Hello, and welcome to the New World. My name is Harlem Craig, and I'll be your tour guide this evening. We are going to start our tour and follow Celia Dupoint around for a few hours.
Just look at her. How exactly do you get better looking than her? For a hundred years old, she sure doesn't look a day over fifteen. Oh, you say twelve? I'd say twelve, but it pisses her off. I mean look at her. She's whiter than the walls in my room, but she can still pull off hair that black. And gee, what a retro look? Shoulder length and curled-- classic. This girl is full of class. And damn, her eyes are bluer than the sky.
Oh look, she's looking our way.
"Harlem, why are you following me? You're supposed to be cleaning up back at the Big House, too, are you not?"
"Yeah, sorry Your Royalness! I'll be back in a few hours! Just giving someone a tour of the New World."
"Whatever, just hurry back. We have a broadcast tonight and I don't want you to jack it up because you are having trouble with the space-time continuum."
And... she's off. Oh look, there I am by her side! I forgot to mention I'm her right hand in command. Also forgot to mention I can be in two places at once. Gee, what a great ruler we got, don't you think? Does her voice not remind you of chocolate?
Ugh, sorry about the weather. You'll find out it's always raining in the New World. Let me just get you an umbr-- There ya go! Oh look, There's Celia again.
What's she doing? Well, she's preparing for a broadcast. Ya see, that big silver thing that's she's wiping down is what she uses for executions If you aren't fond of live executions, I guess the New World isn't for you, but let's just get back to the tour.
What? What's she wiping it down in? Oh, that is poison, to make sure the person really dies. She loves a good death. I think we all do, or maybe just me and her. Yeah, Celia and I. Damn, I'd like to kiss her, but hey, I get to every night, so I'm all good. What do you mean "That's gross?" Just because she looks twelve doesn't mean she's twelve. How does she keep so young? Oh honey, that's a secret. You're pretty good looking yourself. I could strike a deal with you.
Why are my eyes glowing? What do you mean? My eyes are the same as they were thirteen minutes ago when se sta-- How do I know the exact time? Stop asking me questions and just enjoy the tour.
Oh look, it's broadcast time. Ha, we better tune in, or you'll be the next person we-- she executes.
"Bonjour!" she says, prancing onto the stage. Where did I go? Look on the screen, dummy.
"How's it going in the New World? Ready for some executions? First off, Russ Dean! Second off, Eric Canter! Third off, you!"
What, you're wondering why she wants to execute you? Well, Darling, you really thought you could look away from that screen? Babe, a flower isn't more important than Celia. Nothing is!
What, you're trying to get away from the New World Now? Hate to break it to ya, but you can't just up and leave. You're stuck here now, or, maybe in Hell. I mean, you are about to be exe-- Oh! There goes your head. Isn't the New World just delicious?
I'm not going to wait for an answer seeing as you're already dead.
I take a walk back to my sweet Celia's side. "That was a good broadcast, Your Royalness."
"I know it was, Harlem. I can't wait for next week."
So Welcome! Welcome to the New World! Follow me as I follow a few teenagers that think they can overrule Celia, your dictator! You'll see who always wins in this case. Good luck and welcome!