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phandango-part 1-now

Short story By: sachin achrekar
Memoir


a youth is confronted with the quandary of his life,when the twists and turns of fate threatens to bring him face to face with someone he's long learned to hate...besides it's time for a personal catharsis,as he has to slay the demons that still haunt him...


Submitted:Dec 23, 2011    Reads: 13    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   


from the beginning,sanjit arekar had these doubts about her.about the way she'd wrinkle her nose when her best friend prabhjeet would satiate her pangs of a cheap display of affection,back when it was them on the dating game.

trisha had always insisted that it was his very non-flirting kind of camaraderie she'd liked.certainly not his fashion sense,his quoting shakespeare, sartre,or for that matter,his obscenely huge chest.though to her credit she'd made it a point to tell him more than once how he was the only big-bicepped fool who'd also read dorian gray and that that would've been an enticing proposition had it not been for prabhjeet and rahul,their respective spouses. trisha cut a pretty picture.she was 5'7 tall,with a very athletic figure,thick dark brown hair which she wore long,untill the middle of her waist,lush green eyes.yet,that's not what he'd liked about her.rather,it was her very kind gesture of adopting her cousin's child when her cousin and her spouse had met with an accident and her resoluteness to keep the little girl(the girl was 6 months old when she adopted her),in the face of opposition which really amounted to everyone around her that sanjit liked.

he absent-mindedly looked into the mirror. saw a trim reflection staring back at him.then the vertigo hit one more time.and he thought of her.urja.he smiled sadly.by now she'd probably be engaged or married to one gurmukh.the guy she'd left him for. the guy who'd call him up when he'd be with her in some seedy lodge and would let him listen to her moaning.the guy for whom she'd faked a story of his best friend mohit calling her up and abusing her.she'd gone to the police with that made up story.it had been surreal.it had been futile telling her that mohit was actually born with a speech defect,with a tongue so thick,it'd been hell his parents had to go through,just to hear their son talk like any normal child.it had taken no less than thirteen experts before the problem was diagnosed.now their son did talk,graduated like everyone else,but he sounded like he had a slight accent.yet,he couldn't have talked continuously for more than an hour like she said he did.besides,he couldn't pronounce quite a few sounds,like "s","sch" etc..it would've been the death of him.somehow he'd never quite been able to tell her that.he wanted to scream at her and tell her he could be everything but a liar.but urja had,in her own words "taken a decision".

he had taken it badly.but he didn't ever call her even once on her cell.he'd wrenched the number off her when he'd run into her in the street,but had soon deleted.all through he had tried moving on.he couldn't.he couldn't even bring himself to jog his memory at the suicide attempts.the constant retching.the swollen throat.the urinated blood.it all hurt him.

yet,what hurt him worse was that urja never stopped making stories about him.he'd heard from trisha that a guy who knew urja had to report that

she was bitching around telling anyone who'd cared to listen that he,sanjit arekar had faked his own death through some guy and was troubling her over the phone.he'd not quite known how to react,back then.he guessed it was another of her family's tricks.he'd filed a dozen nc's at police stations all around town against guys whom he knew were friends of hers.yet,he couldn't do anything.she and her sister always acted like their family weren't the sort to get their hands dirty trying to disrupt people's lives.

"why would I,he thought,just why would I fake my death?..if I liked someone and was trying to woo her back,would I want to tell her I'm alive and well,or would I want to give her an opportunity to forget me once and for all,almost according her an official license to move on?".

In fact,one particular night when bittu had called her up,and when she wasin a heavily drunken stupor,she'd told him flat out that she was planning on asking ,to have a rakhi tied by her.the next morning,having sobered up,deleted bittu from her fb list,instead accusing him of scheming with sanjit.

Little avnisha sauntering into the room with a loud scream of "sachiii,u ha muhni.?..i wann nu dess" disturbed his train of thought.avni was now two and was smart for her age and had learned to talk well enuff.he picked her up and promised her he'd take her shopping,something he'd do even when he was awfully short on cash,the resultant output of which was that avni,who was otherwise a difficult child to control,held him dear an would cling to him for everything.she pecked him on the cheek lightly and went off running.

