10 years earlier
"Mommy, don't leave." I begged as my mother walked out the front door with her suit case. My father sat in the corner drinking heavily as he watched her leave. I chased after her into the street screaming her name as she got into the taxi. She never glanced back; not even once, my last glimpse of my mother was her blonde hair swaying as she walked further and further away from me. I curled into a ball, crying for hours. I felt like there was a part of me missing, like I wasn't complete anymore. My mom, the person that was supposed to love me most, left me. That's when I started learning the true feeling of hatred.
After my mother left, everyday my father would get drunk and take his anger out on me. He would blame me for her absence, and would beat me daily. After enduring three years of this, he finally tried to kill me, but he was too intoxicated and I ended up killing him instead. When the police found me, they sent me to a child therapist who claimed I was certifiably insane and shipped me off to a mental hospital. I was nine when this happened.
After six months of being kept in isolation a man named Travis Murin came and visited me. He was a known mobster in the Chicago area, and he offered me my freedom, if I chose to work for him. I agreed and he freed me. I didn't truly understand what he would want with me. But after a while I finally understood. He wanted me because I became a killer at such a young age, that I was heartless enough to kill someone without having any regrets.
He wanted me because I was a monster. A monster that he could mold into the perfect weapon for his own personal gain. I went through four intense years of training, and became an assassin for his organization, Pandemonium. I ruthlessly killed anyone that tried to get in their way to the top, and was feared by many. This is how I received the name Azrael, the angel of death.
"Who's this?" Ivan asked, gesturing towards me.
" Azrael, of course." Travis said laughing as he sat down comfortably at the head of the table.
"B-but she's a...girl." he said lamely.
"Are you expecting us to believe that one girl killed all those people?" Michael asked dumbfounded.
Travis just smiled and waved me over. Without hesitation I went to stand by my masters side. He softly touched the white mask that covered my face, and then traced the red swirls that started at the eye and went down to the cheek. Finally he turned towards the group of mobsters he gathered here.
"Believe what you want, but we have other matters to discuss. "
"Is it about the Klovtiin family?" Frank asked.
"Yes, they shot several of our men in attempt to steal our cargo." Travis said clenching his fists.
"Then we should retaliate." One of the other men said stupidly.
"Obviously," Travis said rolling his eyes, "I asked you here so we could come up with a course of action."
"Just send her out." Ivan said staring at me.
"Yes, but we need to do something else. We can't have people underestimating us." Travis said sighing.
"Why not kill his family too, we can let him suffer a while before putting him out of his misery." Michael suggested.
"Or we can kill all the men that were involved in the incident leading up to Mr. Klovtiin, Father. But before we actually kill him; we can slaughter his entire family in front of him, having him beg for his death like the dog he is." Alexei said laughing .
I glanced over to see him leaning into the doorway, staring at Travis with a weird intensity. Travis nodded, approvingly and went on with the plan. I tuned him out and stared at Alexei, he was Travis's only son. He was tall, with pale colorless skin. He had spiky black hair, and catlike green eyes. For some reason those eyes...remind me of something, but I can never think of what. His gaze met mine and he smiled mischievously.
"I personally volunteer to help Azrael with the job." Alexei said walking over to me and draping his arm around my shoulder.
"Knock yourself out, but make sure you keep up with her." Travis said glancing over at us.
"Cool, let's go." Alexei said grabbing my wrist and pulling me out the door. I sighed, and awkwardly followed him outside.
"You realize we don't even know who we need to go after right?" I said pulling away as we walked into the empty street.
"Aw, come on sis, it's going to take them a while to figure out who was all involved, so why not have a little fun before we work? And you really shouldn't hide your beautiful face under that mask." He teased. I glared at him and took off the mask.
"I'm not your sister." I said clenching my fists, but his only reaction was a shrug of the shoulders.
"That's not what the rest of the world thinks-"
"Yeah, well whatever." I said staring at the ground as we continued to walk.
"Too bad that they think that, I would rather them know you as my girlfriend." He said laughing.
"Let's play a game." I said suddenly.
"What game would that be?"
"The demon game." I said glancing at him.
"And how do you play this game?"
"It's simple really; the demon chases its prey and kills it," I said turning towards him smiling, "I'm always the demon, and I always win." He laughed and grabbed my arm.
