot by that glock ,which he now had in his possession alongwith the new guttersnip(who by the way looked exactly like sanjit dumbre,only more rapist-like,he observed ,even in his pained state) and when all else failed,trying to find his creative leanings again,but the feelings had followed him through various moods,always coming back like a bad penny,for even when he’d patted himself on the back for successfully obliterating every thought of her,he’d frighteningly felt the sensations of something at the back of his mind like a bulbous tumour that was eating gnawing away at his brain,but which he couldn’t get rid of,no matter what he tried.when he tried to make a painting,though he avoided all thoughts of her successfully,the paintings inadvertently reflected some whiff of her.when he tried listening to his collection of classic rock songs,the bluesy numbers tended to reflect his feelings word for word,to the point that he,feeling like an out-of-sorts teenager would relegate the tracks to some corner he wouldn’t look at easily and the resultant output was that he’d been completely out of sorts with what was happening with the music world.
He suddenly remembered that he hadn’t ever raised a hand at her,no matter what she did.now,he thought sadly,what a fool he’d been.he looked at the bulkier of the two kit bags that held gifts he hadn’ given pooja,a lot of it jewellery he never sold even when his life was reduced to scrounging around his pockets for change to buy the groceries.walking to it,he pulled out a particularly slick,AND dress,he’d thought she’d love.his thoughts whirled back towards the start of their courtship circa 2007.
Friday 20th july 2007-walking through the new ly opened mall with the two jokers that always accompanied him,he excecuted a half-jiving skid on the polished floor of the very plush upmarket store,which was one gesture too many for his bulky friend swapnasheel not to guess that sanjit was really upbeat about something,and his expertise with things concerning women told him,his friend here was the latest to join the universal bandwagon.he tried gesturing to mehul who was as always checking a mini-skirted pyt ,drinking her with his eyes,uninhibited,unashamed,while sanjit had in a flash dashed inside an flummoxed the stylishly dressed saleswoman by asking her if the dress would be available in mauve,and if they would alter it to fit a size 4 woman who was about 5’3.after a quick word with the floor manager,sanjit walked out gaily with the other two,and right at the moment when swapnasheel’s curiosity which he’d walled in up until now knowing his particularly torrid history with prabhjeet,threatened to burst out,sanjit chirpily started talking.”it’s for urja,guys,my sis’d murder me ninja-style if I asked her to get herself into this.it’s the girl I told u about.very sweet.looks literally like god had made an anti-thesis of everything prabhjeet,and presented her to me,you know she’s kind of short,but I’m short too,has this alexis bledel meets anna rossum look,but her dress sense’s amess,hence the extra-effort,….”
Swapnasheel,in a voice amazingly chipped and to-the-point for his ungainly bulk shot”hey hey…halt right there….since when’s this affair of your’s on…and well,I’ve to really ask you this…do you mean to tell us you’re over prabhjeet,I mean after all that hair-raising mess u made of urself,you’ve finally found urself a new girl,while she’s rotting in some lowly Punjab village thinking about her ‘cute’ beau..”
Stop it!!!” sanjit barked at him with a booming voice he reserved for just such occasions.”u know well that she dumped me and is now seeing gurminder,that ass-wipe.and hey,by the way,it isn’t technically an affair,as yet I mean with her…..”sanjit halted mid-sentence.
“with heerrrr…….”,mehul prodded him with his spaced out drawl sounding every bit in sync with his look which actually came across as micheal reznik trying to impersonate jim Morrison.
Sanjit suddenly looked tense,an blurted”well,technically it’s not an affair because I haven’t really asked her out,we meet socially,as friends and I’m planning on asking her out because I’m not one of those dopes who try and satiate their sexual leanings under the guise of friendship nor is this some Hollywood b-rom com where I could just take her out one fine day,get her in the mood and somewhere deep within exploring her body,we’d both find we’re m.f.e.o,”.
Mehul made an expression that was a horribly exaggerated version of a similar feeling of exasperation he’d seen on tv probably on some silly syndication of a hit Hollywood tv series from the last decade and drilled his drawling voice with “hey,maan,spare us diatribe on the ethics of running a propah relationship,let’s celebrate,on you of course,the fact thatyou’re off one woman,even as you’re head over heels over another” while he held his hand out for swapnasheel to clap,but both sanjit and swapnasheel had assumed an awfuly morose,which made him contort his face into another roll-eyes-twitch-face gesture which he tried throwing at another pretty young thing that zipped them by,who promptly wrinkled her nose and pouted her lips as if to spit,which actually got swapnasheel and sanjit out of their haze and made them smile.
Of course,sanjit woudn’t tell them until much later that he’d done asking urja out and that she’d flat out refused,and he’d taken to thinning himself down under the wathful eye of his new personal trainer,shubi,and was going through every trick in the book to woo her at the same time,giving in to his heart and buying thingwas for her ona whim like she was already his..he didn’t know what he was doing.but deep down he knew she’d come to him,atleast as much as every lovelorn bloke knows the woman whom he’s into would reciprocate.
Now when he went down to brew himself a cup of coffee at 4.00a.m the whole thing looked so juvenile to him,yet the memories had some hold over him and his head felt like lead again as he thought of what she’d probably be doing right now,”going home from some seedy lodge,her make-up in a disarray”,and his head felt like lead,as he rubbed his temples,trying to curse the moment he’d laid his eyes on her and cupid had wronged him like zeus hadn’t wronged Prometheus.he went off to try and sleep.he’d already decided that it was futile to try and work today.the early morning gym session would have to be forgone.”well,just a mention of her and already,the disarray that is part of the package deal that is miss urja pai,has made it’s entry like a porter brings in some guy’s luggage”.he smiled at his own sad attempt at humour,before he went to sleep thanking god that at least that was unhurt through the hell that he’d been.