He almost didn't want to go back to his thoughts of her,wanting instead to just drive off into the night.but it was almost as if he was locked up in a dark projector room with the sick tape that was his memories playing over at full volume.

He mind swerved him down to the point where after a particularly heated conversation with trisha over whether urja had really loved him or not,he had stormed off walking into the night till he had reached the siddhivinayak temple after 4 hours and where he spent the wee hours of the morning talking to total strangers,and how two teens from a lesser neighbourhood had given him hope.he smiled despite his trance.the two were now on his fb list,and were thick friends.

and then it had hit him one fine day....gawrsh,he'd thought "how the hell did i not think of thi s before"..it wasn't the case that her family and the new guy were doing it..." IT BLOODY WAS HER".in what he could only imagine as abject pleasure at dicking him around,she'd probably concieved the whole thing.she was very much part of it.yes,he'd never credited her with that much intelligence,it was more her simlplicity that he had fallen for.the way he then saw it,with trisha's prodding of course,that there was no damn way that guy gurmukh got off to so much without her support.

He got off the bed and ran straight into trisha."you're thinking about her,aren't you"?.

"prabhjeet",he lied through his teeth.trisha,stopped as if someone'd slapped her,made a face and walked away.prabhjeet was trisha's best friend from college and the person through whom she had met sanket.she had instantly taken to him,especially,his immense and ecletic repertoire of ,his vast collection of music,and above all,a keen fashion sense.prabhjeet,would,in due course of time ditch sanket,leave for her native and come back for him just when he'd latched himself on to urja.

He then remembered how shell-shocked she was,when she'd surprised him a while back,turning up at his gym,giving him flowers and candy,and he'd told her point blank that he'd found love again.she'd taken it badly.all through one and a half after that,prabhjeet had tried telling sanket how much she'd loved him and that he should be back with her.for his part,sanket never abhorred her.he 'd simply tried to come to terms with the situation by just asking her over and over why she'd been so late in turning around.he'd also tell her how he'd just dump everything and be back with her if all she did was tell him that the whole affair with another guy part was not real,but then he too wasn't convinced on the issue.he'd come down to meet her whenever she demanded,she'd claw him,pull his hair and make a nuisance of herself but never once did he say an off word to her…till the time she abused urja over a social networking site.he'd slapped her then and she'd slapped him back and held his jugular till he'd screamed in pain..

It all came back to haunt him now.even in that haze,his subconscious ribbed him that this was probably how it felt like to be drunk.but the joke was lost on him and he jogged down to his car,a later model sx4,an exact replica of his old car,the ownership rights for which he'd transferred ,courtesy,urja'smoney,but which he'd sold to pay the down payments on a flat that he knew she'd love.only,he'd bought it after she'd broken up with him,in a desperate bid to woo her back.he'd loved her crazily.but trisha had assured him that an ex-employee of hers called bittu whom urja had taken to,had actually relayed that urja had let him in on the fact that she wasting a very rich guy who had a flat on Malabar hill and whose family owned more than a few lanlordial properties at prime locations in Mumbai and he could buy a flat anywhere for her.his heart was shredded to bits and pieces that night.the night he attempted suicide for a second time.

Days later,he'd call her parents and tell them to tell her what had transpired but would be met with laughter and ridicule coupled with insults like none other.he had no way to tell her ofcourse,but trisha had assured him that she too had laughed off the suicide attempts when she was in touch with bittu for a month or so,expressing regret that he was even alive.it made him sick to his stomach even today.

he swerved around the connecting bridge and barely missed a teen couple caterwauling enough to attract a few curious onlookers,and raised his middle-finger to the couple in response to their angry looks.rolling his tinted windows back on he drove on nearing his home.he thought of his mother and sister whom he'd gotten into countless scuffles over urja since he billed them a factor contributing to his break-up,making them cry a thousand times over the past few months.it was only since a huge chunk of his dad's property and his own deals clicked,that he'd bought them this plush house,and had allowed his sister money to go abroad.

