My right hand always felt empty and out of place without a cigarette nestled between my index and middle finger. Laying in bed quietly chewing on nicotine gum as I listened to the sound of raindrops on the roof my eyes drifted towards my alarm clock sitting on the dresser. The fiery red numbers glowed 4:52 and then 4:53 just as my eyes dashed away. Pulling the covers up over my head I made a final attempt to close my eyes and keep them closed until I would finally drift off to sleep. Three minutes later they were open again. With a sigh I threw the covers back and got out of bed, chewing the gum harder in irritation as I made my way to the kitchen for a glass of grapefruit juice.

Holding the cold pitcher steadily as I reached for the nearest cup my mind briefly drifted to another rainy day when my fiancé Antoine and I got caught in the rain on our way back from a Matinee. Under the Tuscan Sun had been playing that day and had enchanted both of us in such a way that we had seriously considered moving to Tuscany and buying a little house tucked away in the valley just like the main character Francesca. Isolated from the rest of the world’s chaos, carefree, enjoying the clichéd long siestas and endless sun. However, like the end of every movie, reality soon set in as we left the theatre, immediately re-immersed into the chaos of the city; the smell of urine and old damp newspapers, trash littering the streets, and shards of glass threatening to cause injury. And of course, the rain which starts and stops so suddenly the only evidence remains in the moist darkened spots on your favourite coat where the drops had made their final landing, seeping in and disappearing.

I was quickly pulled out of my reverie when I realized I had poured too much juice into the now overflowing cup. Great I muttered under my breath. I grabbed the sponge from the kitchen sink and slowly dabbed at the juice, squeezing the juice out over the sink and dabbing some more. Then I wiped the counter dry with a hand towel wet at one end. Spitting out my gum into the trash bin I took a swig of the grapefruit juice and quickly swallowed as I cringed at the taste of tangy grapefruit mixed with the aftertaste of mint flavoured nicotine gum.

I could really use a cigarette right now, a passing thought as I placed the cup in the fridge and glanced at the clock. Hadn’t slept a wink and yet had to get to work in 2 hours. Typical Monday. I wondered if Antoine, 6 hours away in his hometown of Bordeaux, France was perhaps enjoying a late breakfast or early lunch with his parents and sister. The corners of his eyes crinkling up as he laughed that hearty laugh which makes everyone around him laugh along contagiously; his dimples deepening and his whole body shaking along with the laugh until he ends it with a grin and a quick wink. Friday couldn’t get here fast enough; it had been 3 weeks too long without him and even spraying his Hermes cologne on my pillow before sleeping at night didn’t help anymore. I longed for his physical presence.

A wave of sadness took over me as I held back a sigh and glanced at the clock once again. It was time for a quick shower before getting ready for the busy day ahead. As I slipped out of my night gown and headed for the bathroom the sound of my ring tone -Yesterday by The Beatles- filled the apartment. I hummed along as I walked over to the couch to pull it out of my handbag. A quick gasp escaped my lips as I glanced at the screen and saw Antoine’s number.

“Hello? Antoine?”

“Yes. Surprised to hear from me?” came the slightly raspy voice on the other end of the line.

“Where are you calling from? Your cell phone number showed up”

“I’m at the airport, I took an early flight back, I’ll explain on the way, can you please pick me up? I’m short on cash”

“I- well of course, why didn’t you- never mind, I’m on my way”

“Ok I’ll be waiting”

Click.

Biting my bottom lip I quickly made a mental to-do list and did each in order. I ran to the bathroom and freshened up, called my secretary and told her to cancel today’s appointments, threw on some clothes, some lipstick and a pair of heels, grabbed the car keys, my purse and bolted out the door.