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Dark Death

Poem By: scaza
Mystery and Crime


Have you ever entered the mind of a murdered person? View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Jun 15, 2008    Reads: 48    Comments: 8    Likes: 1   


I saw the deep, black skies;

Where the clouds broaden and cradle,

Where the winds fought the sea

Where the lightning stikes its spears.

Over the dark waters,

The waves scrambled the shores,

The rain made war with the trees.

And the thunder screamed their laughters.

I lie on the black sea.

I sense the rain on my body.

The waves blew my hair,

My eyes barred.

Pale.

The coldness spread through my body,

Motionless.

My heart lost its beat.

The wound of my chest lost touch,

The bullet remains.

Over the lifeless sea I lie.

I hate them.

I despise them.

I hate the sound of their voices.

They threw it against me.

They don't care.

They won't listen.

They have no sense.

I tried to destroy myself,

But memories came over me.

And now the time has pass.

I discovered my own dark death.


1

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Comments:

Kevin Blake
(not registered user)

That's really very nice piece!!!

Posted: Jun 16, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you. I appreciate that you like it.

that was really good! :D

Posted: Jun 20, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you. I'm glad you like it.

Thats brilliant ..the imagery and emotion are very powerful, loved it !!

Posted: Jun 27, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks, I'm glad you love it.

i love it.
i love this kind of poems

Posted: Jun 27, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you.

Wow, it was really good! I like it a lot, it makes me dispise the muderers and I don't know who they are or who the person who was murdered is, lol. Great job on expressing the feeling! The print you used is good, I'm glad it was not in a color. I think it looks great how it is. Simple but yet dramatic, :)The three last lines were my favorite i think.
Scorpia

Posted: Jun 27, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you. I'm glad you like the print. I just like it simple. Color sometimes ruin the feeling. thanks again!

This was a great peice. You put alot of imagination and creativity into writing this poem. Well done! ;)

Posted: Jul 10, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you. I'm surprised you immediately replied, which means that your on-line right now.

maddie
(not registered user)

just a word of advice
if you are trying to make the poem flow better then take out: the, and, I, but, &, it
unless it is absolutely necessary
it will let the descriptive words flow together to create one image

this is a great poem!

Posted: Jul 17, 2008

Author Comment:

okay, buy i like it that way. thanks anyway.

Very nice! I can imagine it, the final moments of a man shot on the ocean shores. Very enthralling. Makes you think, going, "Who killed this person?" or "Why did they kill him/her?" Nicely done Scaza, very well written.

Posted: Aug 15, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks I'm glad you like it!



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