He sat down on his favourite lounging chair facintg yet another life-size mirror.he marvelled at the transformation his body had gone through.on hindsight,he thought urja had been right about being trim.thought he'd looked a lot different now,all he'd lost was fat while his weight had remained stable.where he was just practical joke big with the stereotypical big arms- big chest,he now sported a very fit,muscular appearance that'd made him look years younger to his age which actually was a fresh change he'd appreciated.

Trisha had by now convinced him,that urja had loved him for the money.and he was never in doub

about that fact.what he really found hard to fathom was how she'd so casually whisked him off…ck

And the amount of lies she'd put forth,like for instance,she'd accused him of asking for his gifts back.did she really think he'd ask for his gifts back.just why would he do that?..sure,it was an unwritten rule popularised mainly through hollywood, that at the end of a relationship,you gave back everything the other person gave you during the course of the relationship.but he had never asked for his gifts back.never,in fact,he'd wanted to gift her the violin he'd brought for her long back and which was to be gifted to her on her birthday.there were limitless other things thatwere bought for her,and even in that drug-like stupor that was the state of his mind after the break-up,somehow he'd wanted to gift her everything that was always bought for her.so why the hell did she have to bitch around?.he didn't even remember her sister's number anymore.so when urja accused him of calling her up and demanding things,the realisation of the kind of family she was from had started to dawn on him.

It was past dinnertime but sanket was never one to have dinner on time,especially since his choosiness with what was cooked at home now slowly returning.he'd marvelled at how just a month ago.he'd gone through a time when he'd eagerly eat the home-made bread n steamed vegetables just because he couldn't afford even subway.he made a mental note to not turn into a spoit brat this time around.he remembered,how after a particularly frustrating steam session,for the most part of which,he'd cried his heart out,stopping just one short of screaming,he'd donated his 1000-plus nike t-shirts(something he'd called a collection,since it contained many jerseys autographed by major sportmen),to the salvation army,and had been happier about it much later.

He put on a loose paul n shark tee,smiling again at his earlier nike loyalty,and walked down to his car again,only to find the fuel guage nearing zilch.he checked his other car,an accord,with the same result.he decided to walk,and took off at a brisk pace,reaching 5 gardens in record time.he still had trouble looking at any couple,imagining it was urja and the guttersnip she took off with.he finally chose a particularly deserted wooden fence,it being slightly broken.he smiled sadly at another memory of a bench at bandra where he and prabhjeet would sit,which would always be deserted since it had a leg less than the minimum 4 and which wobbled like hell.he had not loved prabhjeet all that much,but then,her memories were the most heart-wrenching,iespecially since she was no more,having been found dead,having overdosed on a lethal mix of alcohol and heavy prescription medicines.her last email was to urja,telling her how she had "stolen" her guy and how she'd never ever be happy and would eventually come to a point where she'd beg around for sanket's love but would never quite get it even if she physically held him captive.she'd railed on about how sanjit was wrong about her and how she never understood sanjit,,or could hope to.she had ended by cursing her once more that a prettier,smarter woman would steal him from her.strangely,urja,had lied about that mail too.she very much had it but of course, she wouldn't reveal it,and as it had turned out,she wasn't ever interested in sanjit.it churned his stomach to think back to the time when the cops had hauled him out of his house snd kept the interrogation on for 4 hours,contents of which always harped on how many times he'd "done" it with prabhjeet,asked in the most banal,third rate street talk,that'd shame the worst of gansters.the matter was compounded by the fact that prabhjeet committed suicide just a week after urja broke up with him.it was a gothic reminder of how one moment can ruin someone emotionally.