"Oh, could you really kill your big brother?" He said winking.
I sighed, he always teases me about being his sister. After my training was complete, Travis introduced me to the world as his daughter, Kira. What people don't know is I'm the one responsible for the sudden deaths that has been happening for the past two years. I'm fifteen now, and Alexei is seventeen. He was trained just like I was, he was trained to be a monster. He suddenly let go of my arm and answered his phone. He listened for a moment, then shut it off. He turned toward me with a slight smirk on his face.
"We have our first target."
"Who is it?"
"Kenton Bradbury. But let's make this interesting." He said grinning.
"And how would we do that?"
"Let's make a game out of it, whoever kills him first wins." His green eyes light up when he started speaking.
"What does the winner get?" I asked out of curiosity.
"Hmm, if I win I want a kiss from you." He said grabbing my chin.
"And what would I get when I win?" I said smiling.
"I'll stop teasing you for a whole day."
"How about you won't talk to me for a day."
"Oh you're so on little sis." He said leaning forward. His mouth nearly touched mine until he suddenly turned my face away from his and softly kissed me on my cheek.
"Next time I'll see you, I won't just kiss you on the cheek." He said winking and putting on his mask. His mask was like mine, it was a full faced white mask, but instead of red swirls he had a blue lightning bolt that went across his. My lips tugged upwards, and I put my own mask.
"Let the game begin."
Target confirmed, I thought as my gazed locked with Kenton's. He was a high school dropout, age 16. I took off my mask and smiled at his terrified face. I pointed my gun at his forehead. Tears streamed down his face as I clicked off the safety
"Please...please don't kill me." He said shaking, I started laughing and he flinched.
"This is what you get for betraying Pandemonium." I said, getting ready to pull the trigger, but before I got the chance something slammed into my side, I stumbled and almost lost my balance. I turned and pointed my gun at the intruder, and of course it was Alexei. He smiled and pointed his gun at me.
"Drop your weapon."
"Okay." I said grinning.
I set down the weapon, but grabbed a knife from my boot and threw it at his head. He barely dodged it, and before he knew it I already jumped on top on him, pinning him to the ground. I pressed my forearm against his throat, momentarily suffocating him. I grabbed the gun that Alexei had earlier and shot Kenton point blank in the forehead. I got up and smiled.
"Pretty impressive," He said nodding, "You know I remember when you first came, and you were scared to even pick up a gun." I frowned slightly.
"I-I don't remember." I said glancing away.
"Well it doesn't matter anymore, you're strong now and that's all that matters."
"Yeah...I guess so."
I don't remember a lot about the life I had before I actually started working for Travis, but I guess it doesn't matter. But I have this nagging feeling like I'm forgetting something important....someone important. It's better this way...right? If I were unable to perform my duties as a worker for Pandemonium they would kill me. But would that really be a bad thing? If they killed me they would just be erasing another monster in this world. Wouldn't that be a good thing? I mean what's so good about a person that lives for taking the lives of other people?
"Kira...hey were home." Alexei said shaking my shoulders.
"Huh, oh yeah." I said snapping out of my thoughts. What does it matter if I'm a monster or not, I just have to do what I have to survive. But why do I need to survive again?
"You looked deep in thought, were you think about how you were going to confess your love for me?" He said laughing.
How unusual, I didn't even realized that the car stopped in front of the house. I got out of the car quickly and started walking up the long drive way. Alexei grabbed my hand and turned me so I was facing him.
"Is something wrong?" Alexei asked leaning forward. His eyes were a beautiful light green...almost like the color of green tea. I couldn't stop staring at them, they were just so intoxicating.
"No, I'm fine," I said faking a smile, "Let's go on inside, okay?" He nodded and we walked into the house. We didn't talk after that and I just went into my room.
It's amazing how I easily I can fake a laugh and a smile now a days. I remember when I was younger I could never even tell the tiniest little white lie. Where did that come from? I shook my head, trying to forget the past. Just forget about the past and look forward to the future. But what does the future hold? Me killing more and more people, staining my hands with crimson blood? I sighed and rolled over onto my back.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I guess I should stop thinking about that. But really, what else is there to think about? The past, the past in which I killed my father? My father....he tried to kill me. I still remember that look he had in his eyes...this sort of crazed desperate look in his brown eyes as he walked toward me with the kitchen knife in his hand. I clenched my fists as the memory came back to me.
