Over the short course of my life, my idea of love has changed. In this writing I will try to express the reasons it had changed. May this open someones heart and mind.
For a long time I believed that love was just an illusion. I believed that man used the word love to try to justify certain emotions that were selfish in nature. Emotions like infatuation, and self worth. When people made statements like " I just can't let him or her go, I love them," I saw that as selfishness, that person just did not want someone else to have, the "love", that they believed they could receive form that person. I believed that people misunderstood feelings like desire, lust, greediness, and territorial as love.
The same idea pertained towards mothers and fathers. When I would see a parent embracing a child, or fighting for the child, whether it be to protect or to acquire a child, where others claimed to see a demonstration of love, I saw just the basic need for them to fulfill a instance of self worth. I believed that the child made them feel important, gave them identity and purpose. Furthermore I believed that when a parent lost a child, whether through death or not having possession of, it in some way destroyed them because they no longer were number one in some body's world and life. The parent or parents were forced to become a nobody in a world that truly did not care who somebody was, but who they are. There is no title greater in this world than the title of mother of father. I believed that the power that came a long with the title of a parent was addictive. To be the authority, to be depended on, to the sole source for comfort is the only desire that people pursue, and the loss of that power meant failure.
At some point in time my idea changed, I started to believe that love was a real thing and just maybe I did not love. I would see selfless acts of good will and would wonder how a person or persons could do them in the name of love. I learned that love was not selfish, judgemental, held a grudge, jealous, contained hate or gave up. I also started to think that love contained all of those traits and if anyone of them were missing then so was love. Since I had never felt all of those traits at once, I must have never loved anything. If I had never loved then what was wrong with me? Why can I not love? I began to believe that I did not love anything, not my mother, cousins, children, animals life and God. So many times in the Bible it is written that we are to love God, how can one like myself love what I can not feel or see, when I could not love who or what I can see?
After wondering about how love had escaped me, I then started to look in the Bible for what love was and how to love. While reading I started to see that at times God Himself hated things, like the worship of false gods, that God would become angry, judgemental, jealous, and that everything in existence was for His glory. Then I read that God is love. Well spin me around and call me dizzy! Understand this, for me , the existence of God is not a question, to many things have happened to me and my friend for there not to be a God. Now i had a new problem, who really is God. Is God the God of Israel, Islam, Christianity, or the God of the Native Americans? I prayed and asked God to show me who He is and what love is. I got my answer.
My answer came in the form of the Bible code. One day I was watching T.V. and a program came on about how to do and understand what the bible code is. After watching the program, I grabbed my girlfriend's bible and opened to the first chapter of Genesis and began to write down every seventh letter in the "New international Version". I then put twenty-one letters across and twenty-one lines down. Then I circled the words I saw like a jig saw pizzle. The only things I got was "do by tens to get full meaning", and "leg cursed". I was excited and afraid at the same time. The reason was not the "do by tens.." part, but the cursed leg part, because I was born with a club foot, and had gone throu seven operations just so I could walk. I was afraid because I was not sure if I wanted to know how God really felt about me. I did not know if God loved me or if He had already decided that I was hell bound. I mean, to see cursed in a phrase that seemed to be about myself, it makes you wonder how else are you cursed. Not to mention that I have done a lot of bad things in my life.
So I made up my mind that i would try to find out if God had a message for me in the bible using the bible code. Befor I began, I prayed and asked God to reveal a couple of things to me. The first question was what is my purpose in life? The second was how am I differant or speical, and the third was who is Jesus. What i got was a message that changed my life. First I got"Fore it is to love me" second was "eyes see me" and the third was " one son". Now I knew that Jesus is the son of God, and I had heard the message that Christians teach, but in searching for what it means to love I had not found the answer. What I did find was that there is a God who wanted me to love Him and probably cursed me because He knows I don't. I then started to go to church, but would be come discouraged when I would hear people saying they loved God and Jesus with all of their hearts. I found that alot of the time that when I would the bible I received differant messages then what I heard from preachers. I decided that I would serve God and read His word. The more I read the more I started to learn what love is.
My final conclusion as to what is means to truly love is that love is a choice, and an action. To love and to show love is to chose to demonstrate love through actions. Just as to demonstrate anger or hate, one engages in actions that are understood as anger and hate, regardless of the emotional state one is in or feeling. For example, one can feel angry towards a child for disobedience, and hits the child out of that anger then anger is demonstrated. The same with love, as in if the child is disciplined and informed of why they are being disciplined, then love is demonstrated because the child's well being is the motivation for the discipline. For example, if a child steals and you discipline them because his or her actions can begin to lead them down a path that can and will be harmful and destructive to themselves and others, then love has been demonstrated.
I also came to realize that everybody loves something. Some people take actions for or against others for a variety of things, and love somethings more then others, such as money over people, pain over happiness, relaxation over work, the rich over the poor, other people's fear over respect, the world over God, leadership over servitude, etc. After reading so much of the Bible I learned that God chose to love us, and demonstrated and demonstrates that He loves us, mainly by chosing to let us chose if we love and what and who we love. By demonstrating and chosing what and who we love we actually chose if we love God or not. Loving God means to do what God says He understands as a demonstration of love towards His. Things like Helping and caring for others, trying to follow the Ten Commandments, trusting in Jesus, and caring about how God sees us, feels about us, and what He wants us to do are demonstrations of love to God. Again LOVE IS LOVE DEMONSTRATED BY ACTIONS IN LOVE