He thought of how prabhjeet was the only person in the world who thought him "cute".he was certainly decent looking,who often got a second look,and coupled with the fact that he was always well turned out,he cut a decent picture,but he never was "cute" material.for one,he was wide shouldered despite being short,and often,made no effort to hide the slight anomaly.then,he'd never quite made an effort cultivate a particular "look",focussing instead only on how strong he felt and the joy the act of gymming gave him caring jackshit about how he really looked.prabhjeet on the other hand,was inch taller than him,slim like athlete,dusky complexioned with decent brown-black hair which she wore short.she was never particularly credited with intelligence,but then,she probably wasn't fishing for compliments on that front.she was rather,keenly fashion conscious,and her collections would've put fashionistas to shame.yet,at the core of it she was a simple woman,and she knew it only too well,and that's where sanjit had come in.sanjit,though he put on act of being this oh-so-cool guy was someone who,a trained eye would,reveal was someone trying to cope with the changing times and being only half successful.he would attend college regularly,and though never known as either a "schollah" or a "flunkie",he held his own in a two subjects,topping consistently.but no one ever cut him slack for the fact,since not only did he not take notes,he chose to sleepwalk through lectures,often getting on teachers' nerves be y throwing in subtly veiled jokes for answers,when made to.no one took a liking to him.he was teetotaller,and it showed,he never had any "habits",didn't frequent pubs,so was out of the swish set of the college,and didn't really have many friends,preffering instead to hang out with two dopes,one practical joke obese guy called swapnasheel and a thin ,tall stubbled bloke called mehul who looked like something of cross between a heavy metal guitarist and a punk wannabe,both of whom never attended any lectures.the three would instead meet at the gym and their main activity was to check out one hotspot per week,the lesser frequency allowing them to manage their finances well,enough.

Prabhjeet had liked everything about him,and would be overly possessive around him,something that didn't put sanjit,off ,rather he quietly cherished it.they would spend long hours at malls,shopping like crazy or just window-gazing,and then work their way through long lunches,relishing each other' s company.he was now amazed when he realised that he didn't ever remember fighting with her.he never did check her phone,but that was because she'd told him everything,and he,her.he remembered how even shirts that were casually picked up by prabhjeet,would not only fit him well,but were ones he'd bill favorites.he'd once told her to not spend on him as much as she did,but she'd retort by asking him if he felt that it was ever going to come to a point where she'd regret it,and he'd had no answer to that.

He thought now of the three kit bags at his place,which he had taken pains to hide from his mother and sister,but which they'd finally found out,one containing gifts prabhjeet had given him,things,which he thought fondly,would far outvalue anything else he had,chief among them,a platinum chain which she'd really begged him to wear,at a time when she was wooing him back,while the other two contained things he hadn't yet given urja,when they'd broken up.the urja gifts were horribly expensive designer dresses which he'd planned on giving her all through the relationship,and now,in hindsight,he wondered how he'd let himself go ballistic over this woman.he would give her something or the other every damn day,to a point where during the later stages of their relationship he'd stopped caring for himself at all,his only concern,being her well-being.

According to trisha,that exactly was the factor which might've gone to her head,but sanjit knew otherwise.he knew it was his finances that were messed up with the it scrutiny he was in a while back and which though was the reason he got all of his father's wealth later on,had at first rendered him almost penniless,a period in which urja's mother had used to brand him a liar.

A very pretty fortyish woman playfully slapped his cheek to pull out of his reverie.that was suja,his shrink,who'd turned into his best friend post the urja affair.since urja had branded him a pshycotic and he'd been through multiple suicide attempt,he'd decided it best to hire a psychiatrist to see if the turmoil he'd been in would really be cured someday.surprisingly,her diagnosis had been that he was in perfect mental health,and there was nothing wrong with him.suja asked him like many others had if he was dating that pretty girl(trisha),and he'd playfully told her he was.after a few pleasantries,suja left him to his thoughts which now sauntered around a conversation he'd had with trisha a few days back.all this while,when the money had cleared,and he was busy investing the new found wealth,he hadn't time to check up on the one thing trisha kept ranting about.his profile on a social networking site..he'd abandoned his profile exactly three months after urja had left him,after seeing her add that guttersnip an pulling third rate tricks like listing her name as "uuurrjaa" and his as "ggggurrmukh" in a futile attempt to keep him from searching her profile.if he wound't hve been in the throes of the near insanity of loving her,he'd have laughed at her stupidity.