"Dad, dad what are you doing." I asked, backing away as he came closer to me holding the knife in one hand and a bottle in the other. His dark brown eyes were wide open and he threw the bottle at my head, I ducked, but some of the shattered glass cut my face.
"Maybe, just maybe if I get rid of you she'll come back. I m-mean she has to right? You're the reason she left." He gripped the knife tighter and slowly walked towards me, he stumbled slightly but regained his balance and continued to pursue me.
"Nathaniel help me!" I shouted.
Mommy, I'm scared, what do I do? Nathaniel...help...you promised you would always protect me right, please save me...I don't want to die. I cried softly and continue to back away from him. My back bumped the wall. I turned slightly and realized I trapped myself in a corner. He grinned and lifted up the knife, before I even knew what I was doing I ran up to him a pushed him. In the drunken state he was he lost his balance easily and fell backwards. He dropped the knife and I grabbed it. Just like you told me Nathaniel, we might get to become a family after all...just like you promised.
Before I realized it dad had already gotten up and grabbed my neck. He started choking me...slowly suffocating me to death. He forced me down onto my knees, I started seeing black dots...I was losing consciousness...but what do I do? The knife...I still have the knife, I thought suddenly. I raised it slightly ready to stab him but I hesitated. Could I really stab him...he's my dad? The black dots started getting bigger and bigger. I have to make a choice my life, or his. I chose mine. I stabbed him, and stabbed him. I didn't stop I couldn't stop. All I knew was that I had to survive.
When I finally realized he was dead his blood was everywhere. I was shaking and crying, that was the moment the police broke down my door and flooded into my living room. But I barely noticed, I couldn't stop staring at dad...he was...dead because of me...I killed him. I looked down at my hands...they were red...daddy's blood is on my hands. I started laughing. It's a dream right, daddy's still alive, right? Tears started pouring down my cheeks as I continued to laugh. It was a scary sound...
"What happened here, what's your name?" A police officer said shaking my shoulders.
They took me away after that, yeah that's right, then they sent me to a therapist...and that therapist sent me to the mental hospital. They kept me in isolation for six straight months. They drugged me up so much that I barely understood what was going on. I don't really remember much about my time there, all I remember is that I kept screaming for Nathaniel....but who's that? Didn't I also call out for him right before dad attacked me too?
Nathaniel...who are you? Why did I call out for you? You have to be someone important right? There must've been a reason I called out for you, do I love you, do you actually love me? I started laughing hysterically at the thought of someone loving me. Like anyone could love me, I'm a monster remember. Kill or be killed, rule number four.
I stood up and shook my head. I doesn't matter who Nathaniel is, he can't be that important if I can't even remember him. I walked over to the mirror and stared at my reflection. It's funny how looks are so deceiving. When you look at me all you see is a pretty girl with a innocent face. I had thick dark brown wavy hair with longer front bangs. I was pale, with large reddish brown eyes. I had long dark eye lashes, with a small nose and pink lips. I smiled into the mirror.
Who could of guess that behind the pretty features was a psychopath. I laughed harder. You know all killers are psychopaths, but not all psychopaths are killers. I guess I'm just special.
I really went overboard this time, huh, I thought as I sat up slowly. I winced when a sharp pain shot through my head.
"Are you okay, Azrael." Travis said leaning over me.
"Y-yes master." I said staring my hands. He wrapped his arms around me.
"Call me father," He said laughing, "I am the one that created you Azrael, you know that."
"Yes, father." He laughed louder.
"Yes just like that! Remember that for now on, you are mine after all." He said smiling.
He looks a lot like Alexei, I thought suddenly. They both had the same jet black hair, and green tea eyes. But Travis was tanner, and shorter too.
"And no one can ever take you away from me, my angel." He said tucking my hair behind my ears. The door started opening and Alexei walked in.
"Hey there sleeping beauty." He said smirking slightly.
"Good you're here. I need you to take out the last round of Klovtiin underlings. They're doing a transaction tonight. Kill them all." Travis said turning towards Alexei.
"Okay, what about Kira, will she be joining me?"
"Yes, " He said glancing at his watch, "I need to go, watch her." He left after that and Alexei sat at the edge of the bed.
"You were asleep for three days." He said studying her.