Still,urja had told bittu,according to trisha,that she had mailed him something where she'd listed the reasons for her 'decision",and to which ,according to the twit,he had reacted stupidly,closing the reply with a call to jesus.jesus!that was the fun part.the whole world knew sanjit arekar as a literal authority on the hindu religion and even the chiefs a very famous Hinduism community,had acknowledged him as a knowledgeable hindu and had offered him a job at the organisation.it was only now that it grated his nerves,while all this time,he'd just dismissed it as another of urja's eccentric rantings.

He sat there,his senses numbed by the cross thoughts and instead tried thinking of trisha.at first trisha had come across as an even more uptight woman than prabhjeet had but he had gradually warmed to her.he'd always felt like the odd man out when the four of them,that is he,Rahul,her beau,and prabhjeet would double-date.sjit since he was more than up-to-date with pop-culture,he held his own,but he didn't even own a car back then,his father being strictly against a show of wealth,and often felt himself painfully left out when the converstaions veered towards plush flats,properties etc.rahul,was in a sense an anti-thesis of everything sanjit stood for.he wan;t at all well-read,had the attention span of a ten-year old,which incapacitated him to even sit through a two-hour movie.all he probably had going for him was his looks,which as sanjit put it,were a cross between matthew mccaugnhey and Antonio sabato jr,with lustrous hair that was perpetually shampooed,and well maintained.sanjit would later admit to even being jealous of his looks but then,trisha knew he said it only to please her.t had really looked too good to be true.their union,two very beautiful people,the kind people stare at unhindered.till the time Rahul had met with a freak skateboarding accident,jumping right into a speeding car,and died on the spot.trisha was of course inconsolable.she feigned an act of coming to terms with the tragedy,tried going to the salon to fix what were now perpetual circles around her eyes,tried to take care of herself by indulging in her culinary tastes but only ended up putting on weight.

It was only sanjit's brilliant handling of the situation that saved the day for her.sanjit,despite being caught in the crossfire between urja and prabhjeet,would often leave some well-worded message on her account on a social networking site.she'd message for the heck of it,intitially,but then before she realised what he was doing he'd gotten her into a routine.he'd often leave links of discussions he'd had with his online friends on some forum over some new metal band or some track or book on her page and she gradually got down to reading them.intially she'd just read the comments,but the sanjit had surreptiously placed only those facets of pop-culture which he knew she'd love.she remembered how she'd been intrigued by the introduction to niffenegger's classic "the time traveller's wife",and knew she just had to read it.she'd read what was listed and soon began participating in the online debates,under an acronym and beganlooking forward to them.he'd done the same with the new heavy metal band "as I lay dying" and some earlier work by the heavy metal bands lacuna coil,mastodon,epica,and nightwish.again,she'd asked sanjit for the music,listened to it with a discerning ear and given an earful about the bands' correct sound to the online hangers-on.before she knew it sanjit had taken her through a year without Rahul where she'd only mildly felt the tremors of the after effects of bereavement and all this without ever meeting her more than once a month.she now remembered fondly how when she'd decided to take care of avnisha only adopt her,sanjit was the only person who'd supported her.by then sanjit was thrown into personal hell with the double tragedy.

Meanwhile sanjit was still grappling with the delicate issue of his online profile.should he make a new one?..he was sure his old profile had been de-activated due to non-usage by now.trisha allowed him free reign to use her profile but he'd never quite gotten around to it.he was instead still reeling from the lies urja had put forth to anyone who'd cared to listen that she didn't like his addiction to sex.bittu had been very forthcoming about it.and that's what hurt him.in fact,he pondered,he'd never forced himself on urja.he'd taken her to the plushest of places,the best hang-out spots,the best restaurants,always showing her a good time,and it was never about cuddling around like teenagers.

He thought of the mails urja had sent trisha.he'd never read the mails.never.he didn't have the fortitude required to read her ramblings over and over again.but trisha had told him she'd accused him of calling her a hooker.which again,he didn't remember.

He wondered if somehow he'd been drugged.life wasn't a breeze even with the influx of money.in fact the money brought with it,troubles of a different kind.he'd forcibly settled a couple of lawsuits and no one was happy.he'd gotten his mother and sister out of trouble but his work was far from over.a lot of his dad's property was still encroached upon by silly gansters hiding under the inadequate property laws.his mother had insisted that she wanted every last penny wrenched from those "hoodlums".he wondered if there'd ever come a day where he could get up late,and just waste time.he'd rediscovered his gymming,but rarely ever got time for a three-hour session.he was sad,but as he pondered now,it was almost his own doing.he remembered how just a month ago,he'd prayed that he'd handle every problem,if only he had some money.and as the saying goes,he wasn't careful what he was wishing for.

He walked back home.trying to wear himself out mentally,he decided to work on his blog.and then all of a sudden he decided to create a new profile.he logged in through trisha's profile and just as he was about to search for his own profile,he saw a mail trisha had sent to mehul and asked him to send it to urja.

:--one defunct profile.+

One voice converter.+

One foolish woman.+

Her sex-crazy lover.= =one happy camper.

Hell,he thought.hell.it hit him like a bolt of lightning.what was happnening here.he knew he didn't have the guts to confront trisha.she'd break down and what could be described a s a dam that had walled in the turmoil of the past two years would come rushing out.his mind took him back to yet another time when something of a similar nature had left dumbfounded.but he was now confounded.just befuddled to a point where he just didn't know what to think.he thought he had to get through to urja.but would she believe him?..could a woman who'd purposely let him listen to herself having sex with another guy care how it was that she was rid of him.or worse,what if she herself was complicit with the whole issue.what if she knew she was played around with and played along.as it is,she was an expert at playing dumb.he thought back on the two and a half years that hadn't exactly zipped by.he shuddered at the thought of interacting with her mother.and then again,he was flooded with thoughts over whether it wasn't a game urja's parents were playing with him.maybe they knew all along.maybe it was a trick.hedesperately wanted to talk to her but….

He knew it was futile.if she had an iota of any honesty in her,she wouldn't have turned herself into theshameless whore that she had.she had never been the woman she portrayed herself to be.he had seen traces of the kind of person she was in the fact that she was okay with what she called group picnics but what he'd really known were actually orgies,which a guy from the police had told him about.

he'd fight with her over it but apparently she was a hippie in disguise.

"please don't get yourself all worked up over that downmarket whore,by now she's probably made her business official" -read a message that had just beeped in.that was one more thing that he'd not quite gotten used to.from the time prabhjeet was around,she and trisha would often refer to urja as whore,bitch,tawaif.he didn't like it.and even though urja's actions over the past year all but proved those tags as apt,he somehow couldn't manage to curse her.meanwhile,the train of his thoughts never stopped.he wondered if there was atleast an outside chance,urja didn't know what was on?.but he dismissed the possibility as soon as he'd thought of it.

Did he still love her?.he'd deliberately avoided asking himself that question.especially since he'd long since decided that he'd erred with her like he hadn't ever erred before, which was really saying something for someone who'd erred way too many times,and had lived the better part of his life paying for those mistakes.it still would've hurt him less if she hadn't done it so banally,but then,as he'd tragically realised,she hadn't ever loved him at all.she was always in a bloody stupor where she wanted a particular type of a guy(slim,tall,rich,and it's a different thing that her definition of handsome was a little too accommodating)and she needled him worse than anything to ,in her own words,thin down.as a very profilic gymmer,he'd never really had to use any supplements,but she made him go down the very road he'd abhorred,making him experiment with aveons,hydroxicut,astrophex,and a plethora of semi-steroids that ruined his body.all she'd ever wanted,was girls to envy her.again,he now smiled sadly,at the memory,the guys she'd really liked,sanjit dumbre,her not so-silent admirer and the dope she liked now,were actually as far away from that pre-requisite as bieber is to cut a metal record.

He threw away his phone in disgust,that being the only article available at that particular point of time.that was what he was like.very temperamental,but of course that was an off-shoot of being a very passionate person,as he loved to call himself.he'd probably done this a dozen times much to his late father's disgust.now,as he pondered over what course of action to take,he lied down quietly on the floor,like he always did.