"Oh, I must've been really tired." I said tracing the scar on my right palm.
"Did you have another episode," He said leaning forward, "If you did you need to tell the doctors. Maybe we can put you on medicine."
"No!" I said standing up suddenly.
"I don't want to be drugged up anymore! I want to actually remember my past." I started pacing and nibbling on my nails. He jumped up and grabbed my shoulders.
"Why? What's the point? Your mother left you! You killed your own father! Why would you possibly want to remember that?" He said shaking my shoulders.
"I don't know, okay! All I know is that I have to remember something important."
"Why am I not enough? How much more do I have to love you for it to be enough?" He wrapped his arms around me, he's shaking, I thought numbly. I pushed him away and walked to the other side of the room.
"Don't say something you don't mean, or I might just end up believing it." I said staring at the ground.
"But I do." He said with an almost hurt expression in his face.
"Shut up." I said glaring at him, "Get out."
"Fine, I'll see you tonight, sis." He said storming out of my room and slamming my door shut.
Stupid, like anyone could love me. I took a deep breath, I need to calm down or I'll go into another episode. I feel like I'm walking on the edge of sanity, and one day I'll completely fall off. That one day I'll completely lose myself. But who am I truly? Adrianna Katherine Hart, the little girl that was abandoned by her mother, that was attacked by her father? The one that was beaten bloody, locked in closets? The nine year old girl that was drugged and isolated from the world? Or am I the intelligent daughter of a mob boss, Kira Elya Murin, that attends Push ridge academy with a 5.0 GPA. Or am I actually Azrael, the ruthless killer that brings death upon anyone that threatens Pandemonium's existence.
I wonder which one that Alexei supposedly loves, I thought sarcastically. Apparently there are several to chose from. But I feel like when I put on that mask, I turn into someone different , that it's not me really killing them. Almost like I'm just observing as someone else pulls that trigger. I guess that sounds crazy though. Whatever, I thought staring at my scar. I've had the scar on my right palm since the mental hospital. It was a long deliberate cut that was made by a blade. For some reason whenever I feel like I'm barley hanging onto my sanity, all I have to do is take a deep breath and stare at my palm. Then I'll slowly calm down.
If only I could remember...
Don't say something you don't mean, or I might just end up believing it. I can't believe she said that to me, I thought frowning. But do I truly love her? Or is she just a toy that I like to play with? Do I just want her because he wants her. Because she's the one that he loves...because he chose her instead of his own kid brother? I still remember the day I followed him in town and met up with her six years ago.
He was smiled and grabbed a knife from his bag and winced as he cut his left palm. He asked her something, and she reluctantly nodded. He cut her right palm and they held hands, freely letting the blood mix together.
"See, we have each other's blood, now we can be a family. We don't need anyone else, just you and me forever, okay?" He said smiling.
I felt my heart break at that moment. I was eleven when my brother ran away from home, ran away to be with her. But things didn't go as planned, huh big brother? She killed her father. She's one of us now, I thought smiling. She's mine.
Do you hear me Nathaniel, she's mine now.
I walked in during the transaction. There were about twelve men in all. I smiled at their shocked faces, but of course they couldn't see that. I pulled out two guns, one in each hand and started shooting. Several fell to the ground dead before everyone actually realized what was going on. That's when they started shooting at me, but I was too fast. They were all dead in moments.
"What an easy job." I muttered under my breath. I turned around and realized Alexei wasn't there. I walked out of the building and found him outside smoking.
"What are you doing?" I asked slightly annoyed.
"Smoking, I would offer you one, but you're still a kid." He said glancing up at me.
"A kid?" I said softly.
"Yeah...a kid." He said staring at the brick wall.
"What does that make you?" I asked.
"Nothing, I'm nothing." He said standing up.
"Nothing..." I murmured.
"Are you up for another job?" He asked glancing at me. His eyes...looked clouded with anger and hatred. I wonder what happened...
"Are we taking Klovtiin and his family out tonight?"
"No, but before we go has father ever told you about Luka?"
"Luka? No, who is that."
"I'll explain on the car ride over there." He said getting into the car, I nodded and followed his lead.
"Who's Luka?" I asked glancing at him.
"My older brother. " He said grinding his teeth.
"Brother? I thought you were an only child! Where is he?"