He knew only too well,that urja would dismiss this whole thing as a lie.like she always had.maybe,he thought,it was an off-shoot of being a liar herself,she'd lied through her teeth about the men in her life,her very liberated sexuality,her parentage(she was actual ly adopted) all the way down to her pop-culture preferences.and what if she was part of this game.what if she knew all through.what if she'd been seeing that guy on the sly for ages and the trouble he'd been through before his money cleared was her doing,because,as he realised with horror,she'd always expressed concern,even when things were great that his temperamentality would induce some action that would haunt her wherever she'd go.yes,it was beginning to fit together.he knew trisha was actually right about her.

"If Only",he thought,"she would understand me".there were large periods of time,when he,sanjit arekar,had actually come to terms with the situation as much as was humanly possible and had realised that if cash was critical to her interests,she'd not really consider coming back.but,..but,he thought "through all this,all she could've said was "hey,I still love you…but circumstances can't be conducive to our union,ever,and I have the added responsibility of meeting my uptight parents expectations"..and he knew all too well,that that'd keep him going for a while.a long while.yes,intrinsically,he was that simple.like prabhjeet,he too if nothing else,was one hundred percent sure of exactly who he was and what he wanted.his only argument was"she shouldn't have at the very least laughed out aloud when news of his suicide attempt was relayed to her by trisha.

It saddened him even more to think that he had been royally cheated.she had never never been in love with him.then what was it for?..the restaurants,and hotspots?.the gifts?.."guess so" he thought as he shed another tear."I mustn't think of her,in any case she doesn't deserve it"he thought as he shed another tear.he felt like just pulling out his dad's glock which he'd finally acquired and shooting her.but,he realised grimly "a few tears and he'd melt and let her go,after which she'd return to some ass-wipe she'd liked and he'd be left where he was".he felt ,he'd spit in his own face if it was possible,and wouldn't sound so comic.

He checked the clock.2.30.a.m.he sighed hard.here he was,in a quandary that'd had him worked up like anything,a quandary he'd been in so many times over the past two years,long nights spent alone,walking the town till his shins were hurt swollen from the constant pounding,prowling online,trying to find a friend who would lend him a shoulder to cry,finding none.sad.he pitied himself.

And he now hated her.he knew he didn't maybe want her back.she was a nuisance,a nasty joke god played on the people around her,most notably,him.a disruptive influence on him.her entry into her life was marked by him losing two people who'd cared for him like none of the living did.and for the entire duration of the relationship,she had messed him up completely,mentally,physically.

To avoid answering his conscience whether or not he really loved her,he tried twisting the question one eighty degrees.did she love him? The answer would ofcourse be a resounding "no" which would like it had many times ago,make him sad…

He checked the clock.2.45."hell,just 15 minutes,heaven help me ,I really don't want to go there again" .

There was actually another thing he'd feared.that contacting her would give a chance to go to the police.the police had actually helped him in many ways in the past two years but he'd long since given up trying to negotiate with them and there had been some uncomfortable scenes too,since different officers came with different agendas,and he'd been sick dealing with them.who knows" he thought,maybe that guy she was with was lying in wait for him to commit just such a mistake.that really would prove him a dope in front of an audience.

Something similar had happned just when he'd started courting her when a bunch of guys who'd worked at her old office,had unnescecarily created a fake character to raise a false issue and literally harangued him.and he remembered it correctly,she had supported them and not him.what's more is,she had actually admitted to bittu,according to grusha,that she had a thing for that guy sanjit dumbre.

He'd thought about it well enough.no,it won't do any good to contact her.what would it yield.a woman whose philosophy of life centered around money and having a good time.who had no morality to speak of.whose genealogy was a joke.who never quite loved him.why? why get into trouble..he didn't need the problems.and heaven knew this woman was a like s/w program with built-in errors.

"gawrsh",he thought,"gawrsh".

Everything ran through his mind in a constant cacophony of sights and sounds,now blurred,now crystal clear.he wished he could just leave her be.just walk off from it all.what did she know about love anyway?..

To be continued….





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