"He ran away when he was thirteen and when I was eleven. He had already gone through his training, and started to train me, but then he started to go off on his own a lot, and one day he killed several of our own men when they were making a deal and stole over seven million," He said clenching the driving wheel, "We searched for him for over a year, but we never found him."
"Why are you telling me now?"
"Well...father thinks he's the one responsible for some of the killings that have been going on lately. Father also wants you to find him."
"Me? Why I never even met the guy." I said looking out the window.
"Yes you have, he went by a different name though. You two were actually quite close."
"What name did he go by?" I asked clenching my right hand.
"Nathaniel...he went by the name Nathaniel." He said glancing at me with a neutral expression.
"Nathaniel...?" Nathaniel...as the Nathaniel that I called out before I was attacked? But...I don't remember anything about him. I don't even know him, I mean it's not possible. It can't be possible.
"You don't remember?" He said with a slight smirk on his face.
"No." I said looking down at my hands.
"Apparently you two visited each other every day for two years, you were planning on running away with him to become a 'new' family."
"A family?" When I was younger all I ever longed for was a family...a real family. But I can't remember. Why can't I remember?
"Yes, and your job is to track him down and kill him."
Kill Nathaniel? NO, he's my family, my real family. I can't kill him, I love him, he promised he would always protect me. He said we would be together forever and we would never need anyone else besides each other. A small childish voice said in my head.
Oh really? If he promised you that you guys would be together forever, then where is he exactly? And if he promised you that he would always protect you, then why didn't he come and rescue us? I thought.
"Will you be able to do that?"
"No problem," I said clenching my hands, "No problem at all."
"This is the believed suspect." Travis said handing me a photo. I couldn't stop staring at it. It was an 18 or 19 year old boy. He had golden blond hair that looked like it was styled to look slightly messy, he had pale skin, and...green tea eyes, just like Travis and Alexei. How arrogant, I thought when I noticed he looked directly at the security camera and smiled. Yeah, he's related to Alexei all right. I thought glancing at him; he was staring over my shoulder looking at the photo with mild interest.
"Are you sure you want me to handle the job?" I asked looking back at the picture.
"Yes." Travis said resting his chin on his hands.
"It's only fitting." Alexei mused.
"All you need to do is find and kill him." Travis said ignoring Alexei's comment.
"Yes sir." I nodded.
"Good, you're dismissed, Alexei stay a moment." I nodded again and walked out of the room.
So this is the infamous Nathaniel, I thought looking at the photo.
Doesn't matter, our job is to kill him, and we'll do just that, said a cruel voice.
Shut up, my inner voice screamed, I didn't ask for your opinion did I?
But I am you so it doesn't matter, now does it, it replied coldly.
I shoved the photo in my pocket and grabbed my IPod, trying to drown out that voice. I climbed down the stairs into the main lobby of the hotel. As I walked past the lady at the front desk she waved me over. I glanced at the door, wanting to just head home and go to sleep, but the lady was still urging me. Sighing, I went over to her and took out my ear buds.
"Miss Murin, Mr. Patterson just called and requested you stop by tonight, he said that he needs to discuss private matters with you. The car he sent you is waiting outside." I nodded and started to walk away.
"Wait, Miss Murin!" She yelled after me.
"Yes?" I said turning slightly in her direction.
"Well...he also told me to tell you not to mention this meeting to your father." She said biting her lip.
"That's fine." I left abruptly after that and slide into the back seat of the car.
"Miss, how do you do?" The driver said nodding at me as he speed down the empty road.
I rested my head on the cold window, closing my eyes. Nathaniel's face popped into my head. His mischievous smile as he looked directly at the camera. He may of been smiling, but the look in his eyes...they were empty, cold....sad. Such sad eyes....why are they so sad? I can imagine his green eyes bright with happiness, and his real smile. The one where he shows all his teeth, not that arrogant grin he gave the camera. Like me and Alexei he must of learned how to fake a smile, a laugh.
We're all so much alike. We're all empty inside, we truly don't have anything that matters to us. My dad is dead, my mom left. Alexei never mentioned his mom...but his actual father trained his two sons to take the lives of people. Who in return trained me to become like them. I'm all alone, I thought hugging my knees. I can't depend on anyone but myself.
"There are six rules to become an angel of death, Number one: Learn to feel nothing but anger and hatred. Number two: Depend on no one, even me." That was the first thing Alexei told me when I met him. His eyes looked like green ice. So cold, so scary. He lunged and started to attack me, he landed a blow to the side of my head and I stumbled backward.
"Number three :Kill or be killed. Number four: Trust your instincts." He said as he kicked my chest, breaking a rib. I remember how I screamed in pain. He just started laughing at me.
"Hmm, maybe father is wrong about you, you're already not following rule number one. Oh well," He said grinning crazily, "I guess I just have to punish you. I'll make you strong, I'll make into the perfect weapon. Just like father and brother did to me. Now, number five: Show no weakness"
After that I woke up in the hospital. Alexei sat in a chair next to the bed staring at me with a bored expression. My whole body was in so much pain. He gave me five broken ribs, a severe concussion and I was bruised everywhere on my body.
"What's number six?" I asked in a raspy dry voice.
"Rule number six: Realize that you are nothing but a weapon for Pandemonium to use, that your life holds no real value. You're just a means to an end." He said leaving abruptly, never glancing at me as he left.
I guess Alexei was and is right. I guess my mother realized that back when I was six, that I don't hold any meaning. That I'm worthless. Just a waste of space.
It doesn't matter if we're a waste of space, we can just kill more people and make more room for us. Then it'll be roomier, don't you think Adrianna? The cruel voice said laughing.
"We're here, Miss." The driver said smiling politely at me.
I opened my eyes and nodded my thanks as I got out of the car. We're at Mr. Patterson's night club. Doesn't he realize I'm a minor? Idiot, I thought as I walked into the loud club.
"It's freaking crowded." I grumbled as I headed to the back into his office.
"Ah Azrael, thank you for meeting me." I said as I barged into his office and slammed his door.
"Don't call me that idiot, and why did you summon me here? Do you even realize what time it is?"
"Eh, time is just numbers, they don't hold any true meaning do they?" He said smiling and gesturing me to sit down. I sighed and sat across from him.
"Go bald old man." I muttered.
"That's not very nice, and I was going to give you a lead on where our friend Nathaniel is, but now I'm not so sure." He said clasping his hands together and smiled evilly at me.
I sighed again..this old man...is so agitating. It's almost like I'm talking to a kid. I glared at him and mumbled my apology. He's one of my 'fathers' friends and a close ally. He was the one that told him about me. He's one of the reasons why I am who I am now. He's about mid fifties...an much to my displeasure he has a full head of hair, white hair but hair nonetheless. He's very childish, but gives us almost all of our leads. No matter what I think of him, he's still an important asset to Pandemonium.
"Now that's better, as I was saying I have a lead about-"
"Can you just tell me where you think he's at!" I exclaimed, getting more and more annoyed by the minute.
"Hey if you keep being rude I won't tell you where he's-"
"Oh?" I said standing up and whipping my gun out pointing it at his head, "Will you still not tell me where he's at?" I asked innocently. But he just started laughing.
"HA, aren't you lively today. Since you asked oh so nicely, he's in your home town, Oswego Illinois. There have been several sightings of him there."
"Oswego?" I asked clenching my fists.
"Yeah, you're leaving for there tomorrow. Don't worry it's only about an hour or two by car." He said still laughing.
"Oh, and why did you call me over to tell me this? And why did you tell that one lady to tell me not to tell father?"
"I'm a lonely old man, I just wanted some company. And no reason really, I was bored and I thought I'd make it a little more exciting. I know, I'm clever." he said grinning to himself.
So irresponsible, I thought smiling slightly.
"Ooh, the angel of death can smile." He said teasingly.
"Thank you for the information, I'll take my leave now." I said nodding my thanks.
"No need to be so formal." He said smiling slightly.
"Oh really, then does that mean I can say what I've been wanting to say this entire time? Okay then- Get bald old man! Ah I feel so much better getting that off my system. Thanks!" I said waltzing out of his office, I could hear him laughing as I left.
Geez, that old man loves wasting my time, I thought smiling to myself. I'm being followed, I thought jerking my head up. I searched my surroundings, crap, I was too full of myself and walked past the car, and into the dangerous part of the city.
Well it was getting boring anyways, now let's have some fun. Let me out won't you Adrianna? Just let me take over for a while. I promise I'll let you take control right when I'm finished, The voice said out of excitement.
No, I screamed. I will never let you take over me ever again.
You realize you're just a fake right? I'm the real Azrael, I'm the one that got you through the training, I'm the one that does all the work. I'm taking over now. She said laughing in my head.
The world around me went black and all I could see was...me? I was standing there with my hands on my hips. I was wearing black cargo pants and a black tank top, also a pair of black combat boots. My usual Azrael outfit, I also had my white mask on. The mask had the red swirls coming out of the eye and down to the cheek on both sides. My hair was pulled into a high pony tail. I finally looked at my eyes...they were still reddish brown, but they looked...deadly. I got a chill just looking at them.
Now just sit back for a while and watch me have some fun, she said laughing.
No, DON'T! I screamed as she took over my body. My body...I can't control it. Oh no, I'm blacking out...she's really taking control this time, was my last thought before I actually blacked out.
Oh no...she killed them all, I thought looking around me. There were seven dead bodies surrounding me. I looked down at my hand and realized that the knife was still in my hand. There's so much blood...so much, I thought dropping the knife in a pool of blood. It splashed and drenched my pants. How could she take over me again? I took all the precautions so she wouldn't be able to come out...how am I supposed to defend myself against her? How am I supposed to protect myself from apart of myself? No no no no no no this can't be happening...I thought as I dialed Alexei's number. He picked up on the first ring.
"Where the hell are you!?!?" He yelled into the phone.
"Alexei.." I said trying to stop the tears as I talked into the phone.
"Kira, what happened? Are you okay?" He sounds so worried...
"Alexei...Azrael...she came out tonight. She killed seven people. I'm- I'm standing in a pool of their blood."
"Where are you?" He demanded, I gave him directions and he quickly hung up to get me.
My hands are shaking, I thought numbly as I brought them near my face. To handle Alexei's training, I somehow created a split personality to handle the trauma. She calls herself Azrael...I guess she's truly Travis's creation. Not me. She was the one that really went through the training, the one that would kill everyone for me. But once I coped with killing, she took a step back I guess is a way to explain it. But for some reason, she's coming back.
Why is she coming back? Is it because of...Nathaniel? If he's the reason she's coming back I'll definitely kill him. It's simple really, I thought crouching and covering my face with my blood soaked hands. My face feels warm and sticky, I thought dreamily. So all I have to do is kill him and all my problems will be solved...right?
No, that won't do anything! Only Nathaniel can help us. The small childish voice said desperately.
Stop talking to me, I thought gripping my hair.
"Kira, hey Kira don't worry I'm here." Alexei said pulling me into his arms. I didn't respond. I just rested my head into my hand.
"Is she responsive?" Someone asked behind Alexei.
"I'm taking her home now." He said picking me up and started walking away.
"Hey, we need to examine her!" Someone else exclaimed.
"If you try and touch her I will kill you here and now." He said in a deadly voice.
"We'll be leaving now." Alexei said coldly to everyone.
"I don't want her to take over me anymore." I mumbled into his chest. He kissed the top of my head and continued walking.
"Don't forget rule number five: show no weakness. But don't worry about it, just go to sleep now."
My eyes felt like they were getting heavier and heavier by the moment. I finally closed my eyes and went into a blissful dreamless sleep.
"It's called DID, dissociative identity disorder." The therapist said leaning back in her chair.
"I have DID? What does it mean?" I asked staring into her blank eyes.
"Well it seems that you went through something very traumatic as a child and you created another personality to deal with your problem. Because of this, she's able to take over when she feels you're not able to handle a situation. There's not a cure or medicine you can take for this mental illness, but I can suggest that you go to therapy regularly, but if it gets worse you'll need to stay at the psychiatric ward in the hospital, for your safety and for others."
"Is there anything I can do to keep her from taking over?" I asked quietly.
"Keep yourself out of dangerous or high stress situations would be helpful. I could also try shock therapy ...with your fathers consent of course."
I had that conversation with my therapist right before I left for Oswego, I couldn't help but keep going through it over and over in my head. Shock therapy...no I'm not doing that, and it probably wouldn't accomplish anything besides frying my brain. I just have to be strong and fend her off myself. I'm cable of protecting myself now, I don't need her anymore.
I don't need anyone, if I needed someone, that would make me weak. I can't afford to be weak in the world I live in, only the strong survive. And I